Sebene's Birthday Fundraiser for Camphill Village

A fundraiser in honor of our mother, Koki Menkir (1938–November 17, 2016)

Hi friends,

I am turning 52 on October 27th!! I want to celebrate by raising money for my sister Finot's community, Camphill Village — an extraordinary place where people of differing abilities live and work together in an integrated community based on the active affirmation of the dignity, spiritual integrity, and valued contribution of each individual.

You can read my newsletter about this campaign HERE and below (through the link, you also can access a pdf of the last chapter from my book "You Belong: A Call for Connection," which features Finot and Camphill). Here are a few pictures from Finot's incredible life at Camphill. Thank you for anything you can offer.

xox

Sebene

From Sebene's Newsletter:

Hi friends,

My birthday is Thursday and I will be 52!

What a miracle to be alive. If you have been around me for a while, you KNOW I mean that in all sincerity. Truly. It is miraculous that I am breathing, walking, thriving. I do not take being well for granted. And I am incredibly appreciative for aging. Thank you for being here as a witness to all of it.

If you would like to send me notes of affection, I am very open to any and all declarations of eternal love this week (also, always ).

In addition to good physical health, I am also emotionally the most well I have ever been… overall. I am also in at least one puddle of tears every. single. day. The two states are not mutually exclusive (and, in fact, the latter facilitates the former). And, seriously, my steady joy and gratitude also seems like a miracle given the run I've had these 18 or so months. I mean, it's not like I want to repeat 2022. Fuck that! I am very much looking forward to this fucking dumpster fire of a year being fucking OVER. And, I am feeling the freest I've ever felt. As in, free to be myself.

For most of my life, I did not feel comfortable celebrating my birthday. My introverted, awkward, not-okay-with-being-me self was conflicted about the attention. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely craved attention (and, let's be honest, still do). But my perpetual feelings of not–belonging could not fully allow the love directed at me by the birthday spotlight. And the day itself has only become more fraught.

On my birthday in 2016, first thing on waking, I called my mom in Addis Ababa — as I always did because it was cheaper for me to call her than the other way around. I was surprised when my cousin Ayu answered my mom's cell phone. From a hospital. My mother had a massive stroke that morning while brushing her teeth. She never recovered and died three weeks later in London. After a few months, I became my sister Finot's guardian.

Many people tell me that their favorite chapter of You Belong is the final one, “Be Yourself” which features Finot. For those of you who have not read it, the full excerpt is here and describes some of our process that year. Finot is intellectually disabled, unable to navigate the world on her own, and had always lived with our mother. She now lives in the Hudson Valley at Camphill Village, a community of people with varying abilities who share life and work. I give a bit of background about her new home in that chapter, but it's extremely difficult to describe. Camphill is an extraordinary place that has to be experienced to be truly understood. But I want to share a little about it, and Finot, with you.

Before I do, let me be transparent. I don't pay anything for Finot to be at Camphill. I do donate money to them, but I could never repay the organization on behalf of Finot or our family. As long as Camphill survives, Finot has a permanent home in a loving, integrated community, on a biodynamic–organic farm, amidst a network of homes and workshops that function as spaces of dignity and meaning for all who live in the Village. Finot has two engaging jobs — in the Candle Shop and Turtle Tree Seed Workshop. She has agency and autonomy to move about freely and engage in activities and relationships that interest her. Everything from her physical health to her verbal skills to her overall confidence have improved in the almost five years she's lived at Camphill. She has taken horseback riding lessons, been part of a drumming class, and received weekly massages for arthritis in her knee. For years, she has been warmly welcomed every Wednesday at the movement/dance class even though she never "moved." I met her dance teacher recently, and she told me that this year, Finot has finally begun to move with the group. Finot is best friends with her housemate Cathy and has deep affection for all in her home, Argo House — including Raphael, the newest member of the household who turns one in November. Finot often tells me, “I love my life.” None of this is anything that my mom could have ever imagined… I wish she could see it. And I believe from her place as an ancestor, she does. ✨✨✨

When I turned fifty in 2020, I wanted to raise funds for Camphill in honor of our mom. But the pandemic was still fresh and I was abroad, without good internet connection. I thought I would delay it for a year, but last year was very, you know, cancer-y, so, again, it did not happen.

This year, to celebrate my 52nd turn around the sun, I am having a birthday fundraiser for Camphill Village – a place of love, connection and belonging!

