
On the morning of the 27th of May 2021, our dearest father Dr Daud Basharat Akbar Khan left us in the most peaceful of ways. He passed away in his sleep comfortable in his bed, at his home, surrounded by his loved ones. All his children came together and gave him a beautiful send off, at a beautiful outdoor funeral, on a bright sunny day in London on Saturday the 29th of May 2021. 273 of his friends, and family gathered to pray for his soul and burry him to rest in peace. He has left us physically, but his presence will be with us forever.
Daddy truly was the kindest and most loving person to everyone around him. He will be remembered by everyone for being incredibly giving, going above and beyond to help anyone he met. We are forever meeting people who know him and have felt his immense generosity, and have wonderful stories to tell about him. Known for his storytelling and wise little anecdotes, he had a real wisdom for life and shared his love and knowledge to help others.
Family, Food and Fruit - and the laughter and love that was always shared alongside them. This was what was most important to him. Daddy was always the kindest and most giving, generous and knowledgeable man. He was the mango-loving life and soul of every room.
To honour our beloved father Daddy/ Abu, we pledge to build a beautiful orphanage, and plant a mango tree filled courtyard. Daddy made children his priority. Always giving all children his full attention and respect. He was interested and invested in their hopes, aspirations, and dreams. By creating a safe home and school for the Orphans of Pakistan, we will give the children a chance to grow and thrive. In his memory, life will be improved for so many orphaned children.
I write the time leading up to the day my heart skipped a beat, and my dearest Daddy left us, along with the story behind how I decided to build an Orphanage in honour of my amazing Daddy.
Anam x
Receiving the news that he was getting weaker and did not have long:
On the 24th of February 2021 I received an email from my Father’s Doctors, the closing paragraph of the email was as follows:
“I understand how difficult it is when you are so far away, It depends on how long you would be able to stay for? and if you need to quarantine? I don’t think currently we are looking at days/week, but he is deteriorating, and it could be a few weeks to a month – but there is always the risk of something accelerating things. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, “what is important to me?” “how do I want to see my Father?” If that is sitting up in bed or in a chair and able to converse a little bit then now is the time to come home. Or if you want to be with him and your family in his last days of life, when he will not be responsive then a little latter – I am really sorry that I cannot be more specific, but no visit would be wasted and maybe sooner is better when you can converse and remember your father awake and sitting out.”
It was clear that my father was very sick and if I wanted to see him awake and conscious then I should return to London immediately. But would I make it in time? What if I was quarantining in a heathrow hotel for 10 days and I got the news that he had passed. I couldn’t spend 10 days in a hotel by myself whilst all this was all unfolding at home. I began doing some research on what routes I could take - there were no flights from Abu Dhabi to London. How the pandemic had changed our lives - I used to be able tobook a flight the same day and go home to London for just the weekend.
I wrote to MPs, Ambassadors, Royalty, anyone I knew trying to find a way that I could avoid the hotel quarantine.I knew I would not be able to cope being in hotel quarantine.
The response I got from the UK government was:
“We will allow you to leave the hotel quarantine for 12 hours in the case of a funeral.”
Traveling to Lahore, and spending time there to avoid hotel quarantine in London:
I began thinking where I should travel to for 10 days that wasn’t on the red list, before flying to London, the options were limited. I thought let me fly to Lahore Pakistan and stay with one of my father’s best friends and his family. I knew that if I were to get the news of my father passing whilst in Lahore at my uncle Shabbar’s house, I would be surrounded by the family that my father chose for us - They would be able to console me. I honestly believe many of the family friends who I hold so close to my heart are the extended family my father chose for me.
Upon arriving in Lahore on 2nd March 2021, my heart was heavy and cried every day as I thought I would not make it back in time to London to see my father before he passes. I FaceTimed him every hour, FaceTime doesn’t work in Abu Dhabi so this was also a blessing.
I must do something that would make my dad happy and something that would please Allah – I’m not very religious but very spiritual and have faith that if you help those who need it, God will always help you.
It was apparent to me that I must occupy my time with something rather than continuously fearing I wouldn’t make it to London in time. I decided to visit an Orphanage near by which I had previously worked with. I decided to devote all my time in Lahore to brightening up the lives of the Orphans – I did this by taking meals, toys, clothes to the Orphanage every day, spending my time playing games. I devoted my time and efforts into brightening up their days and knew Allah would help me get to London to see my Dad. My Dad was the most generous person I knew, I’ve never known him to say no to anyone. He always taught me that charity and helping others was of the upmost importance.
