12 Ways to Comfort Someone During a Difficult Time
Life is filled with so many highs and lows, and when we have someone we love who is smack dab in the middle of some of the lows, knowing how to support can feel downright overwhelming. Your support can offer comfort to your friend or family member during grief, burnout, or life struggles.
But how do you show that support with sincerity? What if you say the wrong thing? And how do you comfort someone over text or from a distance?
Let’s walk through the most thoughtful ways to comfort someone and answer the most common questions about emotional support.
Things to Consider Before You Reach Out
Donʼt text, call, or drop off care packages until you have taken a beat to pause and think about how your loved one is feeling. Are they grieving? Mentally exhausted? Managing a loss that feels too big to talk about?
Comforting someone requires sensitivity and intention. Sometimes the best approach is simply being present, without trying to fix anything.
What if I Say the Wrong Thing?
This is one of the No.1 fears that people have. The truth? You don’t have to say it all perfectly as long as your heart is in the right place.
You donʼt have to keep searching for the perfect sentence; just be real. Say something like:
- “Iʼm not exactly sure what to say, but Iʼm here.”
- “This all sounds so hard, and I wanted you to know I care.”
- “I’m not going anywhere, even if you don’t want to talk right now.”
Providing someone with space to be seen, rather than solved, is often more comforting than any polished phrase
What Do You Say to Comfort Someone?
Begin by being truthful and empathetic. More things you can say:
- “Iʼm so, so sorry you are going through this.”
- “Iʼm here for you, what do you need?”
- “I’ve got you.”
Avoid clichés, like: “I believe everything happens for a reason” and “Stay strong.” Though well-meaning, these statements can come off dismissive. When in doubt, lead with love and listen much more than you speak.
How to Comfort Someone and Show Support
1. Offer Your Full Attention Through Active Listening
Active listening means not only that you listen when others speak to you, but also that you bring 100 percent of your attention with you when you do. Most of the time, when people are in distress, all they need is a listening ear.
The best thing that you can do for them is to become an active listener — that is, all youʼre doing is giving them your full attention without any interruptions to pass judgment or a speedy solution.
Science says that social connectedness has a big impact on mental health outcomes, so just to be there, and to be attentive and emotionally present, can be a game-changer. That person’s feelings would then be validated and demonstrate that what they are experiencing is meaningful.
Make eye contact, observe their facial expressions, and affirm their experience, saying things like “That sounds so hard” or “I am here for you.”
Donʼt launch into problem-solving mode unless they request advice.
2. Choose Your Words Carefully
Sometimes in our attempt to be helpful, we say the wrong thing. If you don’t know what to think or say, the simplest things are the best.
“Wow, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this,” or “That sounds like a big deal; what, if anything, can I do to get you through it or offer some support?” can go a long way. You don’t need the perfect script. The most important thing is showing up with good intentions and a heart ready to help.
3. Text Messages and Phone Calls Make a Big Difference
Reflect on the last time you experienced a rough time. Did you keep to yourself? If you did, you’re not alone in this. That’s why it’s important to reach out, especially with simple check-ins like a text message or a quick phone call. Tell them you love them and you’re thinking of them, and that they can always talk to you if they’re feeling down, or just to hang.
And even something as small as sending a funny meme or an uplifting quote could make someone’s day brighter by elevating their vibes.
What to write in a text
Keep it short and sincere:
- “Hey, Iʼve been thinking about you. You do not need to reply, just checking in.”
- “I’m here for you. Any time, any way you need.”
- “Today might feel heavy. You don’t have to carry it alone.”
Picking up the phone and calling can also go a long way. Even a brief conversation can ground someone, a reminder that connection is still possible, and your voice is a line of connection.
4. Validate Their Emotions Without Minimizing
A great way to show empathy to someone is through validation. Rather than “At least it’s not worse” or “Don’t overreact,” say, “It makes total sense that you’re feeling this way.” And even if you cannot personally relate, you can do something, and that is to acknowledge their personal experience.
Remember: This isnʼt about whether you would feel the same — itʼs about listening to them, validating the person’s feelings, and making it a safe space for that person to share.
5. Write a Letter or Card
If you’re unsure what to say out loud, writing can be a beautiful alternative. A handwritten note gives them something tangible to revisit when they need encouragement or simply want to feel remembered. The permanence of paper can offer comfort long after the moment passes.
6. Send an Email
A thoughtful email can create space for someone to receive some support (without the immediate expectation that they need to reply). Itʼs especially useful for people who are emotionally shut down or who like to process privately. Make it brief and kind and a little open-ended.
7. Take Action: Small Gestures Mean Everything
Sometimes people are not ready to talk, but that does not necessarily mean they donʼt need help. Offer support and be considerate, such as delivering takeout from their favorite restaurant, initiating a meal train, taking on shopping or driving chores, or offering a ride to a doctorʼs appointment. A small act of kindness shows that even in silence, you care about their wellness.
This is helpful, especially if the individual is related to you or works with you, and someone is expecting them to “pull it all together.”
8. Respect Boundaries and be Patient
Being empathetic also means knowing when to give space. If someone doesn’t want to open up immediately, don’t take that personally. Rather, inform them that you’re willing when they are. This makes for a relaxed, low-pressure setting.
9. Encourage Self-care and Mental Health Support
Remind them that they need to take care of themselves. Encourage self-care that would be helpful, such as rest or hydration, journaling, or talking with a mental health professional. Others have dabbled in more alternative options such as whole-body cryotherapy, which has been studied as an add-on treatment for anxiety and depression. Just ensure that your suggestions feel gentle and supportive, and not like problem-solving.
You can try saying, “Would emailing or talking with someone like a counselor help at all?” or “Have you had a chance to breathe today?”
Consider sharing resources like Mental Health America or Psychology Today’s therapist directory.
10. Share Your Presence, Not Your Solutions
When someone’s hurting, you might feel tempted to offer advice or fix what’s wrong. But unless they ask for solutions, your presence is more valuable. Let them vent, cry, or simply be. Say, “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here,” or “You’re not alone.”
11. Craft Something Meaningful
When there are no words, creativity can speak for you. Anything you can make with your hands, be it a small painting, bracelet, candle, playlist, or even just a simple handmade card, conveys an extra layer of personal care that store-bought items don’t always quite manage. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s the fact that you made something specifically for them that counts. Quiet effort of that kind can be powerful.
12. Check in After the Moment Passes
When you console someone, it’s not a one-off kind of deal. Keep paying attention, even when the crisis appears to have passed. A follow-up call, a card, or even a “thinking of you” text lets them know you haven’t forgotten.
Sometimes the best support comes long after the spotlight has dimmed and everyone else has moved on. Be the friend who stays. Even a simple reminder that you’re still there can mean the world after a tough time. You can also explore ways to help a friend in need when emotional support needs a tangible boost.
Comfort is About Connection
If someone is feeling bad, being a source of comfort isn’t so much about saying the right thing as showing up. It all serves as a buoy, lifting those around you up, whether itʼs a mentor cheering from the sidelines, a coworker stepping in to pick up small duties, or a loved one dropping off dinner in the wake of a hard time.
If youʼre interested in other ways to fundraise or support through platforms like crowdfunding, GoFundMe has tools to assist you in being there for others.
When we show up for others with empathy and intention in a difficult time, it can be life-changing.
by Brogan Driscoll