Friends, I truly love writing this newsletter. Your presence here is gift enough. I mean that. And, if you feel you've received something from my offerings: here, through my meditations, or any of my work in the world, I invite you to support me in this effort. If you are able to donate, I would welcome it as the best birthday blessing of belonging.

My understanding of belonging has been greatly shaped by Finot. I am four years younger than her, but, as a latch-key Gen Xer, I took on the role of her protector from a very early age. I witnessed her being teased, taunted, and even exploited by neighbors and others. But, as a child myself, I was unable to truly defend her or control what was occurring. As an immigrant child in a trauma-filed home, I feared burdening the adults around me with “outside” problems. I have a lot of compassion for young me who felt embarrassment and even shame at having a differently-abled sister (and then felt shame about my shame ). I was a kid given inappropriate responsibility for a special needs sibling. I never felt I belonged to either to the larger society or to our immigrant culture, but I was completely unconscious to how those feelings of not-belonging were complicated and compounded by my relationship to Finot.

And this is all my side of the story. I can't know what it was like for Finot, growing up so different from her family and community — even if I noticed many tiny signs that it impacted her. Finot was especially sensitive to being called “retarded” – a word that even close family members continued to use while remaining unaware and insensitive to her feelings. I saw her cry about it when we were little and when we were not so little. For many years (long into adulthood) whenever we went to a restaurant, Finot would take a menu and pretend to read it. Even as a child, I wondered what motivated that action. Did she want to seem normal? Was she uncomfortable with her difference, or did she long to have the power to identify and choose things for herself? It's true, Finot was very attached to me (and our older brother.) But as I mention in the chapter, when first he and then I (seven years later) moved away, I may have misconstrued her sadness and wish to also “go to college” as a desire to be like us rather than her own longing for independence. What did she imagine for herself? What were her secret aspirations?

Finot loves travel and adventure and she is incredibly courageous. She will ride every roller coaster and thoroughly enjoys new places and people. She's the extrovert of the family. In 2019, a year and a half into living at Camphill, she was invited on an international trip (something that happened regularly before the pandemic). The group of seven traveled to Iceland for two weeks, visiting Solheimar Ecovillage, an intentional community similar to Camphill in the southwestern part of the country. They also visited Reykjavík, enjoyed hot springs, saw majestic waterfalls (see below pic) and went whale watching. After years of receiving presents from my many travels, Finot was very excited to give me a gift from her trip: a beautiful necklace of black stone that I wear often. She continues to buy me gifts with money from her work stipend. I love receiving her presents and love even more her pride and joy in giving them to me.

There are so many moments and stories I could tell you about these years, her life, and how I, myself, have been impacted by knowing the people and place called Camphill Village. Again, it's something I cannot fully describe in words. I hope those of you in the area will visit it someday (the coffee shop has great coffee and amazing cookies baked by the Bakery Worksop!). I can simply say, it has been a daily source of joy and comfort for me, my entire family and everyone who loves Finot to know that she is safe, loved, fulfilled in a place where she can completely be herself. I continue to learn about belonging from Finot, one of my first teachers. And now, from Camphill.

If you can donate money now, thank you. I have set the goal at $25,000. I believe this is doable. NOTE: If we reach this goal quickly, I will raise it. My initial intention two years ago was to raise $50,000 for my 50th. I know times are tough right now. Also, I'm willing to be astounded…(if only half the people who regularly open this email donated $25 each, we'd get to 50K!).

And, there are other ways to support and stay connected to Camphill Village: If you are in the Hudson Valley, you can visit the coffee/gift shop 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Tuesday through Saturday. They sell many beautiful items from the various workshops (including “Finot's” candles and seeds!), including delicious treats. If you're not local, you can purchase items online. I highly recommend their 100% beeswax candles, which burn clean and naturally purify the air). Turtle Tree Seed is an incredible source for open-pollinated, Demeter certified Biodynamic® organic vegetable, flower and herb seeds (and you can read Finot's bio on their Team page). Also, check out if there's a Camphill near you – it's an international movement with communities all over the world.

Thank you again for being here.

With much love and gratitude,

Sebene (and Finot)

p.s. Please feel free to share this email and the GoFund Me Campaign. I will include an update of how much we raised on the next Full Moon.

More information about Camphill Village USA Inc: Camphill Village USA, Inc. is an intentional community shared by individuals with and without developmental differences. On 615 acres of wooded hills, gardens, and pastures in rural upstate New York, adults with special needs and long- and short-term service volunteers live and work together as equals in extended family homes throughout Camphill Village. The founding of Camphill Village in 1961 was part of a transformative movement in the United States to reform how society treats people with special needs.