Clifton Wallace

Day 99. Don’t know when I’m going to make it home, but I know I’m worth it. ♥️

80 DAYS. Today marks 80 consecutive days in the hospital. When I came in, I was a Status 4 heart transplant candidate, and the goal was simple: get through the infection, get healthy, and hopefully get home safely. I never imagined this journey would lead to me being bumped up to Status 2 because of a serious LVAD driveline infection. There were some scary moments along the way. I was taken off the transplant list, and there were conversations about septic shock, removing my LVAD and replacing it with another device, and even putting me on another machine that could have kept me hospitalized indefinitely. There were a lot of unknowns, but thankfully we found antibiotics that worked, and they have worked amazingly well. For nearly six weeks now, both my blood cultures and tissue cultures have come back negative, which is a huge step in the right direction. I've also had a wound vac and have gone into surgery 19 times for driveline washouts, where they go into the area around my LVAD, remove infected tissue, clean everything out, and put the wound vac back in. For about eight weeks I was going to surgery twice a week, but for the past three weeks I've been down to once a week because the site has been looking clean and healing well. It looks like the bacteria may finally be out of my body. Still, the doctors can't just send me home and hope for the best. With an infection this serious they have to be extremely careful, because nobody wants me discharged only to get sick again and end up right back here. So here I am on day 80. I still have my apartment, my bills, and my responsibilities, and I still can't work while I'm in here. I also don't know when I'm getting out. Even though I've been in the hospital for 80 days, I've only been consistently active as a Status 2 candidate for 29 days because of all the back and forth between active and inactive. Now I've been continuously listed for 29 straight days, and that's a blessing, but the wait is still unpredictable. It could be a few more weeks or it could be two, three, or even four more months. I may not leave this hospital until 2027, and only God knows. So I'm taking it one day at a time, keeping my faith, doing what my doctors tell me, staying as active as I can, and doing everything in my power to be ready when that phone call comes. Through all of this, I've also had to deal with something I never imagined experiencing from a hospital bed. I lost my mother. I didn't get to see her during the last three months of her life, I wasn't able to attend her services, and I wasn't able to say goodbye the way I wanted to. I carry that with me every single day. I haven't really had the chance to properly grieve, because I know what grief, anxiety, and depression can do to my heart, and right now I have to protect my heart literally and figuratively. I made my mother a promise that I'm going to get out of here, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep fighting, get healthy, stay ready for my heart, and make the most of the life I'm given on the other side of this. I also want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has donated, prayed, checked on me, and shared my story. I have people looking out for me from all over the world, and knowing you care means more than I can explain. I've been sharing updates on Instagram @iamcliffthegift, Facebook, TikTok, and my other platforms, but I haven't posted as many hospital updates lately because I don't want my entire existence to become "Cliff is in the hospital." I'm still trying to create, laugh, feel normal, and just be me. But I'm not going to lie to you, this shit is hard. If you're able to contribute, anything helps. I'm simply trying to stay afloat while I can't work and keep up with the responsibilities waiting for me outside these hospital walls. And if you can't give financially, your prayers, shares, and messages mean just as much to me. As many of you know, I also became an author during this journey. My book, Fueled by Love: The Power of Perspective and the Way You See It Changes Everything, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and other retailers, so grabbing a copy is another way to support my work. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, and God bless you. I'm still here 80 days later, still fighting and still believing. Still Fueled by Love. ❤️

Earlier this year, I created this GoFundMe because I needed help getting back into the insurance system so I could remain active on the heart transplant list. I never imagined I’d be writing this update from a hospital room where I’ve now spent the last 29 days, and where I’ll remain until I receive a new heart. Because of the infection and my transplant status, it’s no longer safe for me to wait at home. My hospital room has become my home until that phone call becomes a reality. For those who may be new here, I’ve been living with heart failure for over a decade. Five and a half years ago my heart became too weak to keep me alive on its own, and I had open heart surgery to have an LVAD implanted. That mechanical pump has kept me going ever since while I’ve waited for the gift of a heart transplant. Over the last month, what started as a driveline infection turned into much more. After multiple surgeries, wound cleanings, countless scans, procedures, and rounds of IV antibiotics, blood cultures showed the bacteria had spread beyond where it started. Because of that I was temporarily made inactive on the transplant list while my doctors worked to get the infection under control. Two days ago, I was finally placed at UNOS status 2. After waiting more than five years with my LVAD, it finally felt like a transplant wasn’t just something I hoped for anymore. It actually felt within reach. Twenty-four hours later, everything changed. Those positive blood cultures came back and I was dropped to status 7, inactive. Thankfully my most recent blood culture came back negative. Now we’re waiting on another one. If my next culture is also negative, my team will reactivate me to status 2, and once again I’ll be waiting for the call that could save my life. There are still so many unknowns. The bacteria I’m fighting already proved resistant to one of the antibiotics I was on, forcing my doctors to switch me to a stronger IV medication. Every day the goal is the same: get the infection out before it reaches the LVAD itself. If that happens, things get a lot more dangerous. Right now every blood test, every culture, every procedure, and every antibiotic is about staying one step ahead of it. Because I’m O positive, my wait for a donor heart will likely be longer than many other patients. It could be a couple of weeks. It could be several months. Nobody can tell me. That’s one of the hardest parts of this journey. The hardest part is that life outside these hospital walls doesn’t pause just because mine has. Rent is still due. Utilities still have to be paid. Insurance premiums don’t stop. Everyday living expenses don’t disappear just because I’m stuck in a hospital bed. The only difference is I can’t leave this room to earn the money to cover any of it. Asking for help has always been one of the hardest things for me. I don’t have disability. I don’t have social security. I’ve just always found a way, my whole life, that’s what I do. But for the first time I’m having a hard time finding the way. So many of you have already prayed, donated, shared this page, sent encouraging messages, and reminded me I’m not fighting this alone. I can’t fully put into words what that’s meant to me. If you’re able to give, no matter the amount, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you’re not in a position to give, sharing this is just as valuable. Every share gives this story another shot at reaching someone willing to help. For more than five years, I’ve tried to show people what it looks like to keep fighting, even when life isn’t fair. Today, I’m humbly asking you to stand beside me as I fight for my life. Pray for me. Share this. Donate if you’re able. And believe with me that somewhere out there is the heart that’s meant to save my life. I still believe God’s not finished with me yet. Fueled by Love. Always. Cliff ❤️