Please help our beautiful family stay afloat!

Our family's life is a wreck on multiple levels. I am asking for charity today, and I am feeing incredibly vulnerable about doing so.

I am supporting A LOT of people and animals on a pathetically tiny shoestring budget. Hay prices have soared through the roof-and geriatric, special needs horses are especially expensive to feed.

A necessary part of our self-rescue plan/getting back on our feet/pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps is going to involve serious downsizing of animals, but responsibly finding homes for all of them has been hard.... I am actively working to get loving forever homes for the animals I have available, but in the meantime it's a bit of a zoo here between horses and dogs....

I'm not really ok with taking the dogs I need to rehome to a shelter or asking a rescue to take them at this point -because those institutions are mostly in situations similar to the one I'm in... they're also overwhelmed with animals needing good homes and they are almost always operating on tiny budgets. I don't want to add to their burden, and I definitely would like to offer these animals a better option than shelter life, if at all possible.)

The last few years have been a major struggle for our family.

Physically, my husband and I are both fighting significant health battles.

That alone is terrifying and overwhelming, and there's still so much more on our plate that must be done, regardless of our physical struggles.

We are financially screwed. Everything we have of value has currently been sold or is pawned with no real chance of getting it out of the pawn shop.... my bank account is maxed out and overdrafted, and I'm feeling pretty hopeless.

I'm reading Dave Ramsey materials. I'm scheduled for an appointment with a financial planner at my bank. I'm reading books about organizing your life, about healing trauma, about raising kids who aren't neurotypical, as a parent who isn't neurotypical. I'm working on budgeting. I'm trying to build enough credit to do some sort of financing/bank loan, but unfortunately my credit is pretty bad and it is not likely to improve enough to help quickly without a pile of money.

Our kids have experienced immense losses and stress over the last few years and supporting them through those things has been a lot. We're all feeling incredibly fragile, and there's no end in sight....

My son's dad died after years of suffering and sickness, and then about a year later his biological dad died as well. He's a trooper but he's struggling.

My stepson's mom is no longer really involved in his life whatsoever, after years of hostility toward our family. It is sad and incredibly stressful as we face the prospect of an imminent, extremely expensive, and exhausting court battle to officially sort things out, and as we work to support our son through his loss.

Everyone's mental health is suffering. Majorly suffering.

My husband has PTSD, and he is currently embarking on an intensive journey of self-help and healing. He will be significantly prioritizing his health needs over the course of the next few months. I am so thankful and proud he is taking that step!

I need to hold our world together during that time, and hopefully find some way to revive the joy in our lives a little along the way. It has been a long time since our family has felt very much joy.... Like so many other people we have been pretty consumed with just trying to survive.

I'm applying for jobs but the truth is none of them will even remotely pay enough to really help when you factor in that I'll be absent from my responsibilities here, and probably paying for child care for 4 kids.

I'd like to build a home-based art business. Doing so honestly feels fairly impossible under these circumstances-but I'm definitely going to keep plugging away at it.

I need thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars.

I'm losing the property I was trying to buy. My vehicle is going to be repossessed. Our power isn't shut off only because it's winter and the power company doesn't shut it off during winter if there are kids in the home. We're buried deep, deep, deep, right now- and it is extremely overwhelming.

This situation feels inescapable. I'm actively spending hours a day working on solving and improving it, but progress is not really happening. It feels like one step forward and four steps back, most days.

I have legitimately even thought of suicide lately.

I can't commit suicide though, because I'm the one holding things together, inasmuch as they are together, for all the others who rely on me. (Plus, I really, really, really like being alive!) I'm not in danger of EVER following through with that thought, but the truth is, I understand the desperation that may drive people to do so.

I'm sad and scared and exhausted but there's nothing to do but keep on keeping on.

I'm praying. I'm counting my blessings. I'm cultivating gratitude, spreading kindness and hope where I can, and working always to help lift others up how I can.

I have wonderful ideas for the future of our society, and dream of developing platforms for helping and healing humanity, via non-profits that do acts of charity, and work to build a more harmonious, more trauma informed, more peaceful future.

I want to develop nursing homes that resemble loving homes more than they resemble jails or hospitals.

I want to network with farmers and ranchers and develop a hay bank for livestock in need in Idaho.

I want to grow a community garden at our home this spring, to help feed locals in need.

I want to do great works. I want to help others.

Today though, the fact is, I totally need a helping hand.

Here are our most pressing needs:

If you can spare ANY amount of money, I would appreciate it so much.

Animal food- If you want to donate dog food, cat food, alfalfa hay (or cubes or pellets), Senior feed for horses, or beet pulp, I would be incredibly grateful.

If you can share this post, that would be wonderful and very much appreciated!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for helping if and how you can.

I know we're all struggling! I'm sending so much love out to you all, and I am so thankful for the love I receive in return!