Divorce lawyer
I’ve never wanted to do this. I can’t believe I am even doing this. But I am in desperate need of help. My entire world has been turned upside down and then crumbled into sand. I can barely move. I hate doing this alone - I truly don’t have enough support by my side. Between all the betrayal with the people who are supposed to be loyal and between the very broken court system, I don’t see another option in sight. So I’m doing this alone and taking this into my own hands and don’t have another option but to publicly ask for help. I am in no way enjoying asking for this. If you are not able to help in this way, I would love it if you could reach out to me and offer your kind support with your words of validation because honestly any uplifting right now would help wonders with me at any moment.
Here is my story:
This divorce started in March of last year. Without going into huge detail of what’s been going on in the past year and four months, there has been so much turmoil, disrespect and mistakes been made. Divorcing a narcissist is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my entire life. I am still learning how to respond instead of react - and let me tell you right now - it is not easy. I still fall into his traps and games and I still react in ways that aren’t making this better. I still am in therapy and still trying to work on how to respond versus reacting. I know I am better than this I know I am capable of doing better. I also understand I am only human and sometimes when someone does something on purpose to manipulate you into being so angry in order for them to point the finger back at you, it’s seriously the most difficult thing to just walk away and keep your mouth shut. But I swear I’m trying to work on it!!! Anyway, the girls father has been extremely erratic and controlling and MEAN. He doesn’t think what is best for the girls, he only wants to hurt me and do anything in his power to do things in spite instead of what’s right. I can’t control or change a human being like that, people like this don’t have empathy in their heart or rational thoughts in their brain to understand the affect he is doing to the girls. His ego is the only thing he knows how to take care of. In the last year and four months, I have asked for a civil and cohesive co parenting relationship. I have asked him to please stop contacting my family and putting the girls in the middle of my family drama. He goes ahead and confuses the girls by continuing communication with them. I have tried reaching out to my family to ask them to stop and they lied straight to my face and now have ignored all my calls. He knows it’s the one thing I’ve asked him to stop- or at least just redirect any communication they want for the girls to me instead. I’ve tried compromising. Nothing works. He has also charmed others to believe that I am absolutely crazy and that I’m the one who is controlling by getting old friends of mine to believe this ugly divorce is all my fault. He thinks he has done absolutely nothing wrong and making no mistakes. He deems himself as always right. I have apologized for my ill reactions and have admitted my fault in things. Even if I do something right, I still get hate for it from him. This is the toughest situation I’ve ever been in. He has also taken every single penny that is supposed to be split in half - to himself. He does pay child support on time. When it comes to alimony (which I do need because I was a stay at home mom for years and even when I did get a job, he ended up asking me to quit them at the last second so that financially we wouldn’t need to pay for a sitter) he doesn’t want to pay it and says that I am “entitled” for asking for it. He paid alimony for four months after I filed for divorce. Then because of loop holes in the system, he was not court mandated to pay alimony for eight months. His lawyer is a bull dog who enjoys bullying me and finding ways to fuck me over. I do not have a lawyer because I cannot afford one nor do I think going through the courts is what’s best for our children. I figure the two parents should be able to figure things out together and know what’s best for the kids more than strangers in law do. Anyway, when we finally went back to court to finalize things, he fought for alimony to be cut in half and won. He begged me to get on Medicaid health insurance so he wouldn’t have to pay for the girls health insurance. He doesn’t want to pay the kids education in full either. He is even fighting that the sale of the home should be all his. Back in last March when I filed, I had to care for the girls all summer long because I could not find summer childcare as everything was booked full and I could not find a job that started before September. So from the months of April - August, I could barely pay for bills, groceries, etc and was just focusing on taking care of the children during their time of change and making sure they were adjusting well. I was asking him for help with the bills during those months and he wouldn’t help. Now the court says that money will be taken out from my half of the house sale which will leave me nothing. As Cole said, I only deserve a penny. From September to April of this year, I was finally starting to get back on my feet by working 3 jobs. I still didn’t have enough to pay for those old bills from that summer. In April, I had to quit one of my jobs because me and my co workers were not treated well between racial comments, gender equality jokes and everything in between, we all left that job. Even with the other two jobs, I still was having a difficult time making ends meet. After weeks of looking for jobs, I finally found a perfect job for me but it didn’t start until June. For the last two months I had been struggling again. Whenever I asked him for just a little more help, he would go into an uproar of rage and argue with me about any financial help we needed. After begging, he