Yall My Nerves Is BAD (Disable by Brain Injury and Sepsis)

First things first: Because of my brain injuries, this is the third *&*%^$#$% GoFundMe that I have set up. But this one I am gonna launch frfr. Right now. I do not care that if in three days I want to write a whole 'nother story, THIS is the one yall are gonna get. Because I am on the struggle bus and I am tired tired. *&%$^

And I need to fix the AC on the boat!

[As you will soon see, AI helped me tell my story from here on out. Watch how this works...]

Traumatic Brain Injury - an injury to the brain caused by an external force, such as a blow or jolt to the head, or by something penetrating the skull. This can lead to a range of physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms.

Sepsis - an extremely painful, life-threatening condition that occurs when the body's response to an infection damages its own tissues and organs. It's a medical emergency that can lead to organ failure, tissue damage, and even death if not treated quickly. Sepsis survivors experience Post-Sepsis Syndrome (PSS), which can include cognitive problems like memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, slower thinking, and impaired decision-making.

This is the before and after the second concussion. Oddly enough, my nose broke but it snapped right back into place.

This is where I'm at...the intersection of TBI and Post Sepsis. If you want to read how I got here, you can read How I Got Here - My TBI Story on my shanda site. It's wild.

THE CARETAKER NOW NEEDS CARE

I’ve spent half of my life taking care of others—

I raised two sons as a single mom.

I cared for my mother and my ex-husband through debilitating, terminal illnesses.

I was always taking someone to the ER, a doctor's office, a hospital, or going to some pharmacy. I’ve spent more weeks sleeping in hospitals than most people I know except doctors—and I wasn't even the patient.

But now I am the one who needs care.

While waiting over a year to even see a neurologist, I built my own rehab plan for TBI recovery—infrared light therapy, Lion's mane mushrooms, Flaxseed oil, electrical nerve stimulation, cognitive exercises and games—and it was working. Then, just two months ago, I underwent a routine procedure, aspirated under sedation, developed pneumonia, which within hours turned into sepsis. Sepsis can cause brain swelling and the brain blood barrier to be compromised. This leads to the same symptoms of a TBI. But when you already have a TBI, sepsis exacerbates it. Yeah...so there's that.

The recovery has been brutal. My brain doesn’t work the way it used to.

I experience memory lapses, confusion, exhaustion, and cognitive fog every day. The migraines had subsided quite a bit but they have come back. Disability benefits take time, and I have no income in the meantime. I had been freelancing and selling items online but I can no longer coordinate either of those.

Thankfully, I now have a care team:

A neurologist, two social workers, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and physical and speech therapists who are working hard to fast-track support.

But until that kicks in, I still have to survive—covering daily expenses while managing a body and mind that are deeply overwhelmed and don’t cooperate at times.

I've tried to cover this up for almost two years now. Not because I was ashamed but because I struggled with becoming a different person.

But this is who I am now. Hopefully, it is just for right now.

I'M NOT SAFE WHERE I AM

I currently live on a 50-year-old boat. I love it—but with my TBIs it’s no longer safe so I need to sell it.

Three weeks ago, a neighbor of mine who was also disabled and lived on his boat recently fell and passed away.

That was my wake-up call. My sailing days are over.

I lose my balance. I've slipped. I haven't had a bad fall but it is seriously in the realm of possibility. So, I’ve been trying to find an assisted living facility for people with TBI, but waitlists are months long.

And a nursing home is NOT my vibe. Right now that is the only option I have.

What I really need is to get to Belize, where I’ve already laid the groundwork for something that could help not just me, but others too.

HOW THIS TIES INTO THRIVE

Thrive International is the regenerative sanctuary I’ve been creating on 21 acres of rainforest in Belize. It’s not just a dream—it’s a real project. I've already invested years of effort, training, relationships, and personal funds into land stewardship, permaculture, ancestral healing, and sustainability. You can read about it if you click the link above.

I have people on the ground—Irma, Eugene, Will, and others—holding it down until I can return.

The initial plans were to start by building a communal space with three attached structures—a community kitchen, a yoga/meditation area, and a performance and classroom space—but now, for health and safety reasons, I need to build my own safe and healing home first.

Because I know healing is important. And maybe wanting to help others heal was a way to avoid my own healing. But now I've got to deal with my own healing journey. And I don't have a choice.

So, once I’m stable, we’ll build Irma's home next. Then the commons. And others will come and we will build for them, too. Thrive will grow into the sanctuary it’s meant to be—for climate survivors, for people escaping injustice and instability, for healers, for caretakers who’ve run out of care.

Yes, right now, this fundraiser is about me. But Thrive has always been about all the people, like me, who will need space and a connection to the land to Thrive and begin again.

MY HEALING HOME IN BELIZE

As part of my healing journey, I’m working to build a 20x30 accessible, sustainable, off-grid tiny house—a space where I can live independently, safely, and in community.

This isn’t just any house. It’s accessible housing, specifically designed for people with Traumatic Brain Injury and Post-Sepsis Syndrome brain fog.

Based on research and specialist guidance, the house will include:

• A simple, open layout to reduce confusion

• Low sensory design with natural finishes

• Automated safety features (e.g. motion sensors, shutoffs)

• No stove, to prevent cognitive-related accidents

• A quiet space to support balance and vision processing

You can read more about these design ideas here:

Designing Homes for People with Brain Injury – BrainLine.org

Robin Hill Farm – Sustainable Recovery Housing

This home is a prototype. A living model. Once built, it will help show what safe, sustainable, trauma-informed housing can look like—for others navigating complex health and environmental challenges.

These are pre-built sustainable homes that can easily be modified for safe living.

SHORT-TERM NEEDS: RENT AND CARE

My vestibular symptom (the system that coordinates my vision and balance) means my sailing days are likely over. I’m preparing to sell the boat, but right now I urgently need $9,000 to cover back and forward rent for the next 6 months, and a window AC unit, while I stabilize and transition to land.

I also need to see a neuro-ophthalmologist due to persistent double vision. My regular eye exams are clear, but my brain isn’t processing images correctly—and insurance is giving me the runaround.

YOUR HELP MATTERS

If you can contribute just $5 AND SHARE WIDELY, it helps me take one step closer to stability, safety, and healing—not just for myself, but for everyone who’s waiting on Thrive to become real.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

Donate what you can. My vision of Thrive is what is keeping me alive but every small gift helps me stay afloat, take care of myself, and keep this vision alive.

And if you can’t give, please share this with someone who might.

This is how we build a world rooted in care—not just for the strong, not just for the wealthy—but for those of us who still believe in healing, interdependence, and community.

Thank you for helping me not let myself down again.

And thank you for being part of the vision.

~Shanda

I use AI due to cognitive changes from multiple TBIs. It’s an accessibility tool. The stories, visions and voice are mine—AI helps shape the words when I can’t.

[I wonder if yall could tell my authentic voice from AI's Shanda voice...] :-D