Dear friends,

I'm trying to find the right words to explain the pain of infertility, but how do I describe the devastation of hoping for that positive result, only to be crushed by grief month after month?

My name is Cynthia Terry. My sweet husband is Zack, and we have an amazing ten-year-old son who has been praying most of his life for a sibling. We feel like we need to help you understand how devastating this battle has been for us, and why we are coming to you for help.

A few words cannot fully capture the depths of our longing, because the longing isn’t logical. It’s confusing. I’m embarrassed to admit how long I have sat in the bathroom, squinting at a pregnancy test, twisting it side to side, holding it up to the light from every angle—desperately trying to convince myself there’s still a chance. And when I finally gave in to defeat, I scraped the negative result off, just so I wouldn’t check again later.

Instead, I imagine the miracle moment in my head—rushing to my husband, showing him the test, watching his face light up. It's like a movie. A dream, where we get to tell our son the news he’s been waiting ten years to hear: “You’re going to be a big brother.” I picture the joy on his face. I imagine his laughter, his excitement.

And then reality crashes down. The scraped-off line didn’t change anything. The answer is still no.

I’ve had to step away from baby showers, from pregnancy announcements, from conversations filled with the miracle I long for. Too many times, I’ve sobbed on the bathroom floor or in my car, hiding my pain from the world. I’ve shouted at God: “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you think I’m good enough to have more kids? Why do you love others more? I would love our babies so much! It’s not like I’m ungrateful for the one I have, I could not possibly love him more! But where are our other miracle children that I know are out there awaiting their turn?”

The envy is heavy. I know it’s wrong. I fight it. But the sting never leaves.

I grieve every month that slips away. I hear my son pray for siblings, and it cuts me deep, like I’m failing him, failing my family because my body is broken. And when he asks, “Why doesn’t God answer our prayers?” All I can do is smile and whisper, “I don’t know. I guess the time just isn’t right.”

I don’t understand why God makes us wait for miracles. I don’t know why hope has to be so painful. But I do know this—my future children are worth grieving for. I miss them every day we’re apart, and I will keep hoping and praying for the day I finally get to hold them in my arms.

-Cynthia

Words of a father,

Hello, I'm Zack. When I learned about our fertility problems, I immediately focused on future medical possibilities to soothe my mind. I thought, When the time is right, we can find treatments that will help our family feel complete.

Cynthia and I have longed for children throughout our entire lives. On top of that, my wonderful step-son sees himself as fully ready to be "the best older brother ever!” to use his own words. So, we found a fertility specialist and started our journey. We began with medications, hormone treatments, examinations, IUI's, and then finally, Cynthia faced a surgery, all in hopes that God would bless us with another baby—my first biological child. However, after paying nearly $5000 out of pocket, we hit a major roadblock that left us completely devastated.

We learned the hard truth that the next round of treatments we needed would cost roughly twenty thousand dollars! We couldn't afford that and our insurance wouldn't cover any of it.

That reality left me doubting.

Maybe people like me are not meant to have children. Is this my fault for letting my chronic pain condition control too much of my life? Am I failing my family? Perhaps if I was stronger, I could have figured out how to manage my pain enough to get a well paying job.

Despite these doubts, and the shame related to my ability to provide, Cynthia and I have been able to come together as a team and establish a worthy home. For years we've consistently found room in our budget and chipped away at the staggering legal costs of over 3 years of litigation in custody court. I know that the two of us can together support more children, in every way that they will need.

We have come so far as a family and we continue to progress which is why are so excited to announce that we are finally within striking distance of covering the costs of IVF,

Though it's scary moving forward with all the unknown factors, we feel it is time to face this challenge, especially since the odds of success goes down as Cynthia gets older,

These years are our best chance for our dream family to become a reality. With some help, we can make this happen.

Please consider being a part of our journey by donating, sharing, and liking. Also, please put our names in temples if you feel it's right. Fasting and prayers are so appreciated.

Your support means the world to us!

With your help, our lives will never be the same—for the better.

Thank you,

Zack Terry