Dear world, friends, foes, peers, family, everyone out there. Here we go.

The photo you will see is at a place called middle chine, in Bournemouth. It's where I grew up and went to school. On this grass I used to play stick cricket with my sister and father and would always hit the ball way into the bushes and my sister would hate it, begrudgingly getting the ball whilst I racked up the runs. The meaning, it was Christmas a few years back in London, and in was considering what stand to get for the tree. I remembered how we used to come to the beach and fill a bucket with sand to put the tree in. To me that was what I was missing. So I came back.. after causing a world of chaos I might add. More to come on that...

Its December soon and that means Christmas. Supposedly a time of joy and celebration, giving and receiving and sharing love, kindness and compassion for those close and afar who are suffering in whatever way they are. Suffering can manifest in many forms, not always easy to identify. Especially when pride and ego get in the way.

I dont mind sharing this, a few people know that a few years back I was homeless, for a while. Mostly my own doing of course, through your actions things will eventually break down if you dont or cant or aren't ready to change.

This chine was where I slept the first night. It was close to the old house and just felt right. But the comfort of being close to a place you used to call home, but freezing and cold in a bush praying not to wake up is short lived.

Now, yes i was homeless, but was kitted out in £700 shoes and head to to in Vivienne Westwood clothes from the latest catwalk show. Sounds ok, but when the local addicts and less spiritual of folk hear about this, they see $$$ to be made. So I had to hide and change places all the time. Harrowing, but at the same time blaming myself and hating myself so no sympathy. Always prior to this I have helped people, be it financially, practically, emotionally etc, I've learned it's the only way to get out of your own world. That said, in the past I've been no saint, and have often taken more than I've given. So, a local homeless guy called Shaun looked after me and protected me as I had always helped him out. This starts with simple things like even acknowledgment of them as humans. Which a lot of people dont do.

I have always looked after him since and always will do. Paying it forward.

I've been awake most of the night, thinking, doing sums and figuring out the next few months. I was absolutely blown away last night with the kindness some family showed. A lot of my family are dead, and then others cut me off years ago after pissing them off to much. I saw my sister in SFO in 2016 but not since. We spoke during lockdown but it wasnt pleasant. Very much one way traffic.

These cousins came to my house at 11pm of their own free will to drop something off which is a game changer. I havent seen them since my parents died in 2009, so for them to do this was godly or otherworldly if you will. I am humbled and very grateful.

So, my training tells me to pay it forward. This year has been tough in many ways