Surrogacy after cancer

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

The last couple years have been physically and emotionally draining. Many know my story. Only some know the full story. For those who arent familiar with it, I’ll do a semi-quick recap. 

Almost two years ago, my world changed. Almost 730 days, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. My son was only 10 months old at the time, and I was extremely overwhelmed but I couldn’t have been happier. I quickly made an appointment with my OB, who is quite possibly the best doctor I’ve ever had. Unfortunately, at my first appointment she saw a mass on my cervix. We did ultrasounds and biopsies and I waited for what seemed like ages for the results. The news came, news no one wants to hear. “I’m so sorry, but you have cancer.” Me? A young, healthy, 31 year old, pregnant mom with a 10 month old son. There I sat, listening to her tell me I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cervical cancer. You have to be kidding me, right? Does that really happen? Well, it does and it did. So, I met with a great oncologist, which is one doctor you hope to never have to meet with. He got straight to the point. This is what is and these are your options. I barely had time to process the news, and I was being told I had to make a life-altering decision (in the nicest and most sincere way possible). I couldn’t go through the normal testing a non-pregnant woman would. The only true way to stage and see how big the tumor was, was to operate. Without many cases on the books, my doctor had to gather information from a less aggressive form. My cancer was so rare, that this was only the 4th case, in his 25+ years of practice that he’d seen diagnosed during a pregnancy. So, I really only had two options; save my life, or save my unborn child’s life (and possibly endanger or even lose mine). All I could think about was my son. The love of my life. How could I leave him? The thought of him growing up without me is more than I could bear. And how could I leave my husband? How would they do this without me around? Would they be ok? With all of this on my mind , my husband and I had to decide pretty fast and it was the hardest decision we would ever have to make. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. This decision shattered every piece of me because either way we lost. How, as a mother, do you choose between your children? There was no winning. If I didn’t beat cancer, I lost. Even if I beat cancer, I still lost. Ultimately, we chose to save my life, so our son could grow up with his mommy. And as hard and heartbreaking as it was to make that decision, my son has me here and I will be there as he grows up. He won’t have to wonder who I was. 

A couple weeks later, it was time for surgery. Through my own strength and by the grace of God, I endured a four hour, life changing surgery to remove the tumor, lymph nodes, and lots of tissue. I not only lost our unborn child, but also lost my ability to carry another child. Luckily, I didn’t need chemo or radiation, but my cancer was gone. My oncologist removed it all. I would have never made it through without the people around me. My recovery was extremely hard. From being in the hospital on my son’s 1st birthday, to infections, it really  knocked me down. That being said, I had the best team of doctors and an amazing support system to keep me going. It’s a shame that not all women are this lucky. If lucky is even a word to describe it. 


This August, I will be two years cancer free. The last two years have brought lots of tears and sadness but also lots of love and support. Having a hysterectomy at such a young age has been emotionally exhausting. It’s something you never think about when you’re starting a family. It’s not just losing some organs. It’s losing yourself and it’s losing a part of you that no woman of childbearing age would ever want to lose. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured but I’ve come out so much stronger than before. 

So here I am, two years later. I never thought I would be ready, but I am finally emotionally able to begin to fill my heart with trying to give my son a sibling. I will always have a piece missing but being able to give my son a brother or a sister is something that we not only want, but we need. Surrogacy is still an option, albeit an expensive one. While surrogacy may not be successful, adoption and foster care are my other options. My medical expenses alone are outrageous, but surrogacy (as well as adoption) carries a hefty price tag. Asking for help is not something I am good at, ask anyone that knows me. I just don’t do it. I have come to realize that we can’t do this alone. My heart has so much love to give, even more since I was given a second chance at life. There are lots of expenses associated with surrogacy including lawyer fees, doctor fees, egg retrieval and implantation, and helping cover fees for our surrogate. Whether it is prayers, loving support, financial assistance, or maybe you know someone who has thought about surrogacy, we want to thank you for anything you can offer to help us in this next step. 


Much love and gratitude, 

Danielle, Kevin, & Cayden