Reshoma B

Today is November 1st, 2026. I'm losing money more than I'm gaining money. Still no heavy traction on here. I'm quite sure people are viewing this but are not wanting to or willing to donate to it. I woke up this morning extremely upset and very sad and very depressed, knowing that we're starting yet another month, which means more bills and more money out. In addition to these things being automatically taken out of my bank account, I will have to pay for my last affordable two weeks at this extended stay hotel in the next few days before November 4th. The photo also doesn't show that I have my storage unit monthly rent of $122 to pay for on November 23rd as well. I don't see anything miraculous happening within the next two weeks. Why do people NOT care at all, especially if they are well off and wealthy? Why are they hoarding their wealth and not donating money to important causes like mine? I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE FREAKING JUSTICE AND KARMA AND PUNISHMENT FOR THE MALICIOUS PEOPLE THAT PUT ME HERE? Seriously. Oh by the way, Disney plus was increased to about $12.99 or so. I have all this bad luck that I need to turn around into an abundance of good luck. I feel absolutely CURSED. And my narcissistic and selfish mother and older sister are not helping my situation either--they are chock full of excuses as to why they refuse to help me. They want to hoard their wealth for themselves a.d spend their money on themselves. Not only that, they don't respect my boundaries and they certainly don't respect my choices because it's not what they want for me. They would rather just take over my life and control and isolate me and make me miserable and have me go uproot my life here in central Illinois and go live with my narcissistic and a*usive mother in her dark basement with no bathroom (I would probably still have to get a storage unit up there and those are way more expensive than the ones here); and anyone who knows suburban basements, knows they can be prone to flooding if the sump pump fails when there is too much heavy rainfall, so there goes my things. I'm sure she still has tons of boxes stored down there too. So yeah, I'm not doing that, especially since my mental health is already fragile enough as it is. It would not end well for me living with my a*user. I'm sorry if putting my personal life out there offends anyone, but I won't and can't sugarcoat anything about my situation to make anyone comfortable. I feel the need to explain myself and how I got here and why it continues to be a living nightmare. Thank you for coming to my TED talks.

Today is Monday, October 26, 2026. The money that was listed as being in my bank account in the previous update is now down to about $2,741 or so. I have some upcoming streaming subscriptions to pay for, plus my Verizon cell phone bill at the end of this month that will go back up to about $54 or so. I'll also not looking forward to my automatic payment of my car insurance payment next month. I'm basically or technically homeless because I'm living in an extended stay hotel, which is not considered permanent housing. It's one step away from being out on the streets. The streets are dangerous for a single female like me and I don't want that for myself or for my emotional support cat, Winona. But I'm also not getting donations flowing in like a hurricane. I have tried everything, and nothing has worked. It has made me severely depressed. I'll continue to try and post updates as necessary in the hopes that it will reach the right people who would be willing to donate and get other people to donate. I am an honest person that would use my donationss for good towards paying bills and living expenses. I really hope enough people care moved by my situation and donate significant amounts that would help me survive until I get approved for disability and start getting my disability checks. When that happens, after a few disability checks, I may shut this down. But for now, it will be up. Thank you again if you took the time to read this. Reshoma P.S. Thank you to Anirban Roy and to all the other people who have donated so far! Your donations are very much appreciated! Please share my GoFundMe to others you know that may be able to donate.

