GOAL REACHED, THANK YOU EVERYONE

Hi, My name is Hex Johnson. On October 27th, 2015 I've married the love of my life; we've met each other on Tumblr in 2013, and have been having online relationship till then. I was 24 and he was 26 when we got married in Toronto, ON.

He's from the US, and I'm from Canada. So I was mostly the sole proprietor to help him out to move up here; during the first 2 years of marriage was really stressful to me, because my ex encountered a lot of mishaps such as his job was supposed to transfer him to the Canadian flagship shop with a working permit. But then his work just went radio silence on him, and he just lost his position at that company.

We ask our immigration lawyer to immediately to apply for a work permit, but that took us a while; I just started a new career as a tattooer, so it was difficult for me to take care of both of us along with our pets.

Due to how traumatic for me to be the only person supporting the family while paying off debt for the immigration lawyer, I've developed a stressful respond where I couldn't look at my bank account or anything number related. So I asked my ex if he could take care of our joint bank account, since by that time he finally be able to work.

Being trusting of him due to how intelligent he is with his job and helping others, I thought our finance management is under control while I continue to put small sums of money on my own 2 savings account for future plan.

There were a little things that I would be concerned such as I would get bullied from being with him, or why he is having difficulties to make friends with everyone outside of work. But I brushed it off as he moved to a new country.

I was a unhealed person who got out of a narcissistic abuse relationship along with other traumatic events, which left me paralyzed with trusting anyone in my life, having an unsupportive working environment, and just a whirlwind of self insecurity and projection. In 2018, after a long discussion, we decided to move our home from Toronto to Vancouver to have a calmer and healthier life.

It was a rocky period of me trying to navigate my trauma, but my intention is to work towards of being better self to myself and for my ex.

Between 2021-2022, I finally figured out myself as a person and thrived a big time: I'm transgender. Being on HRT, and having top surgery helped me to expedite my healing on my mental health. But what I wasn't aware of is the upcoming year of nightmare...

Towards the end of 2022, our bank card constantly getting decline; my ex would called up the bank and asked what happened, but he would tell me that it's technical issue on their ends.

We start having little conflicts, as he start being more secretive, and would leave half way when we decided to have one day of the week to spend quality time together. He never put a name on any people he's seeing, or anywhere he is going. What I wasn't aware of is that he was bad mouth his marriage and especially myself to his new friends and colleagues; he also lied that he's finalizing our divorce and it's ready for a new relationship right away.

On February 2023, I've decided to seek couple therapy (we were put on a 3 months wait list) while I was suggesting him seeking an individual therapist. I was put on a 15 weeks intensive Dialectical Behavior Therapy since last year, so I was also working on myself.

Our bank situation turned worst; cards keep getting declined. So I took the matter on my hand and when to the bank to see what was going on; both of my savings account were cleared out, a joint checking account were negative, credit card maxed out. I confronted my ex of what is going on, and he said he didn't do anything (the bank statement did show items that we didn't signed up such as bank insurance). He told me his old colleague's father is a lawyer, so we did called him up and set a consultation appointment. My ex reassured me he will take on this responsibility, and the lawyer accepted the case as he will take the portion of the settlement as payment.

I immediately open my own bank account in another bank institution.

During April I was travelling for almost a month at the east coast for tattooing guest spot, along a great opportunity of giving us space.

What I didn't know is that he was already having an affair with someone at that time; his ex friend introduced her best friend to him in March 2023 at her party.

8 hours after I got back from my month long of work trip, I sat down and touch based with him to see how we feel and what we discovered ourselves; he said "I don't know what's wrong with me, my therapist said we need to get divorce." I've been in therapy since I was young, so immediately I know it's a red flag. Without accusing him, I asked why would a therapist say that and it's unprofessional of them. We struggled a big time and he forcefully ended our relationship, but still would want to be "room mate" and friends.

I told him I would still want us to go to couples therapy, and he agreed, only kept reminding me that he only be doing it as a favor.

Between May till end of July we did ended up at couples therapy; we learned a lot about ourselves and skills of talking healthily with your love ones. He learned that his failed relationships throughout his life was due to his unresolved trauma and introspection. I left our couples therapy counselor as I feel like it would benefit him to continue with her to discovered those unresolved issues. Also he agreed would like to rebuild our relationships again.

In between those period of time, he hid his affair to me and our therapist, along with setting up dating profile on various dating app which later my friends and client mentioned to me. In August he lied about his work trip to Montreal only to spend time with his affair.

