Power of Love for the Cochran Crew
Donation protected
Because My amazing sister in-law could never just come out and ask for help and she's running on short notice with lack of time we're trying to help ! Please take the time to read a little, leave a little and know one day good deeds are returned. Here's her story!
I always dreamt of writing my story, one of loss, hardship and pain, but ending in triumph, healing and happiness. The past few months I felt as though there was finally hope for us, that we would be able to feel peace, safety and security. But, as of last week, the dream I’ve held on to for so long has been ripped out of my sights. I am being faced with having my children be returned to a our volatile and dangerous abuser.
He waited 5 months to do anything, he only attempted to contact us 4 times. He moved his new girlfriend in with him a week after we left (only to abuse her some weeks later). But, last month he decided to go after us, despite never once in the 13 years we have had children together has he participated in caring for them, never once has he taken time to spend with them alone. Having rejected them time and time again, and never once showing them unconditional love or support. But now, as we are finally allowing are selves to heal, he has taken to the highest courts to demand our return to him. He activated Hague Convention Legislation against me for abduction.
Despite there having been some significant advances in the family law courts of countries such as Canada, Australia and the USA that acknowledge the imminent danger women of domestic violence are faced with when fleeing their abuser. The majority of women who flee violence make the decision after years and years of harm and trauma. Fleeing often comes when the woman sees no other option simply to save herself and her children. It is negligent for any court to dismiss the extreme trauma the children face when living in a home with violence. Moreover, I would suggest it would be negligent to think a man capable of violence to his partner, and mother of his children is not capable of harm to the children, if it has not already occurred.
Unfortunately, as I am now faced to confront.
The Hague Convention which sets out the legislation for international cases such as mine does not acknowledge factors leading up the the removal of children to another country. Despite the fact 70% of Hague cases are the result of domestic violence this legislation dismisses domestic violence as an argument. This Hague legislation was drafted in the 1970’s in response to non-primary care givers abducting children after an already lost custody case. The Hague convention makes no mention of domestic violence and takes no action to protect the victims of abuse, thus ruling against the victim. Then sending the victim back into the unprotected environment of their abuser, offering shared custody to the abuser is asking for catastrophic outcomes, almost always resulting in harm to both the mother and children.
I fled Australia 6 months ago with my 3 children, Charlize (13), Nash (10), and Beau (4). I returned to Canada because I felt I had no other option to save my life and protect my children from further harm. It was not an easy decision for me, I spent years creating a life and a home in Australia, but the decision became clear when I truly believed we had no choice. There is no rationalising with a person who has zero capacity to feel empathy or compassion. Further fueled by his temper and drug abuse, Is only putting us in harms way.
For 15 years leading up to our escape I lived a life of severe domestic abuse, the man whom I fell in love with, the father of my children, has physically and verbally abused me on an almost daily basis. It took me years of confusion to realise that I married a man with narcissistic personality disorder, a mental disorder more commonly known as a sociopath. I married a man who picked me, groomed me, and intentionally played a role to trap me and use me for his own sadistic pleasure. I have been punched, slapped, kicked, strangled, spit on, dragged by my hair, and so much more. He has broken my soul and bruised my body. Through out this incidious process he took away my self worth, my confidence, he isolated me, and took away any financial control, leaving me completely dependent upon him.
Through the years of torture I faced walking on egg shells , having to tend to his ever changing needs, put up with his many affairs and his drug abuse, I convinced myself I was still able to protect my children. I tried to anticipate his needs as not to upset him, I took punishments without complaints.
Through the last few years it became increasingly apparent that his abuse did not stop at me, but began to flow over to my children. The ridicule, the verbal abuse soon were targeted at the kids as well, I would jump in to defend my babies, which would only infuriate him, giving him what he considered his right to “punish me”. He had rules I had to obey: I could never go against him, I was never allowed to speak about our relationship, and we had to look good (like the perfect family).
I was fooling myself too when I though the kids didn’t know the severity of the abuse inflicted on me. They heard the slaps, they saw the fear. The older 2 kids began to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, which is when I knew it was time to make a change. I may not have believed I deserved any better, but my kids sure did.