would give me $40 here and there. Fast forward to now, I just started this new job at a very lovely summer camp supervising the counselors which provides me with free meals and free childcare. The hours are brutal, however I get to spend my two hour break in the day with my kids as well as eat all my meals with them. I was just starting to get back onto solid ground with life. Well it has not lasted long. Now everything has gone right back to hell. Once I got the paperwork that he would be granted the majority of the house sale proceeds and that alimony would be decreased and he was only verbally told by the judge to stop communication with my family, I just knew I couldn’t let the divorce end this way and that the girls and I deserved better. So I decided to fight it. He grew very angry and his behavior got worse. I was scared of him. I hated picking the girls up and having them asking me questions as to why daddy was talking to my mom and dad and I wasn’t, I hated hearing them say that they were told not to tell me things, I hated that they started to feel uncomfortable around things and were being affected by issues that had nothing to do with them. Every time I would reach out to him and try to talk through these issues in a mature and calm manner, he wasn’t able to talk or treat me with any respect. I grew tired of it. I would have random outbursts of severe crying and the girls would ask me if I was crying because of what daddy did to me. My heart broke instantly. Never did I ever want them to feel this way. So I asked him if he would want to go to therapy with me so we both can learn how to be better co parents and communicate more effectively. He said no. His refusal was a red flag for me. His behavior and treatment got worse. Then there came a time I had $30 to my name and didn’t want the divorce to end this unfairly. So I filed with the court saying I was in financial emergency and asked the court for mandatory counseling for the both of us. They granted a hearing for July 8th. When I let him know of this, he grew even angrier. On Father’s Day, I was only three days into my new job and was still trying to get the ropes of my work schedule and details and was planning on communicating to him what changes needed to be made in terms of the parenting plan and scheduling. But then I received a text from him stating he let the girls see my parents through FaceTime and that he was no longer going to take the girls from having a full loving family with both sides of grandparents even though while we were married he hated the way they treated me and the kids. I knew this was a ploy to try to get me to react so that he could then get the court to see me as the problem and turn the tables around so I was to look bad. He knew I was not going to be happy. And I sure as hell wasnt! I made the mistake of falling for it. I left work early, went to the house and picked them up asking him what else he was hiding and why he wanted to do this to me and the girls all over again. He called the police on me because I had found the girls original birth certificates and wanted them back and wanted him to prove to me that he would stop contacting my family. The cops showed up and had me take the kids and leave his property. I knew I had made a mistake by falling for his game. He filed a no trespassing order on me. I told him that until he agreed for therapy or could prove that he wouldn’t get the girls involved with my side of the family that he wouldn’t see them. Yes this was bad. I knew in my heart I wouldn’t actually not let him see the girls but for the moment I needed them with me to do any damage control and keep them from seeing this turmoil between him and I. During the week, I was working 7a-8p and he had let me know he couldn’t take the girls on his regularly scheduled Wednesday evening. We had agreed a month or so prior that I could have them during the weekend as it was my dance studios recital (he has even asked me if there are any other weekends I would want to take the kids because his having them every weekend doesn’t give him enough time for his own social life which I understood and so I told him I would be happy to take them on any weekends I wasn’t working or needed to get stuff done. So even though in black and white it says he has them every weekend, we as parents had verbally agreed that some weekends I would take them) I told him he could get them after I took them out to dinner after the recital and to please not contact my family when he had them. He decided to grab his lawyer and go to a whole different courthouse than the one we had been going to for over a year and manipulate this judge to grant him temporary residential custody because I was in “contempt” of giving him his parenting time when in reality we had already discussed this!!! When I received the photo of this paperwork during my dress rehearsal, I knew this had gone too far and was worse than anything this past year had prepared me for. I fell to the floor in disgust and sadness. I couldn’t focus or see straight. He got on his high horse and power trip and wow did things get uglier. A cop came to my house to serve me this paperwork. As soon as I told this officer what was going on, he sat down with my on my porch and didn’t take long for him to realize what was truly going on. He understood that Cole was only trying to get back at me for asking for therapy and needed that control and power over me. He gave me resources to contact, tried to call Cole to talk him down and came back to the house later on to check on me and gave me more advice. I have had to miss work the past couple days to deal with this mess. I am unsure that they will even let me come back to my job position. I have been in complete hysteria not being able to see my kids. Now his lawyer is trying to move the July 8th hearing out to August or September which means I won’t be able to see them for that long. Cole has