Kimberly Griffin

Someone sent me a sticker a few years ago that said “Slow Growth is Good Growth.” It was one of those pretty, inspiring vinyl stickers for your giant metal water bottle, meant to remind you throughout the day that you’re on the right track; that you really can’t make it happen any faster. There was once a pop icon called Paula Abdul (lol) who sang about taking two steps forward, only to take two steps back, and that’s a lot what healing feels like. You learn and discover something helpful, only to be thrown backwards by the force of the memory or the harm of the impact. This is the way with Liam’s journey, too. He has successfully transitioned into his new dorm, school, and is about to get his first sushi dinner since February because he has met a series of goals. He is relatively stable, especially when confronted with the behaviors and challenges of his housemates, which have been upsetting and stressful, but a humbling way of experiencing what it is like to live with someone who is causing all-hours meltdowns. It seems some recognition is setting in, and that he is able to acknowledge in some conversations that what he is experiencing now might feel a lot like caring for and living with him during his periods of extended duress and aggression. Self-awareness can be painful. We are moving forward with medication changes that I have been desperate to try for years, so it’s likely there will be some discomfort or challenges as some of the stabilization efforts are tapered off and we move toward supporting him in new ways. In a few weeks, we will travel to his school for a multi-day workshop where we will get to see Liam, visit his house, and attend breakout sessions about deescalation, visits home, and how to support Liam while he’s enrolled there. There will be an interactive tour of the school and the work that they have completed, all of which is project-based. We will be there just before his birthday, and he has been sad that we won’t be there for the actual day. To be honest, I can’t really think about the fact that he won’t be here at home on his birthday, but we have assured him that we will make every effort to create a group activity and make sure that he feels celebrated. One of the greatest challenges of parenting Liam has been accepting that gifts and acquiring possessions are very triggering for him. For many neurodivergent folks, something as simple as celebrating a holiday can cause a great deal of stress. There are disruptions to the schedule, surprises take longer to process, require more masking (performing the correct reception of a gift, manners, excitement, etc.) and can lead to genuine upset. Many kids who are neurodivergent truly only want the thing or things they want. Not a fun adjacent item that seems cool to someone else. It’s partly fixation, partly rigidity, and partly being a kid who never gets to decide anything anyway. Birthdays and holidays have historically been brutal for Liam, so we are hoping that this new environment can help us create a new approach to safely and joyfully celebrate... Or at least some new neural pathways to build something less contentious with. For those looking to celebrate Liam, please reach out to us so that we can give you the address to send a card. Our guy loves silly cards - the ones that sing songs obnoxiously, or have a novelty sticker or socks. He can’t have much, due to strict rules, and we have to be mindful of the fact that he lives with 6 other kids. So any activity we send needs to be a group activity. (This is why we appreciate, but can’t accept stuffies and gift cards.) If you would like to make a donation to the Special Needs Trust we have created for Liam’s future, instead of donating here, please reach out to us. (We are personally very grateful for the potential of these donations over objects that will end up in a landfill or broken from a rage induced meltdown within 24 hours.) Things are slowly moving forward with our home district, and we hope to have a meeting set next month regarding an IEP and offer of FAPE. Obviously, with national efforts to restrict the educational rights and healthcare supports of disabled people, it has been a stressful time. If you are ever curious how voting on national and local levels impacts kids like Liam and families like ours, please feel free to ask. There are many states involved in trying to protect Section 504, and although these issues may feel distant, accessibility measures have had overwhelming unilateral positive impacts and benefits we enjoy every day, even as “able-bodied” individuals. Thank you so much for caring, following along, and reading this far. Thank you for every donation, for every prayer, and for checking in on us. More soon, Kim