As many of you know, I come from an amazing community of family, faith and friendship. Most people aren't as lucky as I am, yet there were times when I questioned my life and purpose; 2 different times in fact.

The first - My first ever panic attack my Junior year of college. 5 straight sleepless nights of pacing and nonstop thinking. Turns out, I used and abused caffeine, specifically pre-workout. Yes, you may be laughing at this moment, but it was the truth. My body is apparently much more sensitive to caffeine. I ended up getting diagnosed with adrenal fatigue, which caused a decrease in cortisol and testosterone levels. Hence, my stress hormones were all out of balance, resulting in those panic and anxiety attacks. I felt like I was suffocating.

Before that event, I never understood people when they said they were anxious, depressed, or anything related to mental health. This was the first time where I can finally relate to them. This is where I decided if I wanted to keep going. However, without the help, strength and guidance from my family and faith, I was able to fight through it.

I remember my dad waking up before the crack of dawn and driving 4 hours to just check up on me when I was feeling low. I'd be on the phone with both my parents at 3am pacing, and having them calm me down. Even my sister, who as kids weren't the nicest to each other, comforted me in those times of need.

I also started to get more involved within my college’s campus youth ministry. Anytime I would feel anxious or depressed, I began to turn to God. I continued to have faith in HIM and realized there was nothing HE put in front of me that I couldn’t handle.

I continued to fight through this fatigue and depression all throughout Junior year, and was able to conquer it.

The second story is when I realized that talking about my problems saved my life - I got my first girlfriend my Senior year in college. She was my first love, but in the end it wasn't meant to be. We broke up right when Covid hit. I moved back home with my family while she stayed down in Cincinnati (where I went to school). I was soon informed that my new job was put on hold for a year, so in the meantime I just sat at home and studied for my exams.

However, at the same time, I figured out there was a lot of activity going on in Cincinnati. I'm not going to get very specific in details, but I lost the majority of my college friends within the next couple months due to certain circumstances.

I thought I could shrug it off, but that wasn't the case. I started to feel insecure, worthless, unlovable, ugly, boring, you name it. I began trying way too hard at being the center of attention with my current friends, because I didn't want to lose them either. And because of that, I began coping with alcohol, which we all know isnt the answer. And as you know, we say and do things our subconscious is thinking when we are abusing alcohol.

Well one cold night in December of 2021, every emotion, doubt, fear, insecurity came out. Except, it was exposed publicly. I had posted something to my instagram and snapchat story saying everyones lives would be better without me in it. I internally hated myself so much that my subconscious was telling me to end my life, and alcohol was the one that push me over the ledge by going public about it. I remember the next day I went to the Browns game, and when I got back my parents told me the cops came to our house because someone called it in. From there, I knew I had a problem and it needed to change or else I was doomed.

From there, I deleted all social media and cold turkied drinking. I needed to realize that I was still enjoyable to be around without alcohol. I needed to be able to cope with anxiety and depression the RIGHT WAY (Therapy and TALKING). I needed to stop being selfish for the sake of my family and friends who loved me way too much. I needed to change.

My mom, dad and sister were my rocks once again through this change. Their selflessness, optimism and hope helped get me through this pain. They have taught me what unconditional love is. I also want to acknowledge my friends who stayed with me during this chaotic time - You all know who you are, and I cannot be more thankful for you!! And what I realized most is one simple talk can save your life.

How am I doing today? Much. Better! Yes, I am still going through tough times here and there, but life is full of ups and downs. Everytime I am feeling low, I think about my parents, my friends and God, and how it would not be fair to give up on them. I'm thankful for both of these incidences because it opened the door to establishing stronger relationships with the people who matter most in my life, including my own!

That all being said, I am thrilled to be running the 2023 Chicago Marathon for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention! Although I am not directly affected by someone close to me who took their own life, I was almost going to be that person for many others. So I want to express my gratitude and spread the message that everyone has their struggles, but don't be afraid to share your thoughts with loved ones, because it will save your life!!