grown even nastier - I’ve tried talking to him about how this affects the girls and his response is “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BITCH YOU HAVE NO SAY IN ANY OF THIS ANYMORE YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS NOW. YOU CREATED THIS.” I’ve tried contacting his lawyer to explain that him putting the girls into a whole new daycare where they will need to adjust AGAIN to new surroundings is not healthy for them especially when I have free childcare through work and I am able to be with them and they just got adjusted to that!! Why would he need to shell out more money on child care when I get it for free. He complains to the court all the time that he has no money to pay alimony and needs the entire house sale proceeds to go to him and yet he has plenty of money to pay a lawyer? And now the kids new daycare? I know for a fact his parents are paying for everything for him while I sit here struggling all alone without any help. I even think my own parents are giving him money!!!! He had his mom fly up from Florida last night because he says he can’t do this on his own when in reality I know his mom is there to pat him on the back and tell him how proud she is of him for doing this. It makes me sick you guys. I am unable to move my body is in complete shock. I know I haven’t been perfect in this whole situation I know I need to improve in some areas. However what he has become as a person and as a father is way worse and he doesn’t even see what he is doing wrong in any manner. I am in complete desperation here. I am about to bring my case to the Supreme Court of N.H. if this doesn’t get better. Honestly what I need is a lawyer. I can’t do this pro sé anymore. I need legal help to be there for me when I can’t represent myself appropriately. I am asking for any help here so I can obtain legal representation, every cop and every domestic violence advocate I’ve spoken to all say the same thing: LAWYER UP. So here I am trying to find a way for a very good lawyer to get what the girls need and deserve. I can’t tell you how much I hate to have to do this but I also can’t tell you how appreciative I am of your help. I need to get my life with the girls back to being happy and turmoil free. Thank you so very much for taking your time to read this and for any support you can provide. It means the absolute world, I can’t even explain in words how this will affect us greatly. A thank you isn’t enough, a long hug and a face to face meet if possible to show you how much I care for your support is what I’d love to give. And someday my hope is live steady and able to pay back any help provided. I don’t know how else to express my gratitude right now besides showing you how this will gain a more positive life for the Lilly and Harper. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are loved.
PS I wanted to share what one of the last things Lilly said to me before sending them off with Cole:
After getting ready for the recital Lilly saw my outfit and said, “wow mom you look so very nice!”
Me: “thank you love bug, I feel beautiful inside as well.”
Lilly: “you look way more pretty than you ever did when you lived with Daddy. You are so much more beautifuller now that daddy doesn’t live here.”
Me: “wow thank you babe girl, I feel the same way. I feel much stronger.”
Lilly: “yes you are.”
Here is my story:
This divorce started in March of last year. Without going into huge detail of what’s been going on in the past year and four months, there has been so much turmoil, disrespect and mistakes been made. Divorcing a narcissist is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my entire life. I am still learning how to respond instead of react - and let me tell you right now - it is not easy. I still fall into his traps and games and I still react in ways that aren’t making this better. I still am in therapy and still trying to work on how to respond versus reacting. I know I am better than this I know I am capable of doing better. I also understand I am only human and sometimes when someone does something on purpose to manipulate you into being so angry in order for them to point the finger back at you, it’s seriously the most difficult thing to just walk away and keep your mouth shut. But I swear I’m trying to work on it!!! Anyway, the girls father has been extremely erratic and controlling and MEAN. He doesn’t think what is best for the girls, he only wants to hurt me and do anything in his power to do things in spite instead of what’s right. I can’t control or change a human being like that, people like this don’t have empathy in their heart or rational thoughts in their brain to understand the affect he is doing to the girls. His ego is the only thing he knows how to take care of. In the last year and four months, I have asked for a civil and cohesive co parenting relationship. I have asked him to please stop contacting my family and putting the girls in the middle of my family drama. He goes ahead and confuses the girls by continuing communication with them. I have tried reaching out to my family to ask them to stop and they lied straight to my face and now have ignored all my calls. He knows it’s the one thing I’ve asked him to stop- or at least just redirect any communication they want for the girls to me instead. I’ve tried compromising. Nothing works. He has also charmed others to believe that I am absolutely crazy and that I’m the one who is controlling by getting old friends of mine to believe this ugly divorce is all my fault. He thinks he has done absolutely nothing wrong and making no mistakes. He deems himself as always right. I have apologized for my ill reactions and have admitted my fault in things. Even if I do something right, I still get hate for it from him. This is the toughest situation I’ve ever been in. He has also taken every single penny that is supposed to be split in half - to himself. He does pay child support