Aid Ashley's Family in Their Time of Need

My name is Ashley Merchant. My husband and I met back in 2012, right after he lost his dad. In 2013, we started dating, and he gained two bonus kids, mine from a previous marriage; they were 4 and 1 years old. He was immediately drawn to them as they adored him. He was willing and ready to become the father they never had, all by his own choice. In 2014, he and I welcomed our 3rd baby. We were married in 2015, but not long before we lost another baby due to a miscarriage. In 2016, we had our youngest child and later on faced another miscarriage.

My husband was diagnosed with End-Stage Renal Failure in 2018 and had to undergo dialysis treatments three times a week. Dialysis started taking a significant toll on Jeremy over the years, to the point he was prescribed anxiety and depression medication. We moved to Indiana from Michigan in 2019 so he could be closer to his twin brother, who at the time was going through the same as Jeremy with end-stage renal failure. In September of 2022, we moved down to Alabama, hoping to start a new life in a warmer state, which Jeremy was looking forward to as he suffered from anemia, so he got cold quickly. We were excited to be in a warmer climate, and being that close to the ocean, we had always talked about visiting it because neither of us had seen it in person our entire lives. We continued to work together to do whatever we needed to get him to the point where he would one day be eligible for a transplant. We came back to Michigan on October 02, 2024. Our decision to go back home to Michigan was based on several different factors. We wanted to be closer to friends and family. Our favorite holiday is Christmas, and we have longed to see the snow fall again. We grew up in Michigan, which was always home to us.

We had dreams of one day starting his own business; he would always talk to me about his different ideas and how he would run his business. He wanted to have another baby after he had a transplant, of course. He wanted another girl, but he knew we would have no control over that, and he was okay with that, too. He longed to return to martial arts and teach his boys something he loved dearly. This would explain his excitement when I would sit down and watch some of his favorite martial arts movies, most being a movie called "Pray for Death." He was so excited when I finally found that movie on DVD on Amazon.

During football season, our house was divided; he was a die-hard Green Bay Packers fan, and I was a Detroit Lions fan. Although I may have been a Lions fan only to give him a hard time, possibly because, let's face it, they were not the best at that time. Anytime those two teams would face off against each other, you would hear cheers for "Go Pack Go!" or "Let's Go, Lion's Let's Go!" as I would say, laughing and smiling at him to catch his reaction and he was ok with that because he knew I was playing around. He knew the Packers would stomp the Lions as they always did.

As I could go on and on about my husband and the memories we shared, the laughs we had, and the tears we shed, I must get to the point of this fundraiser. Jeremy was admitted to the hospital on Friday, October 25, 2024, with my husband's permission. I called the ambulance to take him to the hospital because he was dealing with some issues where he couldn't keep his balance, he had missed out on his medication, and he needed to have dialysis. Just like before, when we lived in Indiana, we both thought, okay, they will take him to the hospital, admit him, start doing dialysis, make sure his medication is where it is supposed to be, and also check him out to see as to why he kept falling so frequently. A few hours after he left with the paramedics, I called to check on him and see how he was doing as I was at home with our four kids and had to work the following day. There was no answer, so I figured he must still be doing his dialysis or sleeping. I waited a little longer and tried calling him again, but there was still no answer, so I texted him. I tried calling the hospital, not knowing where he was in the hospital, what floor he was on, or even what room he was in. I kept getting transferred with no answers from anyone. I waited for a bit, and eventually, my phone rang. It showed that it was my husband, so my face lit up. I was excited to talk to him and finally know how he was doing...

As I picked up the phone and answered it, a different voice on the other end was not Jeremys. She said she was from registration and asked if I had spoken to the nurse or doctor. I told her I had not and was trying to talk to my husband to see how he was doing. We discussed the details registration would need, and while speaking to them, another call came in. I answered the call, and it was a nurse. She had told me that my husband tried to do dialysis but was getting very agitated, so they had to take him off and ended up needing to intubate him. I asked if he was awake, and she said no. She said that they would do a CAT scan on him and run some tests and that his doctor would call me to follow up. We ended the call, and I returned to registration to finish up.

At 3 am, I got a call from the doctor asking me some questions about Jeremy, letting me know that the CAT scan they did showed there was swelling on his brain. The results also showed old blood on his brain as well as new blood. He was asleep but not in an induced coma, and he was on oxygen. Not even two hours after that call, I received another call from the doctor and a neurosurgeon. I was told the swelling was worse to the point it had caused my husband's brain to "shift." I was told the outcome was not looking good, and I needed to come to the hospital to see him and bring my kids so they could see their father.

