Zayden and I will be welcoming baby Oliver into our family of two in May. I will be a single mom for both boys and won't have access to the typical support systems of partner and family in the postpartum period. Because of this, I'm asking for my community's help in raising funds to hire support for us. It'll be absolutely essential to have access to consistently present adults helping me in addition to support from friends. That'll look like: postpartum doula care, housekeeping, nanny/childcare, groceries/meals, people to just be with me at home so I won't be alone for extended periods, etc. I don't have PTO or disability benefits so this fundraiser is also to replace income lost during my maternity leave and to help pay for Zayden to attend a few overnight camps this summer to ease the transition and parenting load of having a newborn and a teenager.

These past eight months during my pregnancy have been the most transformative period of my adult life. I didn't think I could or would ever have another child, and would have never imagined that I would be doing it as a single mom again. Zayden is the human I love the most AND being a single mom is so hard, in many ways. I thought I was exiting the active years of motherhood, and I was at peace and even relieved by that. It felt like I was going to get the adulthood that I never had with Zayden being born when I was 18. And then Oliver came into being inside me. Could I do this? Did I want to? How much would I have to sacrifice of myself to be able to provide, financially and relationally, for two boys, especially at their most pivotal developmental ages? All while actively healing from my own childhood and its very real effects on my nervous system.

Clearly it would take all that I have, and perhaps more than I have. That was the scary part that I struggled with for many many days. Do I actually have what it takes? How could I know that until I tried, really? I've never been at such a place of surrender....but I think that's what love asks of us. To find a way to move beyond our limitiations so that something new becomes possible. Loving Zayden has taught me that. It's made me strong enough to keep showing up day after day through all these years, even when things seemed impossible. I know it's not true of all moms, but for me, I guess it's true that there's nothing stronger than a mother's love for her children.

I've dreamed of the return of community based kinship systems for a long time, having lived without the traditional family structures and seen their limitations, and have worked hard over the past many years to make this a reality. When I was very early in my pregnancy, I had a vision that Oliver had come to bring more love and community into my life and into the world. I brought Zayden into the world completely alone as a very young woman with few resources and raising him has been way more lonely than any momma should have to experience. Thank you for participating in my healing in supporting Oliver and I to have a different origin story full of love and care from many helping hands. It quite literally means the world to me.

I don't know a lot of things about how this is going to work out, but I do know that Oliver is going to be an extraordinary child and that planet Earth is very lucky that he is coming soon!