Trek Slovenia for Grief Encounter

I'm raising money for Grief Encounter! A charity SO close to my heart. I, alongside 20 others are trekking Lake Slovenia October 14-18th. This mental and physical challenge will involve trekking up to 20 miles a day (for 20 years of grief encounter!) for 3 days up Slovenia’a mountains.

On the 2nd February 2006, aged 40 years old, my dad died of bowel cancer; I was 9, my big brother Daniel 11, and my little brother Jack, 6.

From the age of 34, my dad fought his cancer bravely and with dignity, shielding myself and my 2 brothers from most of the pain and the reality of having a terminal illness. But, nearer to the end of his life, when during a visit to the North London Hospice my mum was told he had only one week to live, the reality was impossible to hide. My mum felt she had nowhere to turn for advice and support on how to tell her children that their daddy was going to die.

Someone reached out, and told her to call Shelley Gilbert at Grief Encounter, ‘she would help’; and there began a now 18-year relationship with this charity and my family. Shelley was able to talk about my dad’s impending death with love, wisdom and honesty.

The impact of my dad’s death was different for all of us- For me it was like one huge rock crashing into my world, blocking my horizon, filling my future with darkness. I couldn’t understand how I could live with being so ‘different’ from all my friends. I was no longer Jodie the 9-year-old, part of a happy family of 5, I was a 9 year-old who was never going to see her dad again, and I was finally aware of this. The journey of my grief had begun.

At the age of just 6, my baby brother Jack didn’t really understand what had happened. How could a 6-year-old know the difference between death and just ‘gone away’, which my dad had regularly done over the last few years for treatment. On the day my dad died, Jack was picked up early from school with his friends. He said it was the best day of his life because he finished school early. He was unable to comprehend the enormity of what had just happened to our family. But from that point on, for him, everything became about putting a smile on mum’s face. Later, when we started therapy sessions with Grief Encounter, he would draw images of him and my mum smiling, with the words ‘I wish mummy could be happy without my daddy’. On some level what Jack understood, was that if my mum was ok, he would be ok.

Daniel was 11, the eldest, and didn’t like speaking about loss or the impact of it on him. His focus became holding our family together, thinking it was his responsibility to be the man of the house.

And then there was my mum, who had just told her three children that their daddy had died. She had to balance her own grief and emotions with caring for the three of us.

While all of this was unfolding, we were so fortunate to have all our family and friends around us, supporting us. For many people, grief encounter becomes their family and friends. Loss, death, terminal illness, grief- these are all things we would prefer not to experience, but which will touch us all.

In 2006, we were the 3rd family using Grief Encounter. Now, 18 years later, they see over 4000 bereaved children and young people annually. To Grief Encounter, we were not a number - we were 3 bereaved children and a widow, all grieving in our own unique ways. That approach is the same today as it was then, despite the ever-increasing numbers they support. Grief Encounter’s professional team were able to give each of us a different type of support, Mum sought advice so weight could be lifted off her shoulders, so she didn’t feel so alone as she cared for us. Daniel found that he needed a neutral outsider to speak to about his true feelings , and a break from putting a brave face on at home. I learnt, through art therapy, the importance of holding on to memories, drawing and creating as many pictures of Dad as I could. I was also able to turn to grief encounter when I became anxious about my mum meeting a new man and ‘moving on’, what I now know is you move forward –

And Jack, through play therapy, could learn and understand the reality of our new normal.

18 years on, my grief re surfaces at all the milestones of life , for example Going to university, my graduation, starting my first job, getting engaged , all times I wonder what he would be saying to me and wishing he could be there- I felt excitement but missed him so deeply. How will I feel on my wedding day when he is not able to walk me down the aisle. This is the legacy of grief.

I am hoping to raise funds for this incredible charity , I encourage you all to give generously to this amazing charity, a charity that can hold our hands through the darkest times of our lives and learn to live again.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this :)