on time. When it comes to alimony (which I do need because I was a stay at home mom for years and even when I did get a job, he ended up asking me to quit them at the last second so that financially we wouldn’t need to pay for a sitter) he doesn’t want to pay it and says that I am “entitled” for asking for it. He paid alimony for four months after I filed for divorce. Then because of loop holes in the system, he was not court mandated to pay alimony for eight months. His lawyer is a bull dog who enjoys bullying me and finding ways to fuck me over. I do not have a lawyer because I cannot afford one nor do I think going through the courts is what’s best for our children. I figure the two parents should be able to figure things out together and know what’s best for the kids more than strangers in law do. Anyway, when we finally went back to court to finalize things, he fought for alimony to be cut in half and won. He begged me to get on Medicaid health insurance so he wouldn’t have to pay for the girls health insurance. He doesn’t want to pay the kids education in full either. He is even fighting that the sale of the home should be all his. Back in last March when I filed, I had to care for the girls all summer long because I could not find summer childcare as everything was booked full and I could not find a job that started before September. So from the months of April - August, I could barely pay for bills, groceries, etc and was just focusing on taking care of the children during their time of change and making sure they were adjusting well. I was asking him for help with the bills during those months and he wouldn’t help. Now the court says that money will be taken out from my half of the house sale which will leave me nothing. As Cole said, I only deserve a penny. From September to April of this year, I was finally starting to get back on my feet by working 3 jobs. I still didn’t have enough to pay for those old bills from that summer. In April, I had to quit one of my jobs because me and my co workers were not treated well between racial comments, gender equality jokes and everything in between, we all left that job. Even with the other two jobs, I still was having a difficult time making ends meet. After weeks of looking for jobs, I finally found a perfect job for me but it didn’t start until June. For the last two months I had been struggling again. Whenever I asked him for just a little more help, he would go into an uproar of rage and argue with me about any financial help we needed. After begging, he would give me $40 here and there. Fast forward to now, I just started this new job at a very lovely summer camp supervising the counselors which provides me with free meals and free childcare. The hours are brutal, however I get to spend my two hour break in the day with my kids as well as eat all my meals with them. I was just starting to get back onto solid ground with life. Well it has not lasted long. Now everything has gone right back to hell. Once I got the paperwork that he would be granted the majority of the house sale proceeds and that alimony would be decreased and he was only verbally told by the judge to stop communication with my family, I just knew I couldn’t let the divorce end this way and that the girls and I deserved better. So I decided to fight it. He grew very angry and his behavior got worse. I was scared of him. I hated picking the girls up and having them asking me questions as to why daddy was talking to my mom and dad and I wasn’t, I hated hearing them say that they were told not to tell me things, I hated that they started to feel uncomfortable around things and were being affected by issues that had nothing to do with them. Every time I would reach out to him and try to talk through these issues in a mature and calm manner, he wasn’t able to talk or treat me with any respect. I grew tired of it. I would have random outbursts of severe crying and the girls would ask me if I was crying because of what daddy did to me. My heart broke instantly. Never did I ever want them to feel this way. So I asked him if he would want to go to therapy with me so we both can learn how to be better co parents and communicate more effectively. He said no. His refusal was a red flag for me. His behavior and treatment got worse. Then there came a time I had $30 to my name and didn’t want the divorce to end this unfairly. So I filed with the court saying I was in financial emergency and asked the court for mandatory counseling for the both of us. They granted a hearing for July 8th. When I let him know of this, he grew even angrier. On Father’s Day, I was only three days into my new job and was still trying to get the ropes of my work schedule and details and was planning on communicating to him what changes needed to be made in terms of the parenting plan and scheduling. But then I received a text from him stating he let the girls see my parents through FaceTime and that he was no longer going to take the girls from having a full loving family with both sides of grandparents even though while we were married he hated the way they treated me and the kids. I knew this was a ploy to try to get me to react so that he could then get the court to see me as the problem and turn the tables around so I was to look bad. He knew I was not going to be happy. And I sure as hell wasnt! I made the mistake of falling for it. I left work early, went to the house and picked them up asking him what else he was hiding and why he wanted to do this to me and the girls all over again. He called the police on me because I had found the girls original birth certificates and wanted them back and wanted him to prove to me that he would stop contacting my family. The cops showed up and had me take the kids and leave his property. I knew I had made a mistake by falling for his game. He filed a no trespassing order on me. I told him that until he agreed for therapy or could