raise funds for proper legal representation

Have you ever put your trust in someone you love, only for them to abuse that trust and your love?

In October 2025 my life changed forever. I finally decided to leave my abusive relationship of 10 years, finding courage to take our two year old twins to seek refuge at a safe space, at close friends', in a different county, 150 miles away. Within a week, my ex ambushed me with mountains of forms to take full custody of our dependant, young children. I still hadn't processed the end of my relationship with the father of my children, and was in shock and overhwlemed.

Despite this I was determined to fight for my children and give them a life where their mother doesn't feel coerced and feels safe. So I fought. Hard. I had to have many difficult conversations with legal aid solicitors before I was emotionally ready. I tried to make it fair, but he fought me every step of the way. All whislt helping my children adjust to the change and keeping up our routines and building new ones. The time I spend with my children brings me so much joy, their giggles are infectious. But the time spent away from them is heartbreaking and soul destroying.

He went back on our 50/50 agreement and refused to return the children to me, causing me to constantly feel like I had to agree with him in order to see my children. Something I was working so hard to overcome after 10 years of putting his needs first.

I put my faith in the legal system, after all they're the experts, right? But I was reliant on the legal aid system for support, which has its limitations. This meant that the solicitor I spoke to wasn't actually able to represent me in court, due to the distance I needed to travel to be in a court closer to him.

I spent the next 6 months in and out of court, travelling down to his county, explaining the situation to yet another legal representative I had only just met, having emotional conversations under a lot of pressure. This was alongside starting my life over again, after 10 years, in a different county and facing my ex every Saturday in our (now court ordered) 50/50 arrangement. I stayed strong to set the best example to my children, that you can't let someone treat you like that, but I was working so hard to hide the conflict from them so they could still have a good relationship with us both.

Due to the distance and restricted funds from legal aid, I never had consistent representation. My barristers were given complex information at short notice and the rapport needed in a case like this was never achieved. So I was, yet again, having emotional conversations about intimate details of my life with total strangers on a time limit.

After a gruelling three day court hearing to prove that my ex partner's behaviour was abusive and I was trying to satisfy his wants and needs over mine, the judge ruled in his favour. I was devastated. I was heartbroken. He determined that because my ex had text messages where I wasn't objecting to his treatment, that he felt it was not abuse.

I put my own feelings aside and made a proposal that meant that the children would still have fair time with their father and his family. Despite me putting forward a fair care plan for the children with myself as the primary parent (as I had been for all of their life up to that point), and him putting forward a controlling and dismissive plan that put himself at the centre, the judge yet again ruled in his favour. His reasoning was that I was not putting the children first. They are the centre of my universe, the reason I get up in the morning.

My Dutch heritage has been ignored (my ex does not speak Dutch and does not seem to be supporting their bilingual development) and I am expected to spend one weekend a month in his county (150 miles away) and one weekend a month in my new county. This does not support a consistent routine and ignores the relationships that they have forged here. We have been bringing the children here since they were born, to build relationships with our friends and their family. We were welcomed into their lives as if we are family, and he has tried to put a wedge between that. They have continued to support me and the twins since leaving him in October last year and helped me get professional emotional support.

I have been devastated by this decision and my children didn't understand that they weren't spending the full week with me. It breaks my heart to hear them asking to come to my house in our video calls and not being able to support them properly through the phone. I have 3 nights a month with them in their own beds, in our new home.

I am asking for funds to support me in finding consistent representation, in order to fight this and appeal to the court to ammend their decision. Any donation, no matter how small, will have a large impact. It can cost £25 for a solicitor to send an e-mail, so please consider helping me in my fight to put this right because a small amount can really help. Even if all you can spare is £1, that will help me fight for my children.