Support for Cynthia’s Child Custody Legal Fees

Friends and Family,

I’ve started this fundraiser to recover my right to see my son Elijah and to seek shared custody. Although required by our custody agreement, my ex-wife has made it impossible for me to visit in person or even video chat with him. For over a year now, I’ve had zero communication with Elijah who is now 4 years old. I have been advised by counselors and attorneys that the only way for me to recover my right to see my son is to go to court. And it’s a brutal reality that going to court requires money. I don’t have enough funds to fight for the basic rights of seeing my son and I’m worried that I may never see him again.  

Shortly after my ex-wife and I split up 4 years ago, she moved from California, where we were living, to Texas to be near her parents. She was given primary custody and we had reached an agreement with scheduled visits every month, either I went to Texas or she would come to California, so that I could see my son for a few days. This obviously became very costly to me, but it was worth it to see Elijah. At the end of 2019, she told me that she would be moving back to California and I had hoped that I would be able to see Elijah more frequently than three days a month and to add overnight visitations. Up to this point, I hadn’t been able to have overnights with Elijah, even though we had discussed this with our court appointed counselor as an important and natural next step.

When the pandemic started, we put our monthly visits on hold. We both agreed that traveling to see each other could be dangerous. However, I learned that during this time, she moved to Hawaii with our son Elijah without informing me. Our custody agreement, at the time, explicitly stated that I had to be consulted with and agree to Elijah traveling or moving. We had mutually agreed it was unsafe for our son to travel in the midst of a pandemic and yet she moved him to another state without my consent. 

For the first 3 years of his life, Elijah had regular in-person visits with me and the rest of his family on my side. This was part of his normal life. But moving to Hawaii has disrupted his normal life and with every passing day without seeing each other, there is a growing emotional distance with the potential to cause permanent and irreparable psychological  damage.

If I was able to video chat with Elijah regularly, it might put me at some ease but within the last year, and even before the pandemic, my ex has made video chats impossible. Anytime we have a scheduled call, the camera is pointed at a wall, the floor, or in a dark room, and it’s unclear if Elijah is even in the room or can hear me. My ex claims that Elijah isn’t engaged with the video chat or gets upset. But when he’s been in my care, I’ve been able to have many video calls with him and his grandparents and he’s always engaged, active, and communicative. I still make the effort to call during our scheduled times and will play the guitar for him or read him a book, pass the phone to his grandparents, but I’m always talking to an empty screen, never really certain if he knows that I’m there.

A very concerning issue to me is that my ex has gotten involved with a group called Explicit Movement, an organization that promotes gay conversion therapy and “living a straight lifestyle.” My ex has recently remarried to a man who is also involved in this group. They’ve spoken at many conferences together and in their public speaking engagements have misrepresented our marriage and our decision to have Elijah together.

Gay conversion therapy is illegal in California as well as 19 other states and I am incredibly concerned that my son is growing up in an environment where he is being indoctrinated with homophobic beliefs and being exposed to an organization that disapproves of me, his mother.

My ex and I are both his mommies and we both love him very much. Right now, Elijah is being exposed to testimonies which are not true and not healthy for him to hear. His exposure to this group can cause psychological harm on his identity and create abandonment and rejection issues. 

My ex and I both decided to have Elijah together. I was present during every aspect of Elijah’s pregnancy. I was there at the IUI process. I was present during the IVF of Elijah’s conception. I went to all his doctor’s appointments and parenting classes. I was in the room when he was born.  

Both sides of the family have been present during every aspect of his life. Before Elijah was born, my ex and I had a baby gender reveal party and a baby shower with all our family and friends. When Elijah was three months old, we had him part of a baby dedication service at church, celebrating his life with both our families involved.

I have never abandoned my son. He has been taken away from me.  

At this point, I don’t even know when I’ll be able to see my son again. This has been devastating to me. But I can only imagine how confused Elijah will be the longer we go with no interaction. In the past, my ex has told me on multiple occasions that she will make sure I never see Elijah again. She is determined to unilaterally decide Elijah’s upbringing and shutting me out of his life.

The only way I can secure my right to see and raise my son is in the courtroom. Donations will be used to fund a one-time trip to Hawaii to see my son and to hire a lawyer to represent me before the court.

Whether it’s $5 or $500, any amount will help me reunite with my son and secure my right to share our lives again.