Meet the Baileys
My husband, Matt, and I have been together since May 2014, and married since October 2017.  We couldn't be happier with where life has taken us so far, and are eager to see what this next chapter has in store for us as we try to grow our family - we're reaching out to our caring, loving, amazing community to help us realize our dream. 

The Backstory:
Whitney: I'm living a second-chance life. In Fall of 2003, just as I was preparing to start my freshman year of college, I fell extremely ill and was hospitalized for almost a month; long story short - I almost died. Doctors weren't sure what I had, and had diagnosed me with everything from pneumonia to lupus.  They ultimately administered a steroid treatment and gave me 72 hrs to respond to it - that's how grim it got. 

Well, I did respond...in the 71st hr (talk about cutting it close!). And they finally had a diagnosis - Myelofibrosis, a genetic mutation affecting bone marrow and the production of mature red blood cells. While uncommon at any age, this mutation is more common in people in their 60's and 70's (men especially). At the time of my diagnosis, it made me one of FIVE women in the world, in my age bracket. 

While I don't remember too much from that time, I do remember having two burning questions for the doctors if I 'made it out of there':
Q1. Am I going to survive this?  A:Yes
Q2. Is this something that future children could inherit genetically? A: No

I recovered. But now I had to figure out how to live with an invisible illness. I went to college the following year. I moved on, getting stronger every day and figuring out how to live the best second-chance life I could.  In that time, however, there was never any follow-up discussion about family planning and how my condition may affect that being achieved.  I spent almost 15 years with the impression I could get pregnant and have children. WRONG. 

We learned this was not an option for us during a meeting with the high risk OB/GYN in our area. He essentially said, 'I don't normally recommend against pregnancy but in this case, I am strongly recommending you do not get pregnant'.

Learning that that was not going to happen had me devastated. Not only would my pregnancy be high-risk (by default, due to my condition), but we would each have a 50/50 chance of survivability. 

We are fortunate to live in California, which is a very surrogacy-friendly state; this means that we can legally pursue this with peace of mind. However, insurance carriers are not "friendly" when it comes to surrogacy. We tried to seek coverage through our employer-provided coverage with no success. 

Where We are Now:
We have undergone 2 egg retrieval processes - one in Oct 2020 that resulted in one embryo with inconclusive testing, and our most recent one was April 2021 which yielded 0 viable embryos  - through our own means and with the support of our parents. 

Our next retrieval is planned for late July-early August, so we can recover emotionally, physically (me), and financially. These two cycles really cleaned us out, financially. We have the added complication of paying off my student debt right now as well, of which the total amount is almost comparable to the cost of this journey.

So, why are we continuing? 'It just takes one' is certainly true, but it may take more than one embryo transfer for it to be successful. Moreover, we would really like to have a few more viable embryos for 'safe keeping' for a sibling surrogacy in the future. We would LOVE this to be our last retrieval but we're keeping an open mind for a possible fourth, if necessary.

Our Costs:

Medical
- IVF meds for egg retrieval: $2,500-$5,500
- Retrieval process (room expenses, anesthesia, etc.): $13,000
**This is the cost for each retrieval process**
Total cost range per retrieval: $15,500-$18,500

- Transfer fees (per cycle): approx. $500-$1,500 (once we have enough embryos)

Legal Fees (broken down into 2 phases)
- Contract: $3000-$5,000
- Establishing Parentage: $3,000-$5,000
-Additional costs/fees (filing, admin, court, postage, etc.): $1,000-$2,500
Total cost range for legal fees: $7000-$12,500

Total cost range: $24,000-$29,000

**We're pursuing an altruistic surrogacy, so we were mistaken regarding the inclusion of compensation costs (learning as we go here; apologies for the misleading information!)**

Meet Our Surrogate


We are blessed to have wonderful friends who approached us about our surrogacy plans and generously offered to be our surrogate - Shira and her husband, Chris.  Their offer to help us grow our family is beautiful, and is an immense honor to be given - they believe in us as parents! We've become close friends over the past four years, and their support throughout our journey thus far has been immeasurable. 

The 'So What?'

Matt and I agreed that it was important to us to share our surrogacy experience, and be open about the ups and downs and what it entails with our friends and family, especially since there are not enough conversations as it is about fertility, conception, miscarriage, and other outcomes of trying to have a family in our society. There should be no mystery or 'hush-hush' about these experiences - they are valuable, they matter. Childbirth is a miracle, because so many things can go sideways. 

It's painful and difficult to talk about, honestly, but we do anyway. And in so doing, we find ourselves dumbfounded when our friends ask or offer their help and support, and have nothing to suggest in return. A few friends encouraged us to do a GoFundMe as a way to enable support from our community. 

So here we are, however awkward and reluctant, months later because we've been extremely conflicted about asking for help in this way. 

I can't speak for Matt, but this 'ask' is my lesson in humility and vulnerability - I have shared more about myself here than I ever have before. I am 100% out of my comfort zone. To have our community of support help us start our family is overwhelming to comprehend--there are no words that could justly express our gratitude and love. It means you believe in us enough to be parents, which is huge for me. The responsibility simultaneously terrifies and excites me-it's a formidable yet rewarding challenge Matt and I are ready to take on. 

Thank you all! xoxox

~Whitney & Matt



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Song & Music Credit to our friend, Spencer Vincent
Song Title: Crescendo of Fate
Visit Spencer's Youtube Channel