Bank collection still constantly calling me, and I would asked about how our settlement was going with the lawyer; I wasn't aware of he was covering his lies upon lies, that he would fabricated stories of how he's escalating the case. He wouldn't give out information of the lawyer for me to speak directly with him.

He also asking for money from me, and his friends in rotations that I wasn't aware of because he would spent it all.

2023 was a struggle between us finances, and relationship wise. With all the lies he had told to everyone, his lies begin to cracked; His affair caught on his fabricated lies since his last visit to Montreal, and I was confronting his continuous secretive behavior and weird possession behavior towards friends (he claimed that he always dislike his partner know his friends, he believe it's controlling to even ask what friends he made or curious of where he's going).

On February 2024, the day after Valentine's Day he broke up with me but would still wanting to live with me until he "figured something out". It affected my mental health a big time, he still treated us as if we're couples but minus the sexual intimacy. I kept calling him out of his action doesn't match his words, but all I got is defensiveness and made me gaslit myself. What I didn't know is that the affair person broke up with him the day before Valentine's Day.

In March I took a plunge of telling him that if he no longer want this marriage he should leave, or stay at his friend's place since he told me he made a lot of friends since he broke up with me. He was confidently said all his friends will back him up; I told him that's great, it was a Monday and I asked if he can leave by Friday. He agreed. The date was creeping in, no one, he broke down in tears and begged that he might found somewhere to sleep on Saturday. I had to be firm and said no, so he made a promise of wanting to rebuild trust with me: He want us to practice open, honest communication, along he would like to make time for us to spend. I told him that's dating, he claimed it's not and just force his way of not being homeless. He also agreed to move out by April.

During that period of time it was traumatic; he would did thing that would heavily triggered my anxiety without reassurance or discussion how to meet me in the middle. He would spend time with people, and even he promised he would check in with me he would still withholding the time to reply as he is "protect his peace and time to have a good time with his friends". His reasoning also would be like "We want us to rebuild trust, right?".

It undo a lot of things I had worked on for years; I had a history of not trusting anyone in my life, and it brought back in a terrible way.

In April he finally moved out; we did see each other once a week still, and the first time he came over and spent time with me. I asked if it's just a friendly hang out or date, he said it's a date. I was surprised, and just took his words. But the week after he wasn't sure about it anymore, so I told him I need a firm answer of whether or not we should continue this "situation". He pushes the talk all the way till the end of the month, and came to the conclusion of "No, I don't want this". There were still a lot of utilities and stuff attached to me, so I was grieving and trying to solve the rest of the stuff out. The same day I received a message from his ex best friend, and she told me everything that had happened last year. I was furious.

I confronted him, and he told me how much he loves me and don't know what happened. We ended up chatting in person the next day to find solution; it was messy than it intended to. But afterwards he went back to not wanting the relationship again, only blaming on his people-pleasing behavior and latching on things due to survival mode.

In July I got a final warning letter for a settlement deal, I asked my ex again to see what's going on, I didn't want to accused of him lying again but it's getting pretty obvious. He finally tell me the truth (half truth (mostly lies), he didn't tell the rest of them about the lawyer wants money up front for the case so it never took off); it's a $12k settlement, and I'm thankful that I reestablished a relationship with my mother which she agreed to help me out, and also would like him to be the person to pay the debt.

I could've been homeless in July, and up till now I feel like he didn't aware of how dire the consequences it was of the lies he told.

On top of the $12k settlement, I need to continue to pay off the remaining of credit card debt it accumulates; I recently look through years of our credit card statement, and realized how he mishandle money a big time.

He promises he will paid off the debt, but at this point all trust is broken and I would need a legal document to make sure everything is in print.

I've spoken with a lawyer on August 22nd, 2024, she said since I have proof of infidelity and various bank statement/collecting agency letter; the easiest way is to draft out an agreement for him to sign, along with submitting divorce paper. If he's cooperated the cheapest would be $5000, if not it will have to escalated the case and possibly to the court.

I'm currently living on my own (I've been living in this apartment since 2018, the rent is the cheapest in the city at the moment, so I have no intention to move), just started a part-time job, still working as a tattooer, while I'm doing further education to have a more stable income. I would like to detached from this nightmare I've live in for once; as long as we're still legally bind, his action and being still part of my responsibility.

Any extra money will be donated towards 2 charities:

I know it's a large sum of amount, and donation would be greatly appreciated. I need to move on, and finally healed. Also I'm glad my new job offers free counselling which I'm very excited about. Thank you for reading my story.