Today is October 20th, 2026. Yesterday, I paid for another two weeks at this extended stay hotel. I also donated plasma for the first time. They give you $100 on a prepaid debit card as a thank you for donating the plasma. For every 4 donations you give, you can earn about $100 each time, and then it reduces to $75 and lower on the 5th time. So I'm trying to do something to bring money in. My bank account is still getting that much closer to zero funds, and I am wondering if anyone even cares anymore to donate if they have the available funds. Is it even worth it to post these updates when I'm not seeing anything happening and there is no actual or magical or sudden influx of donation coming in, despite everything I have done to promote this GoFundMe?? It makes me wonder what is wrong with people and why they seem to be so apathetic or they just make assumptions about me that aren't true. I'm not faking any of this. This is a LEGITIMATE situation. Not even my own narcissistic and a*usive mother and my equally narcissistic older sister want to help me. They have nothing but excuses and want to blame my late dad and place blame on other people and say I'm the problem and I brought this on myself; they do not want to respect my boundaries I put in place to protect my peace and sanity. What they really want for me, as an a*use survivor, is to go mive back in with my a*user to save money. But you cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick, and it never ends well when you live with your a*user. I have never asked for help in the past two decades from September 2006 to about sometime last year. Now that I am asking for help, it's a huge problem for them. So I see where they stand and I know I will not be able to depend on them. I'm just tired of extending an olive branch to them, only to have them take a chainsaw to it and take it to the curb to be picked up by the landscape recyclers to be hauled off to a labdscaping facility, in a matter of speaking. So no, again, I am NOT faking this, and NO, I am NOT doing any of this to get attention. I will use the donations that people give to me towards living expenses. I'm not into Ponzi schemes or being fraudulent or gambling the money away or using it for anything other than living expenses. I don't do dr*gs and I don't gamble and I am not a raging alcoholic (in fact, I rarely drink due to my acid reflux). Not that I have to explain myself to anyone. But I know there are plenty of naysayers out there who don't believe me and think this is a joke and that I must be lying and that I'm not worthy of donations. Don't be that person that makes another person feel unworthy and unvalued and unappreciated and like they don't matter in this world. I know, many of us are struggling. I'm not blind of that fact. But at least many of you know you have a roof over your head for a while, unlike me. I hate being pessimistic. But negativity is all around me and all encompassing and hardship is as well, so it's kind of hard not to be. I got the crap end of the proverbial stick while the bad and malicious and nefarious and demonic and evil people at my previous jobs and last two apartment complexes who put me out of a job, blacklisted me, slandered and defamed me, and kicked me out of my apartments when I did nothing wrong get to enjoy life free of consequences and punishment and no karma as far as I'm aware. That's really the only update I have at this time. If you feel compelled and moved by my story and you're actually reading these updates and paying attention, and you have the funds to donate money without it breaking your bank, I would greatly appreciate it. It's not like I exactly have a rich benefactor behind me helping me. I'm doing this all on my own. Don't be like people like Elon Musk and hoard all your wealth for yourself. Be like Madison Scott, ex wife of Jeff Bezos, who donates her money to charities. Be good. Do good. Help others in need or who are struggling and have been through a lot and are barely surviving. I am adding a screenshot of what I currently have in my bank account as of 10/21/2026, in case anyone doubts me. Maybe then people would be willing to donate money. But then again, I highly doubt it.

Today is October 8th, 2026. I did not get the amount of money I was hoping for on the scratch off lottery ticket. So at this point, until I get the $400 grant money from the Champaign Township and/or if things change and the donations start rolling in to help me stay in this extended stay hotel until I get approved for disability and start getting the checks, I will have to just pay for two weeks instead of a month. I can't even afford an actual home. Even if I got a bank loan, I would not be able to pay it back with the savings I have. My energy has been completely drained and run dry dealing with family drama and the fact that my immediate family does not seem to care and only has excuses and wants to place blame on my late dad and tell me everything he did or didn't do. What he did or did not do is irrelevant to my situation. It doesn't matter that he didn't leave any money to me and that he made poor choices throughout his life that put a strain on our family. At this point, it has been water under the bridge since his passing on August 31, 2021. My mother does not care, and neither does my older sister. They are always