Gotham City, USA – The Caped Crusader threadbare?!!! Commissioner Gordon has confirmed that after impacting the community as a beacon of hope and help for more than 25 years, Batman (Detective Genaro Ortiz Jr., Newark PD Retired) has a HOLEY SUIT GOTHAM!!!
Sources throughout Gotham—including New York, New Jersey and as far as Pennsylvania – corroborated the tawdry tale of threadless tragedy. Many schools, hospitals, and charities were quick to note Batman’s contributions to communities that are too numerous to list but it is clear to this reporter that, along the way he has:
· Changed the course of lives through anti-bullying, anti-gang, and anti-drug programs in schools and at community events;
· Impressed a generation of parents who seek him out to share the positive effect and excitement with their children;
· Added fun and enthusiasm to law enforcement awareness programs;
· Raised millions of dollars for numerous local charities dedicated to the advocacy of mistreated children, breast cancer, and Juvinile diabeties as well as national charities such as Make-A-Wish, March of Dimes, and Big Brothers Big Sisters of America – to name just a few;
· Transformed pediatric patients in hospitals into super heros rising to the challenge of fighting debilitating conditions and, in the process, granted a terminally ill child’s wish to meet Batman;
· And even inspired others to follow in his very real-life footsteps to fight crime as a police officer.
Whenever and wherever needed, Batman has answered the call for help from thousands of organizations and tens of thousands of individuals through the past quarter century. All the while – in a suit of full body armor and a specially equipped Batmobile – at his own expense.
Sadly, his cape now suffers more rips than The Riddlers first pair of tights. The rubber on his body armor has become so scraped and scuffed that even Poison Ivy called Batman a dull boy. And, noting the holes in Batman’s body armor, the Penguin offered him his umbrella, saying “It’s just too embarrasing having an adversarry with an outfit that fills with water every time it rains.”
While $2,500 for a replacement Batsuit may be a pittance for a pithy Penguin, Batman is bound by budget borders. When asked to comment, The Joker responded “I got nothing. This is no laughing matter.”
Suffering sojourner! Say it aint so for long Gotham!!! After gallons of glue and valices of velcro, it’s time for the concerned citizens of Gotham to join together in a rally of support as benefactors for our beloved bat brother. Won’t you consider helping out the caped crusader . . . before he becomes the capeless crusader?!!!