Single mum of two with trauma and OCD

Hi everyone/Aslaamu alaikum.

My name is Farkhandah Daar and I'm from Lancashire, England, UK.

I'm a single mother of two children, affected by many years of abuse, trauma and deteriorated mental health, struggling in life right now.

I have an anxiety and thought disorder (mental illness) called OCD and it affects mine and my children's lives massively.

The OCD causes me to have intrusive, disgusting and distressing thoughts all day, which is horrific for me and puts me through extreme anxiety and a living hell.

Due to the immense stress on my brain of having OCD, I usually forget about other things as soon as OCD thoughts occur.

After going through an OCD episode, when I suddenly remember something I was thinking of before having it, I'm shocked that I forgot about that thing and then immediately disgusting thoughts occur. This makes me really angry feeling 'why the hell is my brain doing this?' and knowing I can't do anything to stop it.

If my kids need me for anything but I'm having an OCD episode at the time (5 - 15 times a day) I have to shout at them to 'be quiet' and 'wait' while going through crazy anxiety.

I can't be there for them right away

and this is really upsetting for them as well as myself.

When I have OCD thoughts I must do 'OCD' mental checks before I can move on.

I HAVE to do these to reassure myself I am ok.

These checks last from a minute to 5 - 10 minutes each time I have an OCD thought and this happens up to 200 times a day!

On occasion I can even 'get stuck' in OCD issues more than hour at a time, if my brain starts recounting issues from the past for example - dates and trauma I suffered through that caused me major anxiety at the time.

I can't help my brain going through every little detail of what happened and this is agonising as it makes me feel past anxiety plus current one going over things.

I also fight the battle of being frustrated and irritated that I can't do anything about having this condition and people ignorantly judging me who don't actually have a clue what my condition is and how it affects me. They assume things from what little they know about 'OCD' without knowing there are MANY TYPES of OCD.

The illness is not something that can be cured either since it is a thought disorder and no doctor can access your brain and stop certain, distressing, thoughts occuring.

It is unfair that even in getting the smallest of tasks done, my OCD puts

so many obstacles in the way.

As a mother it's really upsetting the hell it causes for my kids especially.

I see other people going about their day without having any of the problems I have due to having OCD. I wish I could feel what that feels like and not go through the torture and limitations I go through during MY day.

Socialising is very difficult when disturbing thoughts are occuring and causing problems for you all day, every day too.

Each day is a real struggle to get through and being unwell and a single parent without any help, I can't work either.

Currently my 13-year-old daughter is going through trauma of the past from about 4 years ago when she lived with her stepmother and father 5 days a week when I was too ill to have my children full-time.

I got OCD when her father left me and her when she was just 2 weeks old and I didn't even know why !

I couldn't cope and had a mental breakdown and got OCD right then.

OCD usually occurs when someone has had major emotional trauma and their brain can't cope.

Sadly in my case hardships and trauma started when I was just 9 years old and lost my mum. She died of cancer.

My dad remarried the following year and this alongside his insecure 'parenting' being very cruel and abusive, led to further and further difficulties for me.

I didn't manage to escape the abuse of living in his house until I was 27, by which time I had already been married and divorced once, by just age 21, this affecting me quite a lot.

I had only gotten married to be able to move out of his house, but got used by someone for a visa instead.

I didn't get to move out and stayed stuck there miserable and gravely mistreated another six horrific years before I eventually left.

I went to a Muslim women's refuge, was rehoused by the council two months after being there and six months later met my would-be second husband.

Since I was really vulnerable and at such a low point in life when I met this guy, I wasn't able to make decisions with a clear, level head.

It was my second marriage, my marriage to THIS man, that totally destroyed me.

My two kids I have with him also got affected by their parents splitting up when they were just 8 months old and 3 years and 8 months old.

They lived with their dad and a stepmum 5 days a week from October 2019 to March 2022.

I couldn't look after them much at all at the time because of my OCD being so severe.

They went through a lot being treated cruelly and neglected until I got them back full-time.

In 2022 their dad's mother, whose house they were living in at the time, was threatening to throw them out and I had to be there for them even though I wasn't really in a state to be able to look after them.

By the start of February 2023 I got up to 60 per cent better in my OCD but it was so devastating before this that this still meant it affected me massively on a daily basis.

From Feb 2023 until now, July 2025, I have gotten slightly better and would say I'm about 70 per cent better overall.

But still, with such a thing as a thought disorder you can't control, it affects every aspect of your life and makes things very difficult.

The current situation is our house is in disrepair and since I am mentally ill and

also can't work, it is a real struggle.

There are things we really need sorted:

1) When it rains we have some water coming in around our front window of our livingroom. It needs sealing all around it.

2) We have a leaking bathroom sink tap that needs to be sealed up around it.

This drips onto the bathroom floor, causing further problems.

3) Our back gate is broken since a few weeks ago and this is urgent to get fixed or replaced.

4) We have an overgrown bush in our front yard that needs cutting down and pulling out at the roots that we don't have any money to pay someone to do.

5) We have a place in our livingroom where a double door was taken out that never got cemented over and wallpapered or painted there.

We never had money to do this the

past few years.

6) We have no shelves or storage units in our livingroom and things are kept all over the place

7) We have no proper bedroom storage for washed laundry and keep things in bags and can not afford to buy storage units like stacked storage or bedroom storage units that most take for granted.

8) I am writing a book that I just started in July 2025 but need up to £500 to get it published.

Please give what you can to help us get the basic essential things we need sorted.

Sometimes we have to rely on the kindness of strangers. But that's what God made people for, helping each other.

If I hit my initial target of £1000 I will donate £100 to someone in more need than myself and show you receipts.

Overall target is £2000.

Every single donation helps.

Thank you all. Jazak'Allah. May God be pleased with you and reward you for your generosity, Amen, Ameen.