So, not a lot of people know about the journey that we have been on so we have decided to share it with you all. It has taken lot of guts doing this, as we both didn’t really want to air our business on social media, for the world to see and judge us. But, we have had a long think about this and wanted to raise awareness of what people are going through. Things which are hidden that you wouldn’t even know about, unless they told you.

Me and Chris have been together for 13 years and married nearly 5 years. We have been trying for a baby for many years now and it’s just not been happening. We have had many people saying to us “when are you going to have a baby?" “It will be your turn next." “Aren’t you broody?" etc. etc.

We decided around 9 years ago to go and get checked out by our doctors, to see what the issue was. (Not going into much detail but, YES as we thought, there were fertility issues). We have gone to many appointments not having a clue about what’s going on or why it’s happening to us but we have always been determined that this wouldn’t stop us.

We were then told about IVF so we decided we would attend a fertility clinic for more information. When leaving the clinic, our heads were all over the place, especially with the low success rate of actually getting pregnant.

Fast forward a couple of years, after this we decided to go ahead and start the IVF process. We needed ICSI (IVF) treatment. I had to undergo hysteroscopy to make sure my body was working and that I was able to carry a baby. The results of this were fine and we were able to proceed. Me and Chris had to go for many of checks (blood tests, internals and scans) to make sure everything was ok.

We then received all the medication (NEEDLES and tablets to begin), we were going in blind, as we had never done this before. On the first morning, when I needed to take the first injection (done at home by our selves), I had a complete melt down. I am absolutely petrified of needles and couldn’t bring myself to do it. I cried and cried then, ended up driving to my sister’s house and eventually let her do the needle for me. Each day I had to have 2 needles, for around 2 weeks, each morning, in my tummy. I started using Elma cream and allowed Chris to do this for me. (This was a HUGE deal for both of us with having needle phobias)

After this, we were able to pull the trigger (do our final needle) before going in for egg collection and sperm retrieval. I was put to sleep for the procedure, so didn’t feel much pain, until the following day. After that, I received a phone call from the embryologist saying that I had 16 eggs retrieved. They then had to wait 5 days and see how many fertilised with the sperm. Each morning, they would call with the new numbers. Day 1: they called, 9 had made it. Day 2: 6 had made it. Day 5: 3 had made it and it was transfer day. They were putting one back in me and freezing the other 2. We were both happy with this as we then knew that we had 3 chances.

When the first embryo was put back in, we started the 2 weeks waiting process. I went back to work as normal and on test date, 2 weeks later, we took the test. Immediately, our hearts were broken. The test was negative. We were so heartbroken and was wondering why it didn’t work. We then waiting a couple of months and went again... 2 weeks after the transfer, we did another test. Once again, this was another negative. I didn’t know if I could go on any more. My heart was torn apart I kept asking myself is it was ever going to work for me. Will I ever become a mum?

Many of our close family and friends around us were getting pregnant (this completely broke me) but, I never showed this. I keep looking strong, on the outside buy feeling so weak on the inside. I was so happy for them, but always thinking, why not me? What have we done to deserve this? Everyone says that out time will come but, will it? That’s all that crossed our minds.

3 months later, we had 1 final embryo left to transfer. This time, I decided I would take the full 2 weeks off work, after transfer to give ourselves the best possible chance of a success. I did this, I didn’t do anything at all, no lifting, no cleaning, nothing. The morning of the test day, I was a ball of nerves, we didn’t want to take the test, my body was shaking but we knew we had to do it. We both convinced ourselves, thinking this time was the one. 3rd time lucky and all that, to look at the results on the test to find once again, another negative.

I had given up, we had no more chances and we knew that we would need to save a lot of money to try again. I questioned myself, could go through all the emotions again?

I sat and had a long think to myself and thought YES, me and Chris do want a baby and we are not about to give up. 3 failed rounds of IVF will not defeat us. We will be parents and we can do this!

So, we have looked into doing another round of IVF (ICSI) and priced up many different options. The round we are looking at is around £16.000, without medications. YES, this is a lot of money but if it works, then it’s definitely more than worth it. 

Me and Chris both sat down together and have been discussing how we are going to come up with this amount of money. One minute, were questioning if we can do it or not, the next, saying we will do what we can and that’s what we have decided to do.

We are hoping to raise as much of the funds as we can, with support from our close family and friends, who have kindly told us to do this. We will be saving our every last penny, each month, to get as much as we can and finally, we will look in to getting a bank loan. This will happen!

I am thinking of doing some fundraising days to help towards it and I was also thinking of setting up a Just Giving page. Anything from as little as £1, will help us and we will be forever grateful to finally become the mummy and daddy that we have always wanted to be. Xx