STOP Family Violence history repeating for Darling Daughter

Where do I start. This is extremely difficult and not easy to write but here I go. I have personally been a victim of family domestic violence for the past 20 years enduring all the abuse imaginable from physical abuse, psychological abuse, pet abuse, mental abuse, financial abuse and the list goes on. Thrown around the house and against walls, and onto the floor, locked outdoors for hours on end, spat on, objects thrown at me including alcohol bottles, name called every name under the sun, my pet killed to hurt me just to name a few, all this even when I was pregnant.

Within the abuse there has been controlling, domination, lying, coercion, manipulation, blame shifting, humiliation, ridiculing, gaslighting, stonewalling, harassment, threatening, name calling, isolation and bullying.

He slowly eliminated my family and friends from my life one by one which created me to be isolated and all alone from any sort of outside help and support. Just the way he intended for my life, completely reliant on him and all alone from the outside world. I was turned into a yes wife, as long as I said ‘yes’ to absolutely everything he wanted I was safe because he was happy. This was no way to live a happy life especially for my daughter to grow up believing is the truth to be treated by a man. The moment I ever had a opinion of my own and dared to express that opinion is where the abuse heightened to new levels every time, many times involving my daughter just to hurt me even more, this was about hurting me and at the expense of anyone else around including my beautiful innocent daughter.

If I ever dared to attempt to run away for help he would take away all means of communication then manipulate and threaten me so staying quiet is how I stayed, to save my life and my daughters, I would never even dare to tell any close friends or family members..

I tried leaving for many many years but he always managed to get me to come back, using guilt and coercion at its finest against me. After I built up the courage to finally leave the one who was supposed to love, care and protect my baby daughter and I, we fled due to this cruel cruel family violence. We were finally free, or so I thought, how very wrong I was.

Little did I know that the Family Violence would not end there whatsoever but in turn escalate on a totally different level. My worst nightmares coming true before my eyes. I learnt later that this was why most victims either become a statistic against their abusers and never make it out of their clutches alive or never build up the courage to leave a true fully fledged Narcissist.

Fast forwarding after leaving until now my then baby daughter now aged 11 years, we have both continually been victims of family violence due to ongoing litigation abuse, financial abuse and psychological abuse. Now my beautiful daughter falling to the same cruel psychological abuse that I was accustomed to.

My new husband, our family’s and I continually pick up the pieces when she returns from the abuse she endures after visitations with him.

We have been fighting these battles continuously since we left through the court system with countless appearances. The hardest battle is trying to prove the truth to the court system because narcissists are notorious for fooling the courts playing the victim heavily due to their charismatic and charming appearances, so I end up having to try proving my innocence from his continuous backlashes and lies against me, this is an extremely exhausting life battle.

My daughters father seems to be creating awful drama and family violence at every turn just to hurt me from having the courage to leave him. But what he does not realise is he has been hurting his own daughter through the process as she returns in tears on many occasions from the psychological abuse she endures from him. But again I have to send her to him by court order time and time again when she’s calling out just to be heard. Instead, against all my will I have to encourage her to see him every time. She has tried to let us know as she’s growing up in her own ways by hiding before visits and screaming out she doesn’t want to go to him anymore and refusing to leave the couch or bed while curled up in a fetal position. Instead of telling her I will protect her with all my might and tell her she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to, I have to send her to him. It has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure to watch him wrench my baby girl from my arms time and time again while she’s in tears screaming out for me when she was little, she had also ran back to me not wanting to go. I will never forget the look in her eyes as she’s being taken away, I felt completely helpless.

Years have gone by and she is very sadly slowly becoming accustomed to the abuse. The biggest reason I built up all the courage inside of me to finally leave the relationship with her father was to give her a brighter, healthier and happier future, but again he is given soo much control over us and her life through the continuing litigation and the court orders that he fought me tooth and nail for.

My new husband and I are deeply afraid that we could lose our family home we have worked soo hard to have for our family’s stability, giving her a place to always call home no matter what happens in her life. We have already spent soo much time and money fighting these constant battles against him, I have finally built up the courage to ask for help which is something I find very hard to do due to the constant let downs in our lives. We just can’t do this anymore without having to fight for her and what she wants and deserves for her life.

We need the family violence to stop and we are afraid that we won’t be able to fight for her soon and loose her house she calls home. Please help us to curve the cycle of family violence and stand up for her needs and rights as a very new young woman herself. We need her to know it’s not normal and that we can show her how she can finally start to fight her own battles and give her a voice until the very end. I am soo afraid of the possible outcomes for my baby girl.

By contributing what you feel you are able to this cause, no matter how great or small you will be helping our family to survive this ordeal. You will be helping us get out of the massive debt the ex has put our family in, and continuing the battle to fight him to help our daughter not get totally consumed by him. You will be helping us give her a happy life when with us and by hopefully being able to keep our family home she adores, giving her the stability she craves.

Thank-you for taking the time to read a part of our story and God bless.

Josephine