I began to make plans to leave him, I planned to move to another part of Australia. I got a job and went back to school (to get my diploma of nursing). As I began to take these steps the abuse escalated, as he sensed he was loosing control over us. I continued to move forward, he ultimately left us a year before I left, I suppose another tactic to threaten me as he cut us off financially and I was not able to get assistance benefits as he ran his income through my name. I worked hard to support my kids and move on.
Then it happened, my greatest fear, one of my children were nearly killed due to his negligence. The minute I got the phone call telling me to come to the hospital I knew it was his fault. He is reckless, and always considers himself above the law. I was at work, and he took my kids from the babysitter, despite not having my permission. He states he only intended to go to sushi with them, but instead went to a friends place. He took all 3 of my kids in a 2 seater, he then parked the car 200 meters away from the house he went into, he left the kids unattended, and in a running vehicle and never even put on the emergency brake, despite the vehicle being on a hill. My kids tell me they were uncomfortable being left there, and decided to get out of the car, as my daughter was trying to get my (then) 3 year old out of the car he must have knocked the car into reverse, it began to propel out of the parking lot My daughter was hit between the open car door and a street sign, her body was then tossed under the car and one of the tires drove over her pelvis, chest and face. She was airlifted to hospital where she sustained numerous fractures, a punctured lung and substantial bleeding. All and all she was very lucky it could have been so much worse. But I will never forget arriving at the hospital seeing my baby girl with her clothes cut off her, unconscious, intubated and tubes out every part of her. I felt guilt for having her be put in a situation in which she had to care for her baby brother, where her dad did not. Over the weeks following her accident and into her recovery, her dad who initially “appeared” upset soon started making jokes, was furious at me for how I treated him in the hospital. He then forbid us to speak with the police who were investigating. When I brought her home from hospital she was very anxious about the well being of her brothers, about her dad being around, and when he picked up on that the verbal abuse towards her hit an all time high. I felt sick that my kids had suffered so long, I couldn’t believe how I got to that place of such despair. I love my kids with more intensity that I could have even thought was possible, yet I allowed them to be hurt, abandoned, rejected and abused, and I allowed them to grow up watching their dad destroy me. This was my turning point, I had to leave for good, I gave him 1000 chances, I lowered my standards until they hit rock bottom. I let him hurt my kids, and he was on the path to either killing one of them or me.
So, quietly I made the decision to return to Canada, as my kids had many times before expressed their desire to live there (as we spent 3 years there in the past). The kids had friends and family, they had protection and safety.
As of today, I’ll admit it has not been easy coming here, I left behind everything, and I have started our life from scratch with absolutely nothing. The kids are settled in their school, they are involved in numerous extracurricular activities, and They have many friends. I have secured long term employment I love, we finally got a place of our own to live. We have a routine, it’s secure, it’s settled and the kids are flourishing. I did not realise how much they were struggling until I saw them flourish. I’m healing, each day a bit better, but I suppose 15 years of trauma will take some time to recover from.
As I now face the idea of having our new life stripped from us and be sent back into an environment where we have nothing left and I am forced to share custody with him I become paralysed with fear. He is simply doing what he always threatened “making me suffer and making the rest of my life miserable”.
I want to stand up in court on June 24&25th and fight these charges. The Hague Convention has only just acknowledge it is against human rights to send children back into an environment that poses significant risk to their physical and psychological wellbeing. So I need to prove, against a pathological liar who has continuously set me up to fail that I am a victim and my children are victims. He has hurt us so many times before and will continue to do just that.
I have been supporting this case with legal aid and by working 80 hours a week. I am soon to run out of legal aid and can’t continue to work these many hours. Furthermore, the paediatric psychologist reports for my children will cost thousands. I am often a private person who takes great pride in my self sufficiency, but I just can’t fight this fight on my own, I need help. I believe in the depths of my heart it is wrong to send us back there, I feel it’s my duty as a mother to fiercely protect my babies, so I need to stand up to archaic legislation that dismisses the well-being of myself and my kids and fight.
