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Parental Alienation - Fight Back!

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In September 2014, I made one of the hardest decisions in my life. I chose to leave an abusive toxic relationship and due to immigration laws, lack of finances, and being in an unfamiliar country, I also had to leave my 3 sons with my now ex husband. I won't get into the nitty gritty of mine and my ex's relationship. Just imagine what it took for a mother whose whole world revolved around her children, to leave after years of being subjected to coercive control and narcissistic behaviors.  All though he was not good to me, he has always been a half way decent parent to our sons.

My oldest boys are now 18 and I have an almost 10 year old. My ex husband has regularly refused me contact with all 3 of my sons to present day. I am a unique case of parental alienation. My image has been destroyed in my children's eyes. My older boys honestly do not remember one happy moment in their lives that involves me at this point. They have been trained to believe that everything has always been negative. This breaks my heart because I look back at the hundreds of photos I have and there are so many smiles and hugs in each one. 

I am currently fighting an international custody battle for my youngest son. Not to steal him away from his father or his brothers, but to be able to see him, love him, and rebuild the loving relationship we once had. My ex has successfully kept our sons from me and refused any indirect and direct contact for almost 4 years.

I came back to the US in 2015 after living in England illegally for almost 5 years. I had no choice as I was facing deportation if I did not leave on  my own accord. While I was in England I tried to see my sons to no avail. Friends in the UK can verify how hard I tried and the obstacles my ex husband always put in my way. I risked being arrested and sent to jail every day I was in England in order for that one moment I could see my sons again. The pain became too much to bear as my soon to be ex husband continually refused contact between me and our sons.

Thank you to some amazing friends across the globe, they helped me raise the money to get me back to the states.

When I left the UK, I arrived in the US with a single suitcase, a couple changes of clothes and a pair of slippers. I didn't even own a pair of shoes. I had no place to live, no job, no car.  Within a month I had employment. Within that month I got a vehicle. Within a couple months I had my own place. 

Since September 2015, I have done whatever I can to improve my life so that my sons . I work full time in a residential treatment facility helping youth with mental health, behavioral issues, and drug addictions. I have paid off thousands of dollars of debt that accrued during my marriage. I have rebuilt my credit, stayed on top of my bills.  I have created a world that my sons can come home to at any moment and be accepted with open arms.


I divorced my ex as soon as possible in 2016. We have a court ordered parenting plan that he has refused to follow. He hasn't sent the kids for a single visit, stopped all contact, and never provided any information as to their health, schooling, or where they even live. The UK lawyers have asked that I not hold him in contempt in the US courts until the UK courts have made their ruling.


He ceased all contact with my youngest son, shortly after my son sent me this message in November 2017:


I currently have a lawyer in the UK paid for by legal aid due to my limited income. They are fighting to make sure I can see my son. My case also falls under the Hague Convention which prevents Parental Abductions and Kidnappings. 

It has been a long hard road to get where we are now. Our next court date is not until September, but my lawyers have asked that my son come to visit me for at least 2 weeks before the year is out.


In order for this to happen, several things need to fall into place.

*I need a home with a bedroom for my son. My current living situation is a small 1 bedroom apartment.
*We need round trip plane tickets.
*We need to renew both his US and UK passports.
*We need to make sure that I am able to take time off of work while he is here. Currently I have no paid time off accrued so this would be a financial burden I can't afford.
*I need to renew my US passport in the event I have to go to the UK
*Again, I have no paid time off accrued and will need funding for flights, hotels and other necessities depending on how long the courts want me in the UK. I will also need to have a flying partner with me due to my acute fear of flying and the fact I will need to be heavily sedated to make the flights if this is the case.

All of this is far beyond my financial means or savings. I am trying as hard and fast as possible to meet the UK courts demands but with no financial backing, I am struggling.


Within the last several months a lot has happened that has put me in a tight spot. My land lord is selling his properties and I will need to move. This gives me the chance to find a bigger home.  I have a very limited budget and being a single income family, I am only allowed to purchase a home within a certain price range.  Most of these homes are fixer uppers and do not qualify for First Time Home Buyers loans. In order to get into a home that will qualify for FHA or even a good conventional loan, I need to have a decent down payment.

Part of the funds raised  will go towards a down payment on a house. At minimum I need $4200 for this. I would like to put more down so my payment is lower so that I can make this a forever home for not only myself, but if and when my sons ever come home again.

On top of this, I need all of the other costly items listed above to insure my son can come visit. 

Then the basic necessities such as things like a bed and dresser for my boy. I need toys, clothes, bedding, decorations. I need to be able to open the door to our house and for my youngest son to know he is home and he is safe. I have not been able to get these things because I live in such a small apartment.

I hate asking for help, I hate knowing that I need help. However, I have come this far with the support of an amazing family, both blood and not. I live every day with the heartache of not seeing my children and I put all of those missed opportunities with my own boys into the work I do with my faith based non-profit career. 

If you can help me get into a better financial situation, I promise to pay it forward and share the utter joy I will feel when I get to see my youngest son again.  I am also doing what I can by picking up extra shifts where I work. In this field, job burnout can happen quickly so I am trying to avoid that as well. 

This September it will be exactly 4 year since my ex has allowed me to see my youngest.  It has been about 18 months since I have actually heard my youngest sons voice. It has been 9 months since any text messaging contact stopped.  I have no idea where my son lives, where he goes to school, or if he is even healthy.  The last pictures I have of him, he was roughly 7 or 8 years old, so I don't even have a current photo of him. 

Please help me make this dream come true so that I can see him again before that saddening milestone.

Thank you so much for reading and if you have any questions, please feel free to message me.


Sincerely,

Meaghan

Please watch the following documentary. It explains what Parental Alienation is and how we can fight back. Our children are our future and there is NO reason to push a loving, caring parent out of a child's life!

Fundraising team: TeamCJK (1)

Meaghan Cook
Organizer
Billings Metropolitan Area, MT
David Cook
Team member

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