Help me grow my family

Well.....here we are. 

Let me start by saying that I am BLESSED.  Seven years ago, god gave me the most beautiful little boy a Mother could ever ask for. He is gentle and kind. Loving and sweet. Hilarious and gregarious. He is my heart. I do not now, nor have I ever taken for granted the gift that is ELI. Every single night, when I kiss him goodnight, I tell him that I love him, and that he is my greatest gift. Our life together is an unexplicable adventure filled with friendship, love, joy, music, laughter and gratitude. When I say to his small face "I am SO grateful for you!" he smiles, takes my face his hands and says "I'm grateful for YOU!"
We. are. blessed. 

When Eli was two years old, I began the journey of having a second child. And a journey it did become! I cannot even begin to count the number of failed fertility treatments. Each one breaking my heart as I wondered if I would ever be blessed again. But I fought.....fought through the horrible miscarraige, through dishonest fertility doctors that promised miracles, fought through having to save money and wait to try again once I had enough saved, fought through watching my little boy grow up asking over and over....."Mommy? Will I ever have a brother or sister?" I FOUGHT. I fought becasue deep in my heart I KNOW.....I know there is another little soul out there waiting to be a part of our family. I can't explain it. But I know. And THAT keeps me going. Because I cannot and WILL not let that little soul down. 

Up until two years ago, I planned to carry my next child. I was 39 when I had Eli, one month shy of turning 40. I wasn't worried about being of 'advanced maternal age.' But after I turned 45....my doctors began to feel otherwise. Finally, and somewhat recently, they (all of my doctors) told me that carrying at my age would be too risky. That if god forbid, something were to happen to me, Eli would lose his only parent. That was enough for me. In a sad state of defeat, I tried to come to terms with the fact that I would not, have a second child. 

Now what? Stop fighting? Give up? 
I was at a standstill.

When Eli was a baby, I used to tell him the story of how he came to be. I told him how I always knew that I wanted to be a mommy, and one night I went outside and told the stars that I was ready! And they sent him to me. One night....not too long after I came to terms with not being able to become pregnant again, Eli asked me, as he always does, if he would ever have a brother or a sister. I took him in my arms and told him that god had a plan for us. And that plan may not include another baby in our family. That we would need to just wait and see. He looked at me and said "Mommy.....maybe if we go outside and ask the stars together? Maybe they would listen if we do it together?" 
I kissed his head.
We went outside and asked the stars, together.

At that moment I knew it was NOT time to stop fighting. 

The next step was to vigorously research my options. After some long and hard research, weighing and measuring what was best for both me and Eli, I came to the decision of surrogacy. For many reasons, it is my best and in some ways my only option. But the cost....THE COST! Defeat set in again. I could never find that much money. After meeting with both the surrogate agency and the fertility doctor, it was estimated that I would need $110,000. At least. There was no way. 

And then......then came the angel. She wishes to remain anonymous. She came to me quietly and to my astonishment....offered to help me afford this part of my journey. I had $30,000 saved. She offered to match that. After crying for what seemed like an hour I told her that although I wanted to say I could not accept her generosity....if I didn't, I could never afford surrogacy. But she gave me more than money.....she gave me hope! If she could come to me and offer to help out of the goodness of her heart....then I could keep fighting! She remains the angel that I look to for hope when bumps arise in the road. Because she too knows, she knows this will happen. 

So, $60,000 secured. Not enough. Next came loans. I was able to secure $25,000 in loans. TOTAL - $85,000. STILL not enough. I am still $25,000 short of this dream. 

So......go fund me. It was not a place I hoped to be. I hoped to accomplish this by myself. Asking for help is not my strong suit. But.....I need help. So, I'm asking. 

There are a lot of worthy causes out there. Much more worthy and dire than mine. I know this. But if I don't reach out.....if I don't at least try.....then I have no choice but to stop fighting. And I'm ready for that yet.

So what do I want from you?
Anything.
A dollar, a nickel, a penny.
Anything will help me....will help US, Eli and I, grow our family.

I can't promise to name the baby after you.....but I can promise to tell her about each and every person who helped to bring her here.
And how grateful we are to every one of you. 

Thanks friends.
xo
Felicia and Eli