To anyone who is able to help with the cost of our legal battle, I wouldn’t even know how to express my gratitude, it’s the ability to ask for help and feel the support of my community that reminds me how much goodness there is in the world after so many years living with evil.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Sarah
I always dreamt of writing my story, one of loss, hardship and pain, but ending in triumph, healing and happiness. The past few months I felt as though there was finally hope for us, that we would be able to feel peace, safety and security. But, as of last week, the dream I’ve held on to for so long has been ripped out of my sights. I am being faced with having my children be returned to a our volatile and dangerous abuser.
He waited 5 months to do anything, he only attempted to contact us 4 times. He moved his new girlfriend in with him a week after we left (only to abuse her some weeks later). But, last month he decided to go after us, despite never once in the 13 years we have had children together has he participated in caring for them, never once has he taken time to spend with them alone. Having rejected them time and time again, and never once showing them unconditional love or support. But now, as we are finally allowing are selves to heal, he has taken to the highest courts to demand our return to him. He activated Hague Convention Legislation against me for abduction.
Despite there having been some significant advances in the family law courts of countries such as Canada, Australia and the USA that acknowledge the imminent danger women of domestic violence are faced with when fleeing their abuser. The majority of women who flee violence make the decision after years and years of harm and trauma. Fleeing often comes when the woman sees no other option simply to save herself and her children. It is negligent for any court to dismiss the extreme trauma the children face when living in a home with violence. Moreover, I would suggest it would be negligent to think a man capable of violence to his partner, and mother of his children is not capable of harm to the children, if it has not already occurred.
Unfortunately, as I am now faced to confront.
The Hague Convention which sets out the legislation for international cases such as mine does not acknowledge factors leading up the the removal of children to another country. Despite the fact 70% of Hague cases are the result of domestic violence this legislation dismisses domestic violence as an argument. This Hague legislation was drafted in the 1970’s in response to non-primary care givers abducting children after an already lost custody case. The Hague convention makes no mention of domestic violence and takes no action to protect the victims of abuse, thus ruling against the victim. Then sending the victim back into the unprotected environment of their abuser, offering shared custody to the abuser is asking for catastrophic outcomes, almost always resulting in harm to both the mother and children.
I fled Australia 6 months ago with my 3 children, Charlize (13), Nash (10), and Beau (4). I returned to Canada because I felt I had no other option to save my life and protect my children from further harm. It was not an easy decision for me, I spent years creating a life and a home in Australia, but the decision became clear when I truly believed we had no choice. There is no rationalising with a person who has zero capacity to feel empathy or compassion. Further fueled by his temper and drug abuse, Is only putting us in harms way.
For 15 years leading up to our escape I lived a life of severe domestic abuse, the man whom I fell in love with, the father of my children, has physically and verbally abused me on an almost daily basis. It took me years of confusion to realise that I married a man with narcissistic personality disorder, a mental disorder more commonly known as a sociopath. I married a man who picked me, groomed me, and intentionally played a role to trap me and use me for his own sadistic pleasure. I have been punched, slapped, kicked, strangled, spit on, dragged by my hair, and so much more. He has broken my soul and bruised my body. Through out this incidious process he took away my self worth, my confidence, he isolated me, and took away any financial control, leaving me completely dependent upon him.
Through the years of torture I faced walking on egg shells , having to tend to his ever changing needs, put up with his many affairs and his drug abuse, I convinced myself I was still able to protect my children. I tried to anticipate his needs as not to upset him, I took punishments without complaints.
Through the last few years it became increasingly apparent that his abuse did not stop at me, but began to flow over to my children. The ridicule, the verbal abuse soon were targeted at the kids as well, I would jump in to defend my babies, which would only infuriate him, giving him what he considered his right to “punish me”. He had rules I had to obey: I could never go against him, I was never allowed to speak about our relationship, and we had to look good (like the perfect family).
I was fooling myself too when I though the kids didn’t know the severity of the abuse inflicted on me. They heard the slaps, they saw the fear. The older 2 kids began to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, which is when I knew it was time to make a change. I may not have believed I deserved any better, but my kids sure did.
I began to make plans to leave him, I planned to move to another part of Australia. I got a job and went back to school (to get my diploma of nursing). As I began to take these steps the abuse escalated, as he sensed he was loosing control over us. I continued to move forward, he ultimately left us a year before I left, I suppose another tactic to threaten me as he cut us off financially and I was not able to get assistance benefits as he ran his income through my name. I worked hard to support my kids and move on.
