Essa

For most of my life, people knew me as the positive one. The one who smiled through difficult times. The one who encouraged others when they were struggling. The one who always seemed to find a way forward, no matter what life threw at her. What most people didn’t know was how much pain I was carrying behind that smile. My name is Essa. For privacy and safety reasons, I am using a nickname, but every word of this story is true. Today, I am sharing something I have spent years trying to hide. Not because I want sympathy. Not because I want anyone to rescue me. But because after years of surviving, I am finally learning that it’s okay to ask for help. A Decade of Fighting an Invisible Illness In 2014, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. What many people don’t realize is that Crohn’s is more than a digestive disease. It affects every part of your life. It means living with chronic pain. It means exhaustion that sleep doesn’t always fix. It means planning your life around treatments, appointments, flare-ups, and uncertainty. It means never knowing when your body will decide that today is going to be a difficult day. For over ten years, I have done my best to keep going despite it. I worked. I smiled. I pushed through. I tried to build a life while carrying an illness that most people could never see. But while I was fighting Crohn’s disease, another battle was quietly taking place behind closed doors. The Relationship That Changed Everything For more than five years, I lived in a relationship that slowly broke me down. The abuse wasn’t only psychological . It was emotional. Physical. Financial. It was manipulation, coercive control, constant gaslighting, intimidation, and constantly feeling responsible for someone else’s well-being while neglecting my own and walking on eggshells. Like many survivors, I stayed longer than I should have. I believed things would improve. I believed if I loved harder, helped more, sacrificed more, things would eventually change. Instead, I watched my confidence disappear. My financial stability disappear. My sense of self disappear. I spent years trying to help someone else rebuild their life while my own life was quietly falling apart. The person I once was became someone focused entirely on surviving. The Hardest Decision of My Life, In November 2024, I finally found the courage to leave. People often celebrate the moment someone escapes an abusive relationship. What they don’t talk about is what happens afterward. The debt remains. The trauma remains. The anxiety remains. The nightmares remain. The emotional wounds remain. Leaving was not the end of my struggle. It was the beginning of rebuilding my entire life from the ground up. What Survival Really Looks Like People often tell survivors how brave they are. What they don’t see are the moments behind closed doors. The nights spent crying because you’re overwhelmed and don’t know how you’re going to make it through another month. The panic when another bill arrives. The exhaustion of trying to recover emotionally while your body is fighting a chronic illness at the same time. The loneliness of watching everyone else’s life move forward while yours feels stuck in place. When I left the relationship, I had nowhere else to go. I moved into a living situation that keeps a roof over my head, but it is not the peaceful environment I need to heal. It is simply where I can afford to be while I try to recover financially and emotionally. I am grateful to have somewhere to stay. But I still dream of the day I can create a safe, peaceful space of my own. A place where healing can truly begin. A place where I can finally breathe. A place where I no longer feel trapped by circumstances beyond my control. The Battle Continues Recently, my Crohn’s disease has become more difficult to manage. The Stelara injections that once provided relief for nearly four weeks are no longer lasting the way they used to. Now, after only a few weeks, the symptoms begin to return. The pain returns. The fatigue returns. The struggle returns. And yet life keeps moving. The bills don’t stop. The responsibilities don’t stop. The healing doesn’t stop. So I keep going. Because I have to. Because despite everything, I still believe there is a future worth fighting for. The One Who Stayed There is one part of my story that might sound small, but it means everything to me. My cat. During some of the darkest moments of my life, when I felt completely alone, he was there. When I cried, he stayed. When anxiety kept me awake, he stayed. When I felt like I had lost everything familiar, he stayed. Curled up beside me, asking for nothing except to be close. There were days when his quiet presence reminded me that I still mattered when I had forgotten it myself. Anyone who has ever found comfort in an animal during difficult times will understand exactly what I mean. Why I Am Asking For Help Asking for help is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have spent years trying to carry everything alone. But the truth is that healing requires more than determination. It requires stability. It requires support. It requires the ability to focus on recovery instead of constantly worrying about survival. My goal is to raise $25,000 CAD to help me rebuild my life after years of abuse while continuing to manage Crohn’s disease and trauma recovery. How Your Support Will Help The funds raised will help: • Pay down debt accumulated during and after the abusive relationship. • Cover medical expenses and treatments related to Crohn’s disease. • Continue trauma therapy and mental health support for complex PTSD, anxiety, and recovery. • Assist with transportation and essential living expenses. • Create the financial stability needed to eventually move into a healthier, more peaceful living environment where healing can truly happen. Why This Matters This fundraiser is not about giving up. It’s about finally having a chance. A chance to heal. A chance to breathe. A chance to rebuild. A chance to discover who I am beyond survival. For years, I fought to stay alive emotionally, physically, and financially. Now I am trying to build a life that feels worth living. If my story has touched your heart, I humbly ask you to consider donating or sharing this fundraiser. Every contribution, no matter the amount, helps lighten a burden I have been carrying for far too long. Every share helps my story reach someone who may be able to help. Every act of kindness reminds me that I am not alone. From My Heart If you have taken the time to read my story, thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring. Thank you for reminding me that even after the darkest chapters, there is still hope for a new beginning. After years of surviving, I am finally trying to rebuild. And with your support, I believe that one day I will find my light again. With love, gratitude, and hope, Essa ♥️