Adam's Divorced and Distressed Fund

I've been in the United States Navy for 17 years. Of that, married for 14.  I married young.  In my head, I wanted to be a father to my first born (I never met my biological father).  I've been on countless deployments and detachments across the globe, all of which kept me away from three beautiful children, Bradley - 15, Kaitlyn - 13, and Ryan - 3.  A sacrifice I made and did proudly for the sake of taking care of my children.

Fast forward to 2015, I made the decision to no longer live in an unhealthy environment, staying with a woman I was not in love with and didn't show any affection for.  It didn't seem right for my kids' sake and I owed it to myself and my wife to not continue living a lie.  I knew, once it was time for retirement or I was in my 50's, I didn't want to look back on life and have any regrets.  Life is too short to live with one foot in the door and the other foot out.

Mid 2016 the divorce process commences.  I paid my retainer of $3500 which would later be the worst decision ever. Trial comes and little did I know, having integrity and being honest would be detrimental to my case.  I felt like I was in the courtroom all alone.  My lawyer was merely a spectator during the entire trial.  On the other hand, I was fighting for the rights to see my children, some sort of financial stability, and my entire livelihood. 

When we started delving into the parenting she claimed I wasn't around and wasn't active in my children's lives. Mind you, I was at every event, sports game, and coached my kids' sports teams. Again, the lies were in her favor. I was actually asked why I didn't make more attempts to visit my kids who were 4 states away, while I was on sea duty and constantly adhering to the latest operational commitments.  As with any institution/organization/company, leave or vacation time is accrued. I had to be frugal about the management of the days I had so I could actually take leave during the summer (when I had custody and visitation).

The final divorce decree was entered on 24 July, 2017. Here's the breakdown...it's going to get ugly here.

1. Pay $2000 monthly in child support.
2. Pay $1000 monthly in alimony for my ex to attend school over a period of 5 years.
3. All visitation and transportation costs will be at my own expense. No meeting half way, no shared costs.
4. Wife entitled to 50% of my gross retired pay at the rank of E-7.
5. The ex will remain a beneficiary of my life insurance policy in the amount of $400,000, even after my retirement in 3 years.
6. My entire Thrift Savings Plan (essentially 401k) of $17,751 was awarded to her as well. Not a large amount but it's still unfair.
7. Payments of no less than $3000 per year will be made to her attorney until entire balance is paid.
8. Half of 2016 tax return was applied to a credit card she used while I was deployed so I could close the account. The other $5000 of last years tax return was due to her attorney, 10 days from the final judgement. UNPAID.
9. Wife claims the kids every year as exemptions for tax purposes.
10. An amount of $1910 was due to her, in relation to the equitable distribution scheme, within 90 days of the Final Judgement. UNPAID.
11. Based on the time "sharing" schedule, I have my kids for 42 overnights and she has them for 323.
12. 90 days written notice must be given to go out-of-state with my children.

Other items of interest:
1. I presently make $2,876 every two weeks.
2. After I pay her $3000 per month, pay my mortgage, expenses, etc... my take home is $252.
3. Wife and her lawyer are taking me to court for contempt due to retroactive arrearages totaling $9,872 and for the unpaid $5000 from last years taxes. The amount the court ordered me to pay during the duration of the divorce fluctuated 9 times, often as high as $2000 EACH pay period. Meaning my take home was around $1300 for the ENTIRE month. As tough as it was, I NEVER missed a single order from the court to pay and child support was ALWAYS paid.
4. Oddly enough, my ex-wife's lawyer, after the final judgement, recommended I pursue a malpractice lawsuit. Unfortunately, I don't have the money to consider it.

Court is scheduled for November 21st (14 days). I have a new attorney now (just finished a consultation), one that will hopefully shed light on the financial hardship this has created and how bias the final judgement is.  Sadly, I don' even know how I'm going to pay his services.

All in all, it's been a nightmare. I'm trying to stay as optimistic as possible. I'm driving for Uber/Lyft in the off-time (it's flexible). I've also applied with Amazon to work evenings but no shifts are available yet. I've submitted countless job applications all of which haven't panned out due to my military schedule.

I desperately need your help.  Please.  All of this has taken an unhealthy toll on my mind and spirit.  I'm over $42,000 in debt with unpaid bills and stress that's beyond comprehension.  I just want to see my children.  I know they've felt and insurmountable amount of pain and sadness.  I want to move on and continue living without this giant cloud above my head.  For those of you that know me, I'm an easygoing guy with a huge heart.  I always try to do the best for people I can make an impact on, whether I know them or not.

Any and all support received will be appropriated towards lawyer fees, retroactive support, and fighting my case for my children.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I wholeheartedly appreciate all your prayers, friendship, and support, no matter how little.  It's extremely unnerving putting all of this information out in the open but at this point, I've nearly lost everything and I'm doing this out of desperation.  Please consider sharing this story.  Thank you and God Bless.