Then it happened, my greatest fear, one of my children were nearly killed due to his negligence. The minute I got the phone call telling me to come to the hospital I knew it was his fault. He is reckless, and always considers himself above the law. I was at work, and he took my kids from the babysitter, despite not having my permission. He states he only intended to go to sushi with them, but instead went to a friends place. He took all 3 of my kids in a 2 seater, he then parked the car 200 meters away from the house he went into, he left the kids unattended, and in a running vehicle and never even put on the emergency brake, despite the vehicle being on a hill. My kids tell me they were uncomfortable being left there, and decided to get out of the car, as my daughter was trying to get my (then) 3 year old out of the car he must have knocked the car into reverse, it began to propel out of the parking lot My daughter was hit between the open car door and a street sign, her body was then tossed under the car and one of the tires drove over her pelvis, chest and face. She was airlifted to hospital where she sustained numerous fractures, a punctured lung and substantial bleeding. All and all she was very lucky it could have been so much worse. But I will never forget arriving at the hospital seeing my baby girl with her clothes cut off her, unconscious, intubated and tubes out every part of her. I felt guilt for having her be put in a situation in which she had to care for her baby brother, where her dad did not. Over the weeks following her accident and into her recovery, her dad who initially “appeared” upset soon started making jokes, was furious at me for how I treated him in the hospital. He then forbid us to speak with the police who were investigating. When I brought her home from hospital she was very anxious about the well being of her brothers, about her dad being around, and when he picked up on that the verbal abuse towards her hit an all time high. I felt sick that my kids had suffered so long, I couldn’t believe how I got to that place of such despair. I love my kids with more intensity that I could have even thought was possible, yet I allowed them to be hurt, abandoned, rejected and abused, and I allowed them to grow up watching their dad destroy me. This was my turning point, I had to leave for good, I gave him 1000 chances, I lowered my standards until they hit rock bottom. I let him hurt my kids, and he was on the path to either killing one of them or me.
So, quietly I made the decision to return to Canada, as my kids had many times before expressed their desire to live there (as we spent 3 years there in the past). The kids had friends and family, they had protection and safety.
As of today, I’ll admit it has not been easy coming here, I left behind everything, and I have started our life from scratch with absolutely nothing. The kids are settled in their school, they are involved in numerous extracurricular activities, and They have many friends. I have secured long term employment I love, we finally got a place of our own to live. We have a routine, it’s secure, it’s settled and the kids are flourishing. I did not realise how much they were struggling until I saw them flourish. I’m healing, each day a bit better, but I suppose 15 years of trauma will take some time to recover from.
As I now face the idea of having our new life stripped from us and be sent back into an environment where we have nothing left and I am forced to share custody with him I become paralysed with fear. He is simply doing what he always threatened “making me suffer and making the rest of my life miserable”.
I want to stand up in court on June 24&25th and fight these charges. The Hague Convention has only just acknowledge it is against human rights to send children back into an environment that poses significant risk to their physical and psychological wellbeing. So I need to prove, against a pathological liar who has continuously set me up to fail that I am a victim and my children are victims. He has hurt us so many times before and will continue to do just that.
I have been supporting this case with legal aid and by working 80 hours a week. I am soon to run out of legal aid and can’t continue to work these many hours. Furthermore, the paediatric psychologist reports for my children will cost thousands. I am often a private person who takes great pride in my self sufficiency, but I just can’t fight this fight on my own, I need help. I believe in the depths of my heart it is wrong to send us back there, I feel it’s my duty as a mother to fiercely protect my babies, so I need to stand up to archaic legislation that dismisses the well-being of myself and my kids and fight.
To anyone who is able to help with the cost of our legal battle, I wouldn’t even know how to express my gratitude, it’s the ability to ask for help and feel the support of my community that reminds me how much goodness there is in the world after so many years living with evil.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Sarah
Organizer and beneficiary
Alicia Malone
Organizer
Abbotsford, BC
Sarah Cochran
Beneficiary