Support Ciara's Journey to Safety

Hi there, I'm Mari and I am writing this GoFundMe on behalf of my partner Ciara, a 27 y.o. disabled trans woman living in Florida. Last year, I moved from Florida to Iowa City for graduate school. Ciara has struggled to find stable employment the past two years following a difficult decision to move back in with non-affirming family. At the present, she is financially dependent on them and has limited access to shared transportation. As of May 2025 she will finish up an AS degree at a local community college, but what happens next is up in the air. Unfortunately, although she is fed and housed, the people she lives with fundamentally do not accept her identity. She is not safe there.

Ciara has been out and on HRT for years, but continues to be deadnamed and misgendered daily. She is verbally abused and insulted for her appearance and demeanor when she presents herself femininely. When I came to visit the home, I was instructed not to name or gender her correctly in front of them out of fear that it would become an argument. She was visibly anxious around them. She has explicitly asked them in the past to be gendered correctly, but because they refuse so vehemently she has simply given up. It was uncomfortable to be cordial with the family after I witnessed their disregard for her firsthand. The use of her male name and pronouns was aggressive in frequency.

When I moved away we decided to keep in touch. Every new instance of abuse I heard about was more sickening than the last and I felt helpless and distraught to be apart from her. I asked her to come visit me in Iowa City, where there is a very vibrant and supportive trans community. When she came to town, I don't know if I ever saw her so amazed and delighted that there were so many trans people out and about. She really had a sort of glow about her.

It was soul-crushing to send her back to Florida after. Things got a little messy with my own living situation here in Iowa and I had to move myself out and into a new place just before Christmas break. I went back to Florida to dogsit for my mom and I asked her to stay with me. I agreed to spend Christmas with her family out of obligation and spent that morning watching her open gifts that were almost exclusively men's clothes. I told her I wouldn't go over there anymore after that.

While she was staying over with me, her mom started to text her and call her several times per day asking when she would come back, that they missed her, etc. They threatened not help her with tuition for her upcoming classes if she didn't make enough money through the delivery gigs using the family car, etc.

When I went back to Iowa things felt even worse. The abuse was apparent and there was very little in my power to do about it, especially as a grad student. Ciara's depression was getting worse and I could hardly bear hearing her weep over the phone after her family insulted her over and over. We started to talk about her moving here or to at least come visit for spring break. I had enough income at the time to afford the plane ticket.

Unfortunately the home I ended up moving to with a male professor revealed its power imbalances, and within two months I feared for my own safety and had to move ASAP as spring break rolled around. Ciara visited anyway and it meant everything to see her again.

I have every reason to believe that Ciara will thrive if she leaves her transphobic family and can live life as her authentic self. Although Iowa is generally not much better off than Florida on the legislature statewise, Iowa City has significantly more support and resources for trans women and is close to a number of major Midwestern cities that are also sanctuaries for trans people.

The trouble is in scrounging up enough funds to be able to leave, cut ties, and land safely on her feet without fear of encountering more instability. She has a safe home here, but with summer approaching my income as a grad student isn't necessarily enough for two people. If nothing else, rent is covered. She will probably need a new phone so that her family cannot track her. Job prospects will look a lot better for her here, but it might take some time to find work while recovering from all of it. I might be able to get her on my health insurance once she is here, but if not it we will need to figure out how to afford medication expenses, etc.

If, ultimately, Iowa winds up being too ambitious a move to make right now, all funds will at the very least go toward at the very getting her out of her immediate housing situation and ideally somewhere safer and more stable, covering rent and medical expenses while she finds work, etc.

Ciara deserves to be safe, happy and confident in who she is and I can't bear being so close and watching her go through this feeling like she has no way out. She needs her community to show up for her and let her believe in a better future. Please help out or share if you can.