plotting and talking to each other behind the scenes and likely bad mouthing me and thinking how they're so ashamed of me and what I have become and that I'm living in an extended stay hotel and not doing anything with my life, and making it seem like I did something wrong to put myself here, that maybe I should have stayed quiet and not said anything when I was being discriminated against. That's not who I am and that goes against how I was raised. I am not going to stay silent so that other people can stay out of trouble and be comfortable. It is my constitutional right to protest against unjust treatment and to report illegal behavior. My conclusion is that because I am not caving in to the narcissistic demand that I lose all power control over my life and uproot my life here in central Illinois and go move back in with my a*user to save money, that they would truly just rather see me become homeless than ever help me in any way. So I clearly can't depend on them. What kind of mother does this to her own child? How could a mother mistreat her own child like this and make everything on her terms and be condition base? Support and love should never be condition based, so long as it's not supporting a bad habit, like gambling, drugs, or alcohol. And no, don't ask me why I'm treating my own mother like this. Ask me what my own mother did to me to make me not want to speak to her and excommunicate her from my life, starting in May 2023, but only reaching out via email out of separation. Don't tell me, "But she's your mother!". Maybe tell her, "But she's your child!". Do your research on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I lived with my mom and older sister for 43 years, and I saw their true colors all the time and compared it to the persona they portrayed in public and was appalled at how they charmed people and hid the abusive and narcissistic side. It's a regular Jekyll and Hyde character personality. They really are two faced. I always lived in my older sister 's shadow and she was the golden favorite child that was never punished for instigating conflict and arguments and fights with me and picking on me and bullying me. It was a chaotic and dysfunctional and abusive environment growing up. So no, I will never subject myself and my emotional support animal Winona to that kind of environment. My mental health is already fragile enough, and I'm not going to completely shatter it and go back to that dark place, because I deserve so much better. And if you do not know my full story, you don't get to jump to conclusions about me and just tell me to snap out of my depressive state and that I should try harder to get back into the workforce. And please do not tell me I'm lazy or unmotivated. I have been in survival mode for years and years, and I'm exhausted and drained and overwhelmed. There's a difference. I did nothing wrong, but bad people made it seem like I did and made me out to be this villain and they were the victims, when in reality, it was the other way around. They didn't like me exposing problem employees in the workplace or making them actually do their job to make sure I wasn't having my peace disturbed by loud and disruptive and disturbing and obnoxious and inconsiderate neighbors, or by harassing property managers.

Today is October 5th, 2026. I'll try to be as brief as possible (oh who am I kidding?!). Yesterday, I paid for another two weeks at this hotel, which will hold me over until October 21st, 2026. I'm waiting for something to to come in. I had a huge spat and argument via email with my narcissistic mother over a request I made through Zelle for the month rent of $2,189.70 for October 5th through November 5th. She has been refusing to accept the request and is questioning why I am staying at this extended stay hotel. She is just chock full of excuses and deflecting blame onto my late dad. Whatever my late dad did or did not do is irrelevant to my situation. I feel like it's the least she could do to financially support me without questions and excuses for reparations and compensations for what a*use she made me endure all my life from her. She is in denial of it, and my equally narcissistic older sister just sides with her, tries to justify her behavior, denies my experiences, and dismisses the ensuing PTSD I got from the childhood a*use from my mother. It would seem that she would rather I be homeless than to support me, since I refuse to uproot my life and l, as a DV survivor and her as my a*user, go move back in with her. I will not subject myself and my emotional support cat, Winona, to that kind of chaotic and a*usive and dysfunctional environment, nor will I allow my already fragile mental health to be further shattered through living with her. Nobody in their right mind would ever tell a DV survivor to go move back in with their a*user to save money. It never ends well. I don't trust my mother not to be a*usive towards my emotional support cat either, and make her so scared that she tries to escape the minutes a door opens and she runs away. That would scar me for life., and I would never forgive my mother for that. I already don't forgive her for the neverending narcissistic a*use she still forces me to endure to this day. I have not spoken to her since the end of May 2023, but I had to open up email communication because I was getting