Jason Herb

My Dad Put a Crack Pipe in My Hand at 12, I Ran Away and Joined the Carnival, Then Got My Ass Wrecked in a Crash — Help Me Get My $3500 Welding Inspector Cert Before I Say Fuck It and Start Selling Feet Pics………….. What’s good, you beautiful internet freaks? My origin story is so fucked up it sounds like I’m trolling you. Age 12: Dad hands me crack like it’s a fucking Happy Meal toy. Age 14: CPS tries to snatch me, Dad goes full GTA and drives us 3 days from Buffalo to Mesa to dodge the system. Later: Mom actually succeeds in getting me into foster care. I immediately escape that bitch and join the carnival like a runaway circus gremlin. Fast forward: Do prison, come out, become a welder making decent money. 2019: Car accident says “lol nope” and turns my body into a goddamn cautionary tale. Now I’m one signature away from disability… but I’d rather get my CWI (Certified Welding Inspector) for $3500 so I can actually make good money again without destroying my fucked up body. If this ridiculous fucking story made you laugh, disgusted you, or just made you go “no fucking way this is real,” throw a few bucks at it. Or at least share it so your group chat can argue about whether I’m full of shit. Yes, all of it’s real. I’ve got the rap sheet, the welding certs, and the fucked up back to prove it. Help the carnival crack kid upgrade from crack to certifications. Let’s make this the most batshit successful GoFundMe of 2026. Donate or don’t. But at least admit this is the wildest shit you’ve read today.