Kendelle Phillips

As we get closer to the 2-year anniversary of losing Zeppelin, I find myself annoyed at all of the daily life, human crap we have to deal with. It seems so trivial and unnecessary. It’s pulling my attention away from processing what happened and grieving the loss of him. The loss of us. The loss of a life that wanted to be lived.
 I just want to focus on memories of him and let the waves of grief and sadness wash over me without having to pause for this human existence.
 I would be an absolute basket case right now if it weren’t for you all supporting us as we make this huge decision to move to Oregon. If it weren’t for these donations, Mikey and I would be panicking and stressing day and night, racking our brains trying to figure out how to make this work.
 With our financial goal almost met, we are able to know that the basics are covered. That with a strict budget and sacrifices, we can make this move to Oregon happen. Today, I have a peace that wouldn’t be present if it weren’t for y’all and your donations. My family is and will forever be so grateful for those who held us up during our darkest times.
 Please keep sharing the GoFundMe and our Venmo (kendelle-phillips) & CashApp ($kendellephillips)! We are almost there, but we haven’t met the goal yet, and there are so many more expenses that weren’t factored into this goal.
 Thank you for the gift of security. -Kendelle, Mikey, Luca, Florin, and Zeppelin in spirit *Photo from our trip to the Oregon coast.

Almost two years ago, our teenage son Zeppelin was murdered outside of our home in Nashville, TN. We’re still not okay. Both of us kept waiting for the part where it gets easier, and it just keeps getting harder. As time goes on the shock has worn off and the reality of losing him mixed with intense trauma from the violence brings us to our knees. We’re coming up on that time of year again and it has become clear that we cannot keep doing this by ourselves. We are giving our boys a fraction of what they need right now. Not because we don’t love them completely. But because there is literally nothing left in either of us to give. For two years we have held our heads up high and fought hurdle after hurdle, all while being so incredibly wounded ourselves and trying to parent and bring safety to two grieving and traumatized children. We are losing. We simply cannot go on without help. So we’re moving to Oregon. Kendelle’s parents are there in Eugene, and have offered to let us stay with them rent free while we heal and get back on our feet. Her brothers and sisters in law are there, along with MANY aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins, and friends that feel like family. Her last living grandparent lives in Eugene and turns 100 next year, and we want to spend as much time with him as we possibly can before he goes to join Zeppelin on the other side. We will be close enough to Zeppelin’s dad in Portland to see him and be able to heal together with him. Mikey’s family is sprinkled throughout Oregon too and will be a source of comfort and support. That’s the whole plan. Get to the people and let them help. Two unromantic reasons we want to make the move before winter. We want the kids settled into a school at the beginning of the year instead of dropped into the middle of one. And we’ll be taking a moving truck over the mountains, and December is not the month for that with two cars, a moving truck, two kids, and two big dogs. Getting there is about 2,300 miles and five or six days on the road. Motels that will take the dogs, gas for three vehicles, food for four people for the better part of a week. That part alone adds up fast, and then there’s the cost of the moving truck, storage, and any fees associated with moving out of our current home. We can’t pay for this. That’s the problem, plainly. We are not treading water over here. We went under a while ago and have been holding our breath and trying our hardest to keep going. Losing a child rips the rug out from underneath you without any warning or safety net. We are both self employed, and our income is service based and depends on us feeling like whole, functioning people. Which, as you can imagine, is almost impossible and leaves us so depleted. We need your help. What we raise goes toward the move itself and toward keeping our bills current while we make this transition back. Some of you already showed up for us once, in the worst days of our lives, and we have never once forgotten it. Coming back a second time is the hardest part of writing this. But we’d rather ask than keep pretending, and we’d rather our kids have parents who are present and healthy than parents who were too proud. If you can give, thank you. If you can’t, share it, or just think of and pray for us. All of those things are real help. We’re trying to get to the people who can hold us up for a while until we’re able to do it again on our own. With so much love and immeasurable gratitude, Mikey, Kendelle, Luca, and Florin