desperate and irritated. She has stated that she can support me financially occasionally, but not on a monthly basis. She is putting words in my mouth. And how could anyone treat their own daughter with such abhorrent disdain and disrespect like that?! I never asked her for anything for all the years I was working and never asked her for anything from 2020 through about last year or so. And now she is complaining about it, acting like I'm asking for money every month?! Family should support one another w/ little to no conditions. So I am staying here at the extended stay hotel (which is probably the cheapest one available in this area) to protect my peace and sanity until I can get approved for disability and can start getting disability checks, which may not be for at least another 6-8 months. I am still trying to get a $400 grant from the Champaign Township, but the only hangup I have is this inability to work/medical status form as part of the application. I just need my primary care doctor to fill it out and be supportive of my inability to work. My current primary care doctor is not doing that and he is extremely narcissistic and egotistical and unsupportive and doesn't want to listen and is basing my inability to work solely on a functional capacity assessment that was done last year sometime, and not also on my entire medical record or history. My psychiatrist has been unhelpful too. They both think I can do light sedentary work, and that is just not possible, especially not with me in the midst of fighting to get approved for disability, and with many of my medical conditions. My psychiatrist has lumped my C-PTSD under PTSD, and that's not what should happen. Imagine you have two cookies. One just gets hammered once--thats PTSD, stemming from one trauma, which for me was childhood a*use. The other cookie gets hammered multiple times until it basically crumbles. That's C-PTSD, which stems from multiple traumas in my adult life, both professionally and personally (being unjustly and wrongfully terminated from my last two jobs and everything I was forced to endure during the 14 years of hell at the Illinois EPA, and then being kicked out of my last two apartments in Urbana, IL and Danville, IL, even though I did nothing wrong and always paid my rent on time and in full and never had any legitimate complaints lodged against me by other tenants; I was being harassed, bullied, threatened, and intimidated by property managers, who then conned and manipulated and lied to their bosses/the landlords into believing I was a problem tenant and they were the victims and I needed to be kicked out). Anyways, I'm going to establish myself with a new primary care doctor at the end of this month in the hopes that she will support me more and not give me a hard time and make me feel seen and heard. I would like to stay in Champaign county because I have established a good rapport with Carle Hospital, and I also have several appointments coming up. It would be such an irritating hassle to have to cancel them because my situation changed and I moved out of Champaign County and had to start over again to establish myself elsewhere and try to get support locally in that county or city. I hate moving and it is so stressful. I don't want to be homeless, and that life is not meant for me and Winona. I did nothing wrong to be put in this situation. At this point, it has now become a dire emergency. I have had this GoFundMe fundraiser up for just over a year, and it's not like the donations are flowing in, despite the fact that I did everything that GoFundMe told me to do to share it on all my social media platforms. Apparently, the public doesn't notice my GoFundMe and doesn't think it's important enough or that it's an emergency enough to warrant donations flowing in. I don't know anymore. I'm overwhelmed, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm spent, and I am barely hanging on and barely surviving. So if you see this and you feel moved by my LEGITIMATE situation, I would appreciate it if you donated and shared it and asked others to donate as well. I am not a pessimist by nature, nor am I an introvert by nature. But I have become that way due to my experiences and current situation. I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be thriving and enjoying life and living comfortably and not having to worry about my finances as much anymore. I am NOT lazy or unmotivated. I have had far too many years living in survival mode and battling traumas and healing and recovery from them, and I am exhausted. There's a difference. I still get triggered by things. It's not easy when you know that the people who caused to the trauma are still out there, living it up, enjoying their lives to the fullest, and not receiving their consequences; they're enjoying their retirement with full benefits or they still have their high paying jobs and are being protected from ever getting into trouble. I have only seen one drop on the bucket, and that was when the mastermind behind my sabotage at the Illinois EPA, the now former and late HR Manager, Pam Smith, passed away on Christmas Day last year. Don't even get me started about her right hand woman/one of her fellow accomplices, Jill Johnson, who attempted vehicular h0m1c1de on me with her personal SUV in November 2018...... And I'll leave it at that.

