UPDATE: Unfortunately, after a round of IVF John suffered the loss of a much desired unborn baby. He needs our support now more than ever. Content warning for infant loss, grief, and medical trauma.

My name is John. I am a single, gay trans man, and I am struggling. 
 
I am currently unemployed after the end of my part-time temp job. My bills from this past year exceeded the money I earned from working. Due to having that part-time job, despite no longer working and those uncovered expenses, I am about to lose my Medicaid coverage. I have preexisting conditions that make high deductible plans unfeasible but the premiums for private plans that might cover what I need are exorbitant. 
 
All of this is in the context of ongoing medical trauma and the loss of my desired unborn baby. I was unable to take photos of my baby, hold my baby, or take my baby’s remains for a memorial service. All I have left of them are a handful of cherished ultrasound images and some medical paperwork. I’ve saved every scrap of it, because this is all I will ever have. I’ve been given referrals for perinatal bereavement therapy, but the sessions are too expensive, and without Medicaid, the entire notion of effective therapy is nothing more than a pipe dream. Online forums aren't a real substitute, and none of them are trans-affirming.
 
I have nightmares every night and have for the better part of two months when everything started to decline. My body has yet to adjust to the loss. 
 
I do not have a partner. I went through every devastating appointment alone. My social support system is very small, although everyone is wonderful, between the pandemic and family logistics, I still find myself often isolated. All of that is magnified now. 
 
I desperately miss my baby. My baby was a hail Mary, the last of my embryos before my donor ran out of stock and I ran through treatment money. I was so elated to have news of the pregnancy, and those first months were calm, even with nausea and other pregnancy symptoms, hormone rushes, intense dysphoria, and frequent, sometimes invasive, medical visits. My baby was subsequently diagnosed in utero with a life-limiting very rare condition (~1 in 4 million/~1 in ten million). Most babies with this condition do not make it to term. I lost the baby three days after the anniversary of my father’s death. 
 
Fatherhood feels unattainable now; everything feels hopeless.
 
The grief is so intense that I can barely get out of bed. In the midst of that, I have to scramble for medical coverage for this coming year. Please help. 


ORIGINAL FUNDRAISING APPEAL:

John is a gay transgender man in his early thirties and he wants to be a dad. He likes children, is thoughtful and attentive to other people’s needs. He is a lawyer and for the last 9 years has given pro-bono name change assistance to the trans community, as well as doing legal work to secure housing and aid for low-income people, as well as criminal defense for indigent populations.  I have seen first hand that he is patient with children struggling and with repetitive tasks inherent in caring with a small child. As I type this he is patiently reading the first three pages of a book to my toddler over and over. 


John knows that parenting is simultaneously under-valued and over-hyped. There is the expectation of parental support but society does nothing to support parents once they have children. Single parents, single mothers, parents of color, queer parents, and parents with disabilities are all punished for having families under our oppressive culture. These punishments and deterrents begin before parenting even begins.

After recent IUI failures John is having to undergo the much more physically and mentally strenuous process of IVF. John is navigating the dysphoria brought on by these treatments and medical professionals who are not trans competent. Because like many trans folks John's primary insurance is Medicaid almost none of this expensive and trying care is covered. The state has no interest in allowing low income queer people to control their reproductive destinies when their choice is to have a child.

Raising a child well - full of love and allowing them to flourish and engage their natural curiosity and doing our best to counter all the toxic messages of society - is a kind of hopeful labor towards a better future. Not everyone wants or needs to do this labor, but when someone volunteers to do this important work it requires community support and love. 

Please join me in being a part of supporting John and other transmen in their reproductive freedom and contribute materially to the creation of a beautiful family.