The Small Steps Big Smiles campaign in Lahore. Daddy’s excitement on the zoom calls with the children.
Growing up I've visited many third world countries. Whenever travelling to poor countries as a child my parents always handed me some cash to hand out to those less fortunate. We always visited poor children and orphanages. We would stop at a toy shop (sometimes a toy stand or cart), and a grocery shop and fill the car with toys, chocolates, sweets and treats for the kids. Giving out the treats to less fortunate filled my heart with so much love and gratitude.
I fell in love with all the children at Mera Ghar Orphange, and launched the Small Steps Big Smiles campaign through my Instagram page. The Small Steps Big Smiles is all about doing several small acts of kindness to spread smiles. The children at the orphanage have nothing and yet their smiles are contagious.
The foremost part of the campaign is about partnering the children with a Sponsor, by becoming a Sponsor you create a personalized gift box for the child.
The second part of the campaign was about hosting iftars at the orphanage. The monetary contributions went towards making Ramadan extra special for the children, with different surprises every day. We did games nights, movie nights, and Eid celebrations at the orphanage.
Whether you sponsor a child with a box or sponsor an iftar you were connected with the Orphans with videos and zoom calls. I want to create a bond between the Sponsors and the children. The aim of the campaign was to give sponsors the opportunity to get to know the children personally.
Daddy pushed through Ramadan, on the first few days of Ramadan he even came downstairs for lunch and the zoom call, and then for iftar in the evenings. He had a new spark, and you wouldn’t have thought he hadn’t been given long. It wasn’t until the day after Eid that he was bed ridden.
Daddy pushed through Ramadan and was only bed ridden the day after Eid. Abi came to visit at Eid, and he was sat in his chair giving us all Eidi, and telling us what to spend our Eidi on. We gave him a lap tray with a picture of him and the grandchildren from Amis birthday. Each afternoon of Ramadan was spent with the whole family along with sponsors joining the children on zoom for iftar. Though Daddy was suffering from dementia he would miraculously remember that I would be talking to the children, and ask when that would be and look forward to it. Though I had been told back in February that my dad didn’t have long to live it was almost like he pushed through Ramadan in order to talk to the children at the orphanage every day, his face would beam with smiles and he would enjoy engaging with the children on zoom. There were a few days that he wouldn’t be well enough to join and the children would ask after him.
My Instagram page @naamk shows many videos of the campaign, from when I first met them, to them receiving their boxes to iftars.
On the 28th April 2021, Daddy’s health deteriorated, and we felt he was getting much weaker. We had been giving him Morphine aurally in liquid form with a syringe. The Doctors said it was time that they fit a Morphine driver. I began reading up on morphine drivers and speaking to everyone I knew in the medical profession, and everyone began preparing me that as soon as the driver was fitted he may go into a deep sleep and not wake up.
Ami’s 70th
Ami was to turn 70 on the 7th May, we decided to do a little birthday lunch for her a week early. I knew my dad would love this. As soon as he knew of the lunch he had a spark of energy. My brother and carer brought him downstairs by carrying him almost and we had the most beautiful afternoon.
Every day after the birthday I spent every moment I could with my dad, trying to continuously talk to him, video him, take pictures of him. I was terrified of the driver being put in. The syringe driver was finally fitted on the morning of the 6th of May 2021. But my Daddy being the amazing man he is, stayed awake, he slept more than usual for sure, but he was awake for another 2 weeks, for one week he was still walking to the bathroom, with us trying to balance the driver around him walking along with his walker. It was a was miracle.
The New Orphanage
Daddy knew he was about to die, and his fear was what will my mum do, what will she do to occupy her time. MyParents loved getting on the zooms and talking to the children. My dad sat there eating his French toast one afternoon, and said “There’s so many children there, how many sleep in each room?” , when I gave him details of how cramped the conditions are for the children at the Orphanage. He said : “Lets build them a beautiful home.” He said that my mum would love building it, he said “she would love that project” He didn’t like calling it an orphanage. He described it as a big home with four floors and a large courtyard in the middle. The courtyard was to be filled with mango trees. He loved mangos. He wanted the ground floor to be communal areas for fun and play, the back section would be a school. The first floor would be the boys accommodation, the second floor the girls accommodation and the top floor would be rooftops with lots of space for playing board games. When I told him I would build it in his name, he said he wanted it to have his full name, so that it would also be in loving memory of his father.