Today is October 3rd 2026. Yes, it's that Mean Girls day. Anyways, aside from that reference, I feel like I am in great despair and am hopeless. I have to pay for another month at this hotel by Monday, and the money I was hoping would come in by now has not come in as I hoped. If I pay for the next month at this hotel with what I have now, I will be down to $2,881.30 or something close to that. That is nowhere near enough to survive the winter months or to live off of. I have had this GoFundMe fundraiser page up for a YEAR and it has not gained the traction that I have hoped for. I have only gotten a $90 donation from Jacquie Abrams, a $100 anonymous donation, and then a $1000 donation from Debraj Banerjee, who is like an older brother to me and was a family friend. That money disappeared fairly quickly, especially noting that the economy is in bad shape and everything is way more expensive than it should be. I even Zelle requested the $2,189.70 monthly rent to my narcissistic and a*usive mother, but I highly doubt she will accept it, because I know she would rather have me uproot my life here I'm central Illinois and go move back in with her, which will not end well for me and my emotional support cat Winona. My mental health is already fragile enough as it is. I don't need to go to that dark place again, and I don't need to subject my ESA cat to that kind of chaotic and dysfunctional environment. I would be scared that she would escape out some door and never be seen again or be hard to catch if I lived with that monster. So please excuse me if I have very little faith in humanity and hope that these updates will move anyone to starting flowing in with donations. It sure would be great if the social media influencers/content creators I follow would SHARE this fundraiser to their followers and maybe their followers would want to donate. But that might never happen. I'm just a drop in their buck of followers. I at least THINK Outdoors With Erik has SOME inkling or knowledge of my struggles and this fundraiser because I wrote about it on one of his YouTube videos and may have even linked it there on his website through the contact form there. Heck, I'm so desperate that I paid $25 to try and win a Mowrator or $2,000 cash. And I'm signed up for The Boring Channel Newsletter -- he randomly selects one person each month to win a TV or the cash equivalent of that TV. BUT, knowing how many followers they both have, I'm not sure I have any chance of winning. I'm just really down on my luck and have been dealt a bad hand by some very demonic and sadistic and narcissistic and toxic and hostile and evil card shark dealers. Someday, I hope the tables turn and I'm no longer the one struggling. That those who put me here are struggling, are unemployed, blacklisted, lose their homes or apartments, lose their lavish lifestyle, and get severely punish by their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ or whoever they pray to. Because whatever THIS is, isn't fair to me at all. I can't even afford to pay a realtor and I certainly can't afford a decent camper or decent mobile home. Again, I'm getting zero financial assistance from my own family, and I think they should pay dearly for that. They just assume I'm sitting on loads and loads of money and that I should just fend for myself. Um no. My net worth is just over $5,300 or somewhere around that. A very very very very very long time ago, it was at $100k. That is long gone time. I got screwed by the Danville, IL apartment, who kept raising their rent every year, and it wasn't matching what the apartment really was actually worth. And don't even get me started on Comcast or Ameren either. Anyways, I think that's enough for now.

Today is September 30, 2026. I am beyond frustrated with everything. I keep hitting roadblocks in my attempts to get assistance locally. I have one final hangup on the Champaign Township General Transitional Assistance application, and that's the Inability to Work/Medical Status form. Not only has my current primary care doctor refused to be supportive of my disability claim and my inability to work, but when I tried to go get a second opinion at another place, they said they couldn't help me because it was out of their scope and their don't know me and my disabilities anyways outside of what they could see through the Carle Hospital portal. So I wasted my time going to THAT appointment. I'll be seeing a new primary care doctor at the end of next month, and I hope she makes me feel seen and heard and understands my situation and plight and doesn't just tell me no and reject me and turn me down. Most of my specialists I see are very understanding and compassionate about my situation (although it would seem they don't see the condition they are treating me for as serious enough to warrant me unable to work....), and I can tell they are genuinely listening to me and not dismissing me and are trying to encourage me and not make me lose faith and hope. If I don't feel like I'm being seen and heard and supported enough by this new primary care doctor, I'll just have to grin and bear it and go outside my comfort zone and switch to Christie Clinic. I have trauma from when I first started job searching straight out of college. My narcissistic and abusive mother was a monster to me and would not let me take a break and would not allow me to socialize with anyone without her explicit permission. I was made to feel like I was chained to a computer desk all day long, starting immediately the day after I attended my graduation ceremony. Let me tell you, I STRUGGLED a LOT to get that degree and I got screwed by a few professors that dinged my GPA (even though GPA is only just a number and does not necessarily indicate whether or not you'd be a good employee!). I ended up having a nervous breakdown about halfway through that horrific and traumatic time until I accepted my job with the Illinois EPA. The Illinois EPA was no walk in the park either, and I was working in a toxic and hostile work