Help Us raise money to have a baby
Donation protected
I met my best friend on a blind date in 2001. It was September 15 – four days after 9/11. The whole world was upside down and the last thing we were both thinking about was entertaining a blind date, which would no doubt be a bad experience. And while each of us had secretly thought of cancelling, we ended up giving it a go. And I’m so glad we did. The second I saw her face, I knew I would be with this woman forever. She had warm eyes, an infectious smile and a great big laugh. For the next 11 hours, we talked about everything – including how much we both wanted kids. Yup – even on that first night, we were talking about kids. That night we agreed that 3 children would be perfect for us.
A couple of years into dating I lost my job as part of an acquisition. By then our country was dealing with two wars, the economy was slow and with so much uncertainty companies took their time to fill jobs. It took me the better part of a year to find work of any significant meaning. But once I was back on my feet, I quickly proposed. We were so happy and anxious to start our lives together. We were engaged in June and our wedding was to be that following March. But unfortunately, I was laid off again a month before our wedding – not exactly how I had wanted to kick off married life.
Anyone who has ever been laid off will tell you that it is devastating, and for it to happen twice in under two years is nearly crippling. Two layoffs in two years was an enormous blow and we struggled both financially and emotionally. It was not how either of us envisioned our lives at that time. We should be starting our lives together, starting our family! Everyone around us was happily moving forward and we were just stuck in a holding pattern. How could we make plans for anything with the immediate future so unclear?
Determined not to leave our financial future in the hands of others, we decided to follow our passion and start a photography business and in the meantime, I continued to search for something more traditional. The next two years were difficult; we put everything we had into making our business work – every extra minute was spent working, planning, training, networking, reading, etc. Every extra dollar was spent investing in equipment, material, supplies, and education. And all along we had been trying to conceive with no success. Perhaps the stress we were under didn’t create the best environment to conceive, but we never lost hope. We knew that one day soon we would have the family we always wanted.
Interviews were few and far between and then I received a call from an old boss asking me to join their new company. I quickly jumped at the chance to work for my old friend and mentor. Perhaps this was it - maybe we can finally right our ship and steer ourselves into the life we always dreamed of. But the universe had another hurdle in store for us. As if it were a bad dream, I was yet again part of another layoff just shortly after the financial crisis of ’08. We felt further from obtaining our dream of having children than we ever felt before.
Month after month, we had tried to conceive. We were determined to stay positive, remind ourselves that perhaps our timing was simply a little off (clearly). So we charted cycles and tracked everything! No luck. We stopped, then started again. NO LUCK. For the next few years we tried unsuccessfully to have a baby, telling ourselves that maybe it was our busy schedules, and the stress of running our business. In 2012, we finally decided to pursue IVF treatments. We went through numerous cycles of ICSI, all ending in either negative pregnancy tests or miscarriages. Hoping that it might be the treatments we were on, we sought a second opinion with another fertility specialist. He confirmed what our first doctor had been gently trying to tell us. The chances of us getting pregnant were between 5-10% due to low ovarian reserve (low egg count).
We were devastated. How can this be so difficult for us, and so easy for others? We were struggling with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, second guessing, and felt very un-deserved.
After several tests with the second fertility specialist, it was their recommendation that our best chances of becoming parents were to use an egg donor. The eggs from another woman would be fertilized with my sperm, but transferred to Diane who would then carry and deliver our baby. Although the treatment itself is straightforward, the cost is significant - $45,000.
Even though our business stands on its own now, the financial contribution that was needed for the numerous IVF treatments has left us with little to no savings. Certainly $45,000 is beyond what we’re currently able to afford and we don’t have the financial bandwidth to save for it in a timeframe that makes sense.
I live with a tremendous amount of guilt and a strong sense of responsibility as to why we aren’t parents today. I feel the years I spent looking for stable work, and the stress and financial setbacks we experienced in starting our business took their toll on our efforts to start our family.
Perhaps I may not be worthy, but I know in my heart that Diane is and she would be an amazing mother. It breaks my heart when I see the sadness in her eyes even as she smiles. To think that my work circumstances and financial setbacks have played a role in my wife never experiencing the joys of raising a child is something I live with every day.
Our story is not unlike so many others that have had to struggle in recent years. If by some chance we were blessed with a child I know that we would be loving and caring parents. We would raise our child to be the best they could be and to help others in whatever way possible, whenever possible.
Why now? Why reach out to everyone? Why GoFundMe? Diane and I are very private people and sharing such personal and emotional information about our lives has not and does not come easily. Diane and I wouldn’t be doing this if we felt that there were any other options for us to have a child of our own.