Family, Food and Fruit - and the laughter and love that was always shared alongside them. This was what was most important to him. Daddy was always the kindest and most giving, generous and knowledgeable man. He was the mango-loving life and soul of every room. To honour our beloved father Dr Daud Basharat Akbar Khan, we pledge to build a beautiful orphanage, and plant a mango tree filled courtyard. To give the Orphans a family, to feed them the food my Daddy always loved, and fill the area with delightful fruit and games.
On the 22nd of May he had stopped eating really, I managed to feed him some mashed sweet potato. he was awake and conversating on this afternoon. He was praying a lot. Saying Mashallah, and Alhamdulillah alot, I have some beautiful videos of us all sat in his room on this day.
On the 24th of May, Henna fed him an entire mango, he wouldn’t eat it from the spoon but ate it from her hand.
On the 25th of May, Daddy wasn’t really waking up anymore, would half wake up and say hello, and kiss you and say love you. Mainly only to Aleeza. I was trying to keep his lips hydrated and would put a little mango on his lips. It was also on this day there was a lovely nurse checking Daddy’s driver, her name was Mikhaliee, her hair was beautifully braided, I asked her which hair salon shed gone to, she said she done it herself, and said grab a comb, ill do yours. Moments later she was braiding my hair and we were talking about our travels. We exchanged instagrams and numbers and said wed stay in touch in case she ever came to Dubai.
On the 26th of May, Daddy wasn’t waking up at all, and was clearly in a lot of pain, on this evening I cried more than I’ve ever cried. I felt so hopeless, up until this day I was able to give top ups of morphine aurally. On this day I was trying to put it into his mouth and then blow in his mouth trying to make him swallow. This was the hardest night and morning of my life.
It was now the 27th of May, I hadn’t slept I didn’t want to panic my mum, but I just wanted everyone to come and be with him. From 5am to 8am was the hardest 3 hours of my life. I tried to call the district nurses they said they were changing shifts, and couldn’t come until 7am. It was then I thought let me message Mikhalee, she talked to me stayed on the phone to me, and supported me through the toughest morning of my life. She came to the house soon after. Everyone began to gather and by 10am, my uncle was reading Surah Yaseen, with translation at his bedside, my mum was holding his hand tight, my Aunt was sat right by his side, my sister was helping me keep him comfortable, ayla and Aleeza were adorning him kisses and resting their heads on his chest. Bhaiya was stood in the doorway on the phone to the nurses and doctors when Aleeza murmured “Anam Khala I don’t think hes breathing….” But he just looked like he was sleeping, and just like that he’d left us….
Below is a piece that was written by his beloved granddaughter Aleeza. It was read by his nephew Muzaffar Khan at the funeral. The bond he had with Aleeza was more beautiful than words can explain.
Surely we belong to Allah and to him we shall return.
It doesn’t feel right that we’re together today without you Daddy. I still feel that you’re just waiting for me and Ayla to get back from school in the living room on your big beige armchair.
I want to start by saying thank you Daddy. Thank you for loving us all with everything you had. Thank you for every sacrifice you made for everyone especially both me and Ayla. Thank you for being my Dad, my Grandad, my Daddy, my Nana and my Dr Sahib.
You were the Best Dad, Grandad and Best Friend I could of ever asked for. I promise I’ll become a Dr Sahib one day inshallah.
From teaching us duas in the car to playing/cheating Ludo with the whole family. I took for granted your presence in my life and I still can’t imagine a day without you now. It doesn’t feel real.
There are so many stories I could tell. From the hours in the room we took making silly videos together and ami telling us off because we wouldn’t come down, to teaching me and my sister to read, write and drive on your lap.
We are so lucky to be blessed enough to call you Daddy.
Your smile was infectious. Your heart was pure. Your words were healing. Whoever met you, you touched. They remember your care and love for them no matter who there were. As mama always says Allah doesn’t make men like you anymore. We were lucky enough to be able to spend the best 17 years as your grandchildren and we wouldn’t have had it any other way.
You’ve left us now, with a giant Daddy sized hole in our hearts. We all feel so lost without you. You were our rock. It seems like just yesterday we were tricking mama into buying me and Ayla McDonalds by saying you want it.
Now you’re on your next adventure, without us. It’s time for us to let you go, back to your beloved parents and siblings. It’s our mission as your children and grandchildren to carry on your legacy. I’ll even make sure I’ll change my surname to Khan and become a doctor. We are going to spread the good you taught us and we will keep your smile shinning. One day we can be reunited again and listen to all the new stories you have for us. Until then Daddy. Thank you for loving us, and we’ll forever keep loving you.
You can follow the campaign on my Instagram page @naamk.