environment at both the Springfield HQ and the Champaign, IL field office. I was stressed out so much, not myself, and gained so much weight from it all. I was bullied and discriminated against and surveilled and heavily monitored like I was on the FBI's most wanted list. Then I was traumatized by the unjust and wrongful termination from that job, which just happened right around the time COVID started back in March 2020. They retaliated against me for reporting discrimination to an outside agency, which is ILLEGAL in accordance to the Illinois Whistleblower Act. But all the suspects were protected and basically given immunity from getting into any trouble. Ultimately, the union filed a grievance on my behalf for my wrongful termination, and I had to create and sign a document saying I accepted what's called a "clean resignation" with ZERO BACK PAY for all the months they fought for me. And with COVID going on, I had a very difficult time trying to find another job while simultaneously navigating that new virus and waiting for vaccines to come out (I realized I was immunocompromised due to my asthma at the very least). Then there's the trauma behind getting kicked out of both my apartment in Urbana in late April/early May 2021 and Danville at the end of July 2024. Both times, I never did anything wrong and never violated any lease terms and always paid my rent on time and in full and never had any complaints lodged against me. I was being bullied and harassed by the property managers, who conned and manipulated the landlords into believing they were the victims and I was the problem (which in reality, it was the other way around). Both times, I was without a source of income, so I was forced to move myself and my cat into this extended stay hotel and put most of my things into a storage unit. History repeated itself and I was once again traumatized when Viscofan unjustly and wrongfully terminated me from my job on December 5, 2022. They gave no legitimate reason for why they fired me (likely to avoid responsibility and prevent any legal action against them), yet when I filed for employment, they tried to screw me over and say I was terminated due to misconduct, even though they could not provide any records of such because there were none. So I did end up getting unemployment for a lot 6 months in 2023. If they're pulling that stunt, imagine what they're likely saying to prospective employers that reach out to them to confirm I worked there. I often wonder if they are slandering and defaming my character as inept, incompetent, and stupid, and perhaps hostile, and also illegally divuldging how I left their company in order to blacklist me and prevent me from working anywhere else ever again. How else can I explain that, when I tried hard to look for another job for about 6 months in early 2023, and just kept getting rejected over and over again (even though I was highly qualified for the jobs, and even if I wasn't, I would quickly and easily be able to be trained and learn well to be able to do the job with minimal supervision (all they would need to do is just ask my former supervisor Dennis, and he could tell you he didn't need to hover over me all the time once he trained me on things))? I also firmly believe that there is a lot of discrimination in the job market as well. So I have long felt like I had the odds stacked against me. Once again, I will REITERATE that NOBODY is helping me in this dire emergency, not even my own immediate family. If I don't get approved for that $400 grant money sooner rather than later, or if by some miracle, I get approved for disability sooner rather than later, me and my emotional support cat, Winona will be homeless. I guess that's what people want for us, since barely anyone is even donating to this PUBLIC fundraiser or sending any gift cards to offset the cost of things these days (and no, not even my LINK card covers the cost of food these days!!!!). I just requested $2,189.70 through Zelle to my narcissistic mom. I doubt she will follow through without confirming with my sister, even though I put a note about it in the request. I know, in her narcissistic and abusive mind, she would rather have me and Winona go live with her, so she can just isolate and control me all over again, and also verbally & emotionally & mentally & psychologically abuse me & never let me properly heal. You can't heal in the same environment that made you sick to begin with, and she is the root cause of my PTSD. One would only HOPE she wouldn't want me to be homeless, despite the fact that I have made the conscientious decision to not speak to her since the end of May 2023 to protect my peace and sanity, but one never knows how truly evil a narcissist can be. I deserve a lot more in reparations from her from all the various forms of childhood abuse I had to endure from her that damaged he as an adult. But I know I'll never get it. And who the hell even knows if she will just snap one day and take me out if her will and out of my inheritance as if I did something egregiously wrong (when it's obvious I didn't)? Hmmm. *END*

Today is September 20, 2026. Hopefully this will be a short update. I was able to reduce my storage unit monthly rent from $181 to $122. So I am really trying to reduce the cost of things I need that are automatically taken out of my already fragile bank account. For the first time ever, my other bank account I used for cash withdrawals and other extraneous things went into overdraft, and I had to put money into it from my main account, which is already dire. Anyways, I also got my COVID Moderna vaccine shot this past Friday, and I feel like I got run over by a semi. I have been experiencing migraines, lower back pain, and aches in my left arm where I got my vaccine. I already experience chronic migraines and chronic lower back, so that's nothing new. I had a difficult time sleeping (which I already do anyways). That's all I have to write in this update. Thanks for reading and paying attention if you have been doing so.