I wish I didn’t have to wake up tomorrow.

I don’t want to live

I think I’m going to kill myself

I don’t wish for any parent to hear these statements from their child. It’s the hardest thing to hear. My son, Grant, is 19 years old. I (it’s mainly been myself) have tried everything I know to do to help him heal... I’ve used my education and experience as special education teacher who has worked with young adults with emotional disturbance among many other challenges/abilities; coping skills, DBT, CBT, diet, etcetera. He suffers from severe anxiety, depression, autism, eating disorder, and more...

My son has the biggest heart and loves so deeply. When he’s doing well, he will have your stomach in knots with laughter. He’s extremely artistic. His insight on people, humanity, and life is beyond what most ever embark upon. His soul is so beautiful...

But he’s been through so much. We put him into treatment for mental health at 17. It was an incredible experience but the insurance cut his stay short after only five weeks. I pleaded with the insurance company. The treatment center also made their case for him and still denied coverage. He didn’t have the proper support when he came back home, as it was during the beginning of the pandemic. There wasn’t an in-person program for him to participate in. Everything was online and for someone who has autism and all that he was dealing with- it was an inferior fit. I was working from home and helping my daughter attend school online. Things became so severe that I put him in treatment a second time. We had to pay a transport service the first two times because he was unwilling to go. But he gave treatment his all nonetheless. The insurance cut off again- this time at four weeks. I could not help with his mental health at this time and it affected myself and my daughter- but most of all, my sweet little (big) boy. Last year, he made the decision to go to treatment on his own. He really believed that it would be helpful this time and put his hopes into this being the case. The insurance cut off at two weeks this time. The system is so cold-hearted... It’s gotten to the point where unless you have an active plan to take your life, they deem services unnecessary. Despite the fact that this is the third time your child has been in treatment.

He is in so much pain. I’ve never been as worried for his life as I am now. We are speaking with a couple of treatment centers but they require some out-of-pocket costs. In addition, we need to figure out where he will go to get the step-down residential support following treatment. The step down is equally as important as treatment as it’s essential for him to maintain the steps forward he makes during treatment and to continue improving.

My son has fought every day for the last five years. EVERY DAY. Every day he is in immense pain. I can’t imagine feeling like this EVERY day... This has been beyond heartbreaking but I know how I feel pales in comparison to what he feels...

I pray every day for my sweet baby boy to have this pain taken from him... to experience happiness again... to at least know what peace feels like...

I am beyond grateful for any contribution that you are able to make. Please feel free to pass this on to friends and family. God bless you. Thank you...

Julie