I don’t know how to say this but I need help.

Hello,

First off I want to thank you for taking time to read this. I’m not sure how to write this to be quite honest, as this is such a vulnerable lifelong wound. So I will wade through my pain and do my best. I unfortunately need to do my best to remain anonymous. I fear for my safety. I fear of retribution. Thank you for understanding.

I am a young femme queer black activist attemp ting to permanently flee an abusive situation that has stretched over the course of my life.

I have constantly been in a state of motion never having enough time to get my feet beneath me in a place of safety. This is my second attempt to leave my abuse. After initially leaving home at 17 with $0, I have constantly been struggling. I’ve been deprived of my childhood, the wonders of adolescents and early adulthood. I am constantly in fight or flight mode doing my best to survive. It is my dream to have a moment to rest, a moment to take care of myself, the time and recourses to heal from these violent wounds placed on me at the hands of my abusers. A moment to figure out who I am and who I can be. I have so much love and joy inside of me, but I’m weak and don’t have the resources  to honour and cultivate the parts of me that have been stifled as a direct result of these unsafe and unstable living conditions.

This $18,000 would change my life forever. This money would give me a chance to give myself the care I never got. I’m crying as I write this. I can only imagine what my life would be like. I want to be able to be my best self, to build a stable foundation that can set the roots for a healthy and safe life on. So that someday I can maybe save up and go to school, so that I can live in a safe home no longer walking on eggshells, so that I can learn what a healthy love looks like, so that I can fully understand that everybody deserves equitable opportunity.

As of July 2020 I have been unjustly fired from my full time job ( my only source of income) for asking for unpaid sick leave. Even though it was already a financially terrifying situation, I decided to take the risk and put my mental health first.

Coupled with helping create solid concrete change through confronting police brutality, systemic racism, and xenophobia through organizing protests in Mohkinstsis I am left drained and scared. It is my goal to change/mend not only this city but our world through mutual aid, accessible education, art, community, and love. I want to be in a place where I can do this to the best of my ability. There is so much hurt in our world, and I know that by coming together and caring for each other when we are able to, we can change this.

My soul is devoted to helping create a better world, in whatever way it manifests. I want to have a full glass, so I can pour into others. I want to heal our communities, I want to be the person I so desperately needed growing up.

Not only will this money provide me with a safety net ensuring I have a safe space to live, it guarantees that I will never have to go back to an unsafe living situation. The funds will be going to items that will directly support my activism work here in our city, such as a laptop and desk. I also will be using these funds to access adequate counselling and therapy etc. There are so many subtle and nuanced ways this money will undeniably change my life, and set me up for a safe and healthy life.

I thank you so humbly, so warmly for meeting me in this place of vulnerability and deep rooted shame. Thank you for taking the time to learn a bit of my story, and I wanted to let you know that anything big or small will undoubtably change my life forever.

Thank you for helping free me.