Hi Friends, I’m helping raise cost of living and healthcare funds for my husband’s half sister, Kim who was in a near fatal car accident over 2 years ago and is thankfully alive but dealing with the daily struggles of a brain injury. After she discovered her birth mother and found us, we all met for the first time in 2016 when she visited us in SC, driving up from FL.

Then we lost touch with her and never knew why. This is our discovery of that why and the trauma and hardships she’s been through, struggling and unsure how to reach out.

She’s been unable to work due to the nature of her injuries, lost her job and was the primary provider for her 2 kids. Kim was an accountant for a government contractor and used to model and act on the side. She’s in the process of applying for disability, but application review can take 6-8 months or more. The lawsuit from the car accident (not her fault) only resulted in a small settlement of $60K, of which 33% went to lawyers and the rest mostly went to medical bills, which the lawyers were obligated to pay before cutting her check. (For example, 1 brain scan / test alone was $13K). She has not planned to sue, but by the time she realized how much money was badly needed, the other driver had already declared bankruptcy .

———————————————-

Read the full story in her own words:

I was only one accident away from literally losing everything I had, including my own sense of self. I invite you to learn a little more about me and my story:

2+ years ago, a car accident that wasn’t even my fault left me with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) with frontal lobe damage, Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS), whiplash, and PTSD, along with many other symptoms/issues too numerous to list here.

I used to be a pro multitasker but now even the smallest tasks can be daunting for me now. Things that used to require zero thought, such as brushing my teeth, washing my face/bathing, making something to eat, etc. can be so overwhelming for me now that I struggle to do them (if at all).

As you might suspect, this has been extremely challenging for me financially — and even more so mentally, emotionally, and even physically. As a result, I now suffer from severe depression and extreme anxiety as well. Yet people assume I’m healthy and ok because I look “normal” to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here’s a few over simplified examples of ways my life has changed:

Prior to my accident, I was fiercely independent and lived a full, multi-faceted life. Although married, I used to also be the head of our household and in addition to being a mom of two awesome kids, I was also caregiver for my mom with dementia, and worked full time as a financial/data analyst and project manager for the DoD - I held a secret clearance and even worked on presidential budget submissions!

I was a nerd that loved math and spreadsheets and creating databases. I even used to tutor Algebra when I was younger and scored 100% on the math portion of the college entrance exams. Now I struggle to do even the most basic math.

I used to be an avid reader. Now it’s a struggle to read a paragraph or fill out basic forms (even the generic ones at the drs).

People used to pay me to model for them based on my appearance (I’m adopted but thank my beautiful birth mom, Susan, for that). Now I struggle to even wash my face or brush my teeth. I rarely put on makeup or wear something other than pajamas.

I loved acting, which required line memorization, and was even a member of SAG-AFTRA. Now I can’t even remember some things literally seconds later.

I used to love to drive, often taking road trips and traveling by myself all over the country. Now I have PTSD, extreme anxiety and panic attacks even being a passenger in a car. I can’t even look out the window at times because certain movements make me nauseous and dizzy.

In my younger years I used to work retail - and loved it! Now even going into a store can be debilitating for me. Now I have photophobia and hyperacusis so lights (sunlight or artificial and even headlights) and noises can be crippling for me at times. I also have tinnitus. The kind of ringing in my ears that is at times a constant 24/7 ringing in both my ears - that can be absolutely crippling. I can no longer listen to more than one thing at a time. (This may not seem like a big deal until you become aware of how many times someone talks to you while there’s other sounds going - whether it’s in a public place with others also talking, music or tv playing, etc.)

There’s so much more…. I could write pages on my symptoms and how it’s affecting me.

At present, I’m unable to work at all. I’ve lost all sources of income and am having to fight for disability- which is tangled up in the legal system. I used to own a home, that went into foreclosure. I lost my health insurance and haven’t even been able to afford to see the physicians or get the treatment or medications that I so badly need. I used to be what many people would have called “successful”. Now I sell off my belongings and pieces of my old life in order to make ends meet.

But the absolute worst part is that not only have I lost my sense of self in almost every aspect; but I’ve also lost most of my friends (and even some family) as well. It impacted my marriage and even my ability to care for my kids and mom. To say that this has been life changing feels to be an understatement at this point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was raised not to let others know when I was hurting or needed help. I sucked it up and always had a Plan A, B, all the way to Plan Z. I used to think I was invincible. Now I have a social worker and rely on public assistance, state health insurance, EBT/food stamps and the kindness of others to survive. (No federal assistance yet).

I used to LOVE life. I have always been an optimistic person in general. Now I regularly contemplate if this new life of mine is even worth living.

Yes, I have even considered ending my life several times over the last few years. * But every day I continue to keep fighting. I choose to live. Sometimes even if only so I can be an example of perseverance for my 2 incredible kids - No doubt this has greatly impacted their lives as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This has been an extremely humbling experience to say the least; which is exactly why I decided to finally share my struggle; despite how embarrassed and vulnerable I am. It is my hope that in sharing my story, I can spread awareness on mental health and change the way invisible disabilities, such as mine, are seen.

Hopefully this reaches someone else going through a difficult time that needs to hear it so they can know they are not alone in how they’re feeling or what they’re going through So much is often left unspoken because a person may be to embarrassed, proud, ashamed, don’t want to be a burden, bring others down with us, etc. - or just simply unable to communicate.

My wish is that the next time you see someone that parks in a disabled spot but looks perfectly healthy or you find out a person is on state / federal benefits, is homeless, or in need…. Perhaps think of me and not be so harsh or quick to judge them.

This is not some story I made up. This is my life. It happened to me. And it can just as easily happen to you or someone you love. The reality is, many people today are like me and truly only one bad accident away from their life being turned upside down - esp as cost of living and housing continues to rise. And even if you don’t “see” or know of anything wrong…. Still try to reserve judgement. You never know what a person has gone / is going through. We can all use more kindness and compassion in our lives.

To quote the most non heinous Bill and Ted “be excellent to each another!”

———————————————————-

*I realize this is a very bold, disconcerting, and possibly even scary statement to make, especially publicly. But it’s the truth. It’s my truth. And for those who made it this far and are wondering- I don’t want to ignore you, it’s just been too difficult for me to even communicate most days much less keep in contact, and I sincerely apologize for that Thank you for caring enough to even take the time to read this. With that said however, my apologies in advance for not being able to respond to all the individual comments and messages I receive. Just writing/posting this will probably exhaust me for weeks to come. Thanks for your understanding.

*** and extra thanks to Ashley Bouzios for helping me quilt my thoughts together so I could share my story in this post. I super appreciate it / you!