Support Claire's Dream of Motherhood

Happy Mother's Day 2024!

Hello, I'm Claire and I finally have the courage to pursue my life's greatest dream - to become a mother. I’ve decided to go all in and take a chance at conceiving on my own through fertility treatments. 

This is not the way I pictured it in my childhood dreams, but I am embracing life on life’s terms and I know that this is the beginning of an epic tale that will far surpass my wildest childhood dreams!

Ever since my earliest memories, my favorite playtime game was 'mommy'. I would line up all my little baby dolls on my floor and change their diapers one by one, then give them a bottle one by one, then rock them one by one....On and on it went. As soon as I was old enough to hold real babies, I was infamous for sneaking babies out of their strollers to hold them, waking baby cousins up from their naps so I could play with them and asking if I could start babysitting at age 8.

My mother had died tragically when I was a very young child so I think in some ways, I was trying to mother myself by mothering my babies. Though I didn't yet know the term, I was a Motherless Daughter, and I had a deep yearning to connect with mother energy. I promised myself that one day I would be the mom that I never got to have and that it would make up for the endless pain, grief and longing I experienced as a child.

At age 16, my first real job was as a nanny for three small boys. I absolutely loved it! I went on to become a nanny in graduate school to help finance my education. Once out in the work world, I became involved in the foster care system. First, as a Court Appointed Special Advocate and then as a fully licenced foster parent providing respite care to foster families.

I have always been a mother and dreamed of building my own family. Life had different plans for me that I don't yet understand. It didn't lead to me becoming a young mom as I had always dreamed. As the years ticked by, one birthday after another led to more and more sadness in my heart. The heaviness of the legacy of being a motherless child began to overlap with the equally painful experience of being a childless mother.

Some days the pain was so intense, I could hardly get through the day. The cruel irony of life seemed too much to bear.

In December of 2023 at the age of 46, fresh off of a breakup with a significant romantic partner that I hoped would lead in some magical way to the fulfillment of my lifelong dream, the world became darker than ever. I finally admitted to myself that I would never become a mother in this lifetime. I grieved and wailed and screamed at the Universe. I slept and took bubble baths and cried myself to sleep. I begged and pleaded for acceptance. On the last day of the year, the acceptance came. I wiped my tears and I asked Goddess to place a new dream in my heart and to remove the pain of this unrequited one.

The new year kicked off and I went back to work. New dreams and visions began to percolate at the edge of my mind. The ache in my heart started to subside. The sweet release of acceptance began to seep into my cells.

One night, out of the blue, I woke up and heard "You're not done yet. It's time. There is still a way." Startled, everything came into sharp focus. I knew what the voice meant. There was one last thing I had never had the courage to try - conceiving on my own through the use of an egg donor.

Terrified, I sat up and asked myself "Why shouldn't I do this?" and I couldn't come up with one real reason. I thought of my 80 year old self. When I am 80 and looking back on my life, what will I wonder. Will I wonder why my 46 year old self didn't at least make one phone call about it? Yes, I would absolutely wonder. I knew that I had to give her the gift of just one phone call. What would it hurt to call the clinic?

The famous quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. that I had been reading a lot lately came rushing to my head "We have to have faith that God will make a way when we do not see a way."

I did not see a way. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. I absolutely did not see a way this was possible.

But in that moment, I said to the Universe - I will take the action and trust that you will make a way, even when I do not see one.

So here I am today, opening myself wide to the providence of the Universe.

I am asking for the way when I do not see one.

If you feel inspired by my story, please contribute to see where it goes.

It promises to be a wild ride!

I have fully engaged in the fertility process and the only thing standing between me and taking the next step to create embryos and have one transferred for pregnancy is the finances. $50,000 is required to move forward.

Thank you for considering being a part of Claire's Sacred Journey to Motherhood.