Support a Scared Trans Woman Seeking Safety and Peace

Hello, my name is Addison and I'm a trans woman living in the United States.

I feel honestly strange coming here and asking for help, especially with so many scary things happening out in the world. I don't know if I even feel like I deserve donations or help. There are so many people out there in worse and scarier situations than me, so I feel like emphasizing if you can donate, maybe look to those more in need and in more immediate danger.

The fear I've been feeling lately though is intense, alongside the powerlessness. I fear that if things really go south, then I'll be stuck; I'll be in danger no matter where I am.

I live in a state that's a lot safer than most. I live in Washington state, so I already know I'm luckier than a lot of my trans brothers and sisters stuck in more cruel and dangerous states. Despite that, though, I have this overwhelming sense of dread, like it's just a matter of time before things crumble around me.

It's frustrating. I have no savings, no nest egg for emergencies, nothing. On top of that, I have a $5,000 debt into a 401k loan I got to consolidate my debt. My understanding of it is if I quit my job, I'd need to pay off all that in its entirety basically all at once, and I don't have that. That's sort of why the minimum goal is $5,000—to get rid of that debt so I have some wiggle room.

Now for the larger total goal, I'll be frank, it's a bit arbitrary. I don't know how much I would need if I needed to flee or if things got dangerous enough to warrant going somewhere else. I just know immigrating anywhere, especially somewhere safe for trans people, would take a lot of time and effort.

My main plan if things went bad, to be totally honest, is to go overseas to live with my fiancée while we figure out where to go together. She lives in the UK, and it's not a great place for trans folks from what I've seen and been told, but at least we would be together, and we would try to immigrate together somewhere safer and kinder for the both of us.

I don't know if $25,000 is too much or too little, but I don't have anything, and I feel so stuck. I hate the constant fear of not knowing if tomorrow is going to be the day all hell breaks loose, and having a nest egg for emergencies, for if I need to get out and just survive for a while, would give me a lot of peace of mind and a lot more security and safety.

Like I said before, there are a lot of people in immediate danger, so I really feel strange asking for help as a preventative measure, but I'm scared and I feel helpless, and I just want SOMETHING to ease that sense of helplessness that my unstable finances stem from.

It makes me a little sad to be honest, i was originally considering coming here to ask for help to get bottom surgery, but now i just need to ask for help to gain a sense of security to make sure I'm just safe existing.

To anyone who does donate and helps this anxious and trapped feeling trans girl, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means the world to me.