We certainly don’t have any expectations but we remain hopeful. I do know that Diane and I would be enormously grateful to know that you’ve read our story and if by some chance you’re willing and able to help us with a donation we would be eternally grateful.
Thank you!
A couple of years into dating I lost my job as part of an acquisition. By then our country was dealing with two wars, the economy was slow and with so much uncertainty companies took their time to fill jobs. It took me the better part of a year to find work of any significant meaning. But once I was back on my feet, I quickly proposed. We were so happy and anxious to start our lives together. We were engaged in June and our wedding was to be that following March. But unfortunately, I was laid off again a month before our wedding – not exactly how I had wanted to kick off married life.
Anyone who has ever been laid off will tell you that it is devastating, and for it to happen twice in under two years is nearly crippling. Two layoffs in two years was an enormous blow and we struggled both financially and emotionally. It was not how either of us envisioned our lives at that time. We should be starting our lives together, starting our family! Everyone around us was happily moving forward and we were just stuck in a holding pattern. How could we make plans for anything with the immediate future so unclear?
Determined not to leave our financial future in the hands of others, we decided to follow our passion and start a photography business and in the meantime, I continued to search for something more traditional. The next two years were difficult; we put everything we had into making our business work – every extra minute was spent working, planning, training, networking, reading, etc. Every extra dollar was spent investing in equipment, material, supplies, and education. And all along we had been trying to conceive with no success. Perhaps the stress we were under didn’t create the best environment to conceive, but we never lost hope. We knew that one day soon we would have the family we always wanted.
Interviews were few and far between and then I received a call from an old boss asking me to join their new company. I quickly jumped at the chance to work for my old friend and mentor. Perhaps this was it - maybe we can finally right our ship and steer ourselves into the life we always dreamed of. But the universe had another hurdle in store for us. As if it were a bad dream, I was yet again part of another layoff just shortly after the financial crisis of ’08. We felt further from obtaining our dream of having children than we ever felt before.
Month after month, we had tried to conceive. We were determined to stay positive, remind ourselves that perhaps our timing was simply a little off (clearly). So we charted cycles and tracked everything! No luck. We stopped, then started again. NO LUCK. For the next few years we tried unsuccessfully to have a baby, telling ourselves that maybe it was our busy schedules, and the stress of running our business. In 2012, we finally decided to pursue IVF treatments. We went through numerous cycles of ICSI, all ending in either negative pregnancy tests or miscarriages. Hoping that it might be the treatments we were on, we sought a second opinion with another fertility specialist. He confirmed what our first doctor had been gently trying to tell us. The chances of us getting pregnant were between 5-10% due to low ovarian reserve (low egg count).
We were devastated. How can this be so difficult for us, and so easy for others? We were struggling with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, second guessing, and felt very un-deserved.
After several tests with the second fertility specialist, it was their recommendation that our best chances of becoming parents were to use an egg donor. The eggs from another woman would be fertilized with my sperm, but transferred to Diane who would then carry and deliver our baby. Although the treatment itself is straightforward, the cost is significant - $45,000.
Even though our business stands on its own now, the financial contribution that was needed for the numerous IVF treatments has left us with little to no savings. Certainly $45,000 is beyond what we’re currently able to afford and we don’t have the financial bandwidth to save for it in a timeframe that makes sense.
I live with a tremendous amount of guilt and a strong sense of responsibility as to why we aren’t parents today. I feel the years I spent looking for stable work, and the stress and financial setbacks we experienced in starting our business took their toll on our efforts to start our family.
Perhaps I may not be worthy, but I know in my heart that Diane is and she would be an amazing mother. It breaks my heart when I see the sadness in her eyes even as she smiles. To think that my work circumstances and financial setbacks have played a role in my wife never experiencing the joys of raising a child is something I live with every day.
Our story is not unlike so many others that have had to struggle in recent years. If by some chance we were blessed with a child I know that we would be loving and caring parents. We would raise our child to be the best they could be and to help others in whatever way possible, whenever possible.
Why now? Why reach out to everyone? Why GoFundMe? Diane and I are very private people and sharing such personal and emotional information about our lives has not and does not come easily. Diane and I wouldn’t be doing this if we felt that there were any other options for us to have a child of our own.
We certainly don’t have any expectations but we remain hopeful. I do know that Diane and I would be enormously grateful to know that you’ve read our story and if by some chance you’re willing and able to help us with a donation we would be eternally grateful.
Thank you!
Organiser
Tony Pentimalli
Organiser
Attleboro, MA