prove that he wouldn’t get the girls involved with my side of the family that he wouldn’t see them. Yes this was bad. I knew in my heart I wouldn’t actually not let him see the girls but for the moment I needed them with me to do any damage control and keep them from seeing this turmoil between him and I. During the week, I was working 7a-8p and he had let me know he couldn’t take the girls on his regularly scheduled Wednesday evening. We had agreed a month or so prior that I could have them during the weekend as it was my dance studios recital (he has even asked me if there are any other weekends I would want to take the kids because his having them every weekend doesn’t give him enough time for his own social life which I understood and so I told him I would be happy to take them on any weekends I wasn’t working or needed to get stuff done. So even though in black and white it says he has them every weekend, we as parents had verbally agreed that some weekends I would take them) I told him he could get them after I took them out to dinner after the recital and to please not contact my family when he had them. He decided to grab his lawyer and go to a whole different courthouse than the one we had been going to for over a year and manipulate this judge to grant him temporary residential custody because I was in “contempt” of giving him his parenting time when in reality we had already discussed this!!! When I received the photo of this paperwork during my dress rehearsal, I knew this had gone too far and was worse than anything this past year had prepared me for. I fell to the floor in disgust and sadness. I couldn’t focus or see straight. He got on his high horse and power trip and wow did things get uglier. A cop came to my house to serve me this paperwork. As soon as I told this officer what was going on, he sat down with my on my porch and didn’t take long for him to realize what was truly going on. He understood that Cole was only trying to get back at me for asking for therapy and needed that control and power over me. He gave me resources to contact, tried to call Cole to talk him down and came back to the house later on to check on me and gave me more advice. I have had to miss work the past couple days to deal with this mess. I am unsure that they will even let me come back to my job position. I have been in complete hysteria not being able to see my kids. Now his lawyer is trying to move the July 8th hearing out to August or September which means I won’t be able to see them for that long. Cole has grown even nastier - I’ve tried talking to him about how this affects the girls and his response is “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BITCH YOU HAVE NO SAY IN ANY OF THIS ANYMORE YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS NOW. YOU CREATED THIS.” I’ve tried contacting his lawyer to explain that him putting the girls into a whole new daycare where they will need to adjust AGAIN to new surroundings is not healthy for them especially when I have free childcare through work and I am able to be with them and they just got adjusted to that!! Why would he need to shell out more money on child care when I get it for free. He complains to the court all the time that he has no money to pay alimony and needs the entire house sale proceeds to go to him and yet he has plenty of money to pay a lawyer? And now the kids new daycare? I know for a fact his parents are paying for everything for him while I sit here struggling all alone without any help. I even think my own parents are giving him money!!!! He had his mom fly up from Florida last night because he says he can’t do this on his own when in reality I know his mom is there to pat him on the back and tell him how proud she is of him for doing this. It makes me sick you guys. I am unable to move my body is in complete shock. I know I haven’t been perfect in this whole situation I know I need to improve in some areas. However what he has become as a person and as a father is way worse and he doesn’t even see what he is doing wrong in any manner. I am in complete desperation here. I am about to bring my case to the Supreme Court of N.H. if this doesn’t get better. Honestly what I need is a lawyer. I can’t do this pro sé anymore. I need legal help to be there for me when I can’t represent myself appropriately. I am asking for any help here so I can obtain legal representation, every cop and every domestic violence advocate I’ve spoken to all say the same thing: LAWYER UP. So here I am trying to find a way for a very good lawyer to get what the girls need and deserve. I can’t tell you how much I hate to have to do this but I also can’t tell you how appreciative I am of your help. I need to get my life with the girls back to being happy and turmoil free. Thank you so very much for taking your time to read this and for any support you can provide. It means the absolute world, I can’t even explain in words how this will affect us greatly. A thank you isn’t enough, a long hug and a face to face meet if possible to show you how much I care for your support is what I’d love to give. And someday my hope is live steady and able to pay back any help provided. I don’t know how else to express my gratitude right now besides showing you how this will gain a more positive life for the Lilly and Harper. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are loved.
PS I wanted to share what one of the last things Lilly said to me before sending them off with Cole:
After getting ready for the recital Lilly saw my outfit and said, “wow mom you look so very nice!”
Me: “thank you love bug, I feel beautiful inside as well.”
Lilly: “you look way more pretty than you ever did when you lived with Daddy. You are so much more beautifuller now that daddy doesn’t live here.”
Me: “wow thank you babe girl, I feel the same way. I feel much stronger.”
Lilly: “yes you are.”
Organizer
Jillian Tessar
Organizer
Harrisville, NH