I arrived at the hospital and was told to wait in the waiting room until it was ready for me to go back and see him. The neurosurgeon came out to the waiting room and informed me of Jeremy's condition. He told me that his prognosis was not looking good. After he had discussed with me in detail what was going on with him, he said there was a procedure that could be done. Still, the chance of him waking up and going on to live an everyday life was extremely short, to the point he has seen, but not in patients in Jeremy's situation. He said if Jeremy was to have this surgery, then they would remove part of his skull to relieve some of the pressure on his brain, but that the swelling in his brain had already done damage and the fact that his brain had rotated due to the swelling caused even more damage. He said that if Jeremy did have the surgery, he would never be able to have a kidney transplant, he would likely never wake up, and he would not know who I am or who our kids are; if he did wake up, he would have to have a trach and a feeding tube and he may never walk or be able to move his body. With tears in my eyes, I asked him if I had to make this decision then, and he said no. We were then escorted back to his room, where he lay motionless on his bed, unresponsive. I was in shock, not understanding, and asked myself and anyone else who would listen how it got to this point. He was coherent when he left the house. When he left, he spoke to me, our youngest son, and the paramedics.

How is he all of a sudden like this in just 13 hours? The doctors and nurses kept coming in and out, checking his vitals and testing him to see how our brains react to things. For example, if you put your finger towards your eye, your natural reaction would be to close your eyelids. If you place your toothbrush too far down your throat, your natural response would be to gag or cough. Another one is if you get a sharp poke or pinch on your fingers or feet, your reaction would be to pull away. Jeremy started having reactions to his fingers, toes, and the gag/cough but did not respond to his eyes. During this time, the doctors only gave me two options. One, he could have the surgery as described above and be bedridden with no response to anything and no transplant until his heart finally got weak enough it went out or until his kidneys ultimately failed. OR he can be in the state that he is in, not waking up, no surgery, has a trach and a feeding tube, and his heart would give out, or kidneys would completely stop. They continued to do their tests on him, and he stopped responding to them; he didn't pull back, flinch his eyelids, and had no gag or cough response.

The following day, Sunday, October 27, 2024, Jeremy was not improving. The doctors said they could do a test on him to see if there was any blood going to his brain, but if we did that test and it came back that there was blood going to his brain, then he would need to have dialysis done. However, he would not be able to have his regular dialysis treatment as it would be too strenuous on his body and organs. Jeremy would need to have a 24-hour dialysis treatment done, which would be much more gentle on his body as it does not take nearly the same amount of blood from his body at one time. I was ready and willing to exhaust all options as this was not just my husband lying there; this was my best friend, soulmate, and the father and superhero to our four kids. As they were beginning to have the dialysis start on him, his body instantly responded for the worse. His heart was under more stress. The doctors and neurosurgeons informed us that the swelling had grown. He still was not responding to anything. I knew my husband was not coming back. I knew he was gone. I knew my kids would never see their father again and that the rest of our lives would be forever changed. The doctors told me that the only thing that was keeping my husband's heart beating was the oxygen machine, and that machine was doing all of the breathing for Jeremy. No matter what I tried, we were getting complications or bad news. So, after some time, several tears, mixed emotions, and conflicted feelings, I decided that instead of my husband continuing to wear his heart out, being poked and prodded, which he always hated, especially with dialysis.

I would not let my husband continue being in that state. At 7:23 pm on October 27, 2024, at just 43 years old, half of my heart, my husband, died. So, I am reaching out to any family, friends, loved ones, or anyone who reads this. If you can, please help my kids and me. Due to my husband's passing, I will be out of work for some time, and before Jeremy passed, he was on disability and unable to work. We just spent all the money we had to move back to Michigan from Alabama only 25 days before he passed. I returned to work after being on an unpaid leave of absence on October 15, and then he passed away. Now that this has happened, there is no way I will be able to work through it while grieving, making arrangements, being there for my kids, and dealing with everyday life in a whole different way. I am trying to have a memorial for Jeremy, so any amount donated will go towards the cost of his service, the cost of his cremation, and helping me to provide for my children during this time. They will be celebrating Halloween tomorrow without their dad walking with them up and down the sidewalks. They will have Thanksgiving without hearing their dad yell at the TV because the Lions are losing... We won't be able to have our family tradition like we have done the past 11 years, watching the Maceys Thanksgiving Day Parade and reminiscing about the memories we had watching it growing up. They won't be able to see the look on their dad's face when the first snow comes, and there are so many more memories and things should have been. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to message me on Facebook. I will be swamped trying to get everything in order and situated, so I will try my best to get back to you promptly. Thank you, and God Bless.

p.s. Hug your loved ones because tomorrow is truly not promised...

Here is also a link to my husband's obituary.

https://www.vickersfuneralhomes.com/obituaries/Jeremy-Lee-Merchant?obId=33563023&fbclid=IwY2xjawGPfWRleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHZOZ7B3Ajs-Q4X5e-o8IUtWwt4avl8AQNN4CTcv-o2Gm9BrlW4wITC8xQg_aem_-g4xfGWiSnVK98qZvex83g