This is what, depression, schizophrenia, Bi polar, Aspergers, Psychosis, and addiction looks like for us the rest of our family's life. On Monday July 7th, in the afternoon my younger brother Raul Eguia Jr., suffering from all the above mentioned, decided to take his own life.

Except, that, God had other plans for him. Its hard at these times to understand God's reasoning for allowing things like this to happen. The toll this type of incident takes, takes hold of someone's life plans indefinitely. My parents had to endure his mental illness over the past 10 years which progressively got worse. He refused to get medicated. One day, late last year, my brother decided at age 42 to leave home. He thought he could do it on his own. My parents felt it was time to retire and start the last chapter of their lives here in Minnesota to help with their new company only to be given the worst news a parent could ever get not even a full month after their stay. I am angry. I hurt for my parents more than anything.

My father's father had committed suicide the same way 30 years ago. I can't imagine his thoughts. My mother refusing to leave my brothers bed side. As much as I want to be angry AT my brother, the reality sinks in.... it wasn't his fault........ He wasn't being selfish..... he just didn't have the mental capacity to cope with real life on his own. I wanted to reach out to him 5 months ago to talk to him and tell him I love him at a time he could understand or at least hear the words he could comprehend, but I trusted my parents judgment when they said it wasn't the right time. Now, he may never be able to understand me. Although we we all need to readjust our lives, the news and what we need to do to prepare for a long journey ahead will be our burden. We are a humble family, and my parents more than anything are not prideful. I am not afraid to ask for help on their behalf, because they just dont know how. They aren't internet savvy.....and this is the least I can do for them when they dont even ask me to do it. I've never seen my parents cry before....not the way my mother did upon finding out the news 2 days after he was already in the hospital . I've never seen my father cry before or never hugged my father before when he couldn't even get the words out of his mouth. I feel for all the families that have gone through this. You always hear about it and feel bad about it... then one day... God just smacks you upside the head with it. And there it is. The most hopeless helpless feeling you could ever feel. A life change. A sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach where you feel a bottomless pit. You cant eat or sleep...A sibling you wish you could have been given a second chance with at being a better brother. The feeling of "what did I do wrong?" ....."Why is God punishing me?"....."If I had only done this, i would change the course of history... the butterfly effect!!" Its all there. the forever "what could I have done differently" infinity feeling....

I still love my brother. I always will.

Raul Jr. If you ever read this, just know I wanted to tell you 5 months ago that I love you.... but you probably wouldn't have listened. I hope one day you can open both eyes and you understand me when I have a 2nd chance to tell you.

What is my brothers progress? They have taken the breathing machine away, he's breathing on his own. He cannot answer yes or no questions. He can open one eye. Thats all we really know. This will be a long journey. My ask is for my parents. If you know them, you know they are good people. They have helped more people than I ever will be able to, and even stepped in to help with Indian Bike Week 3 years in a row without me ever asking. Many of you met them there.....They are the most selfless people you'll ever meet. And the forgiveness they have given far exceeds anything I ever will be able to do. Our plans are to bring my brother up to Minnesota hopefully in 3 months or more, so that my parents dont have to continue flying back and forth. Obviously it was not an expense they expected. I can only do so much from here. I only ask for $5 of help from any of you reading this. Anything is something.

Please help them out even if you can even if its the bare minimum.

Mom, Dad.. I love you both. Im sorry I can't do more right now.

Arturo Eguia

Ps

If you have family suffering from any of what my brother suffered with. Please reach out to them today and tell them you love them. It might have a positive butterfly effect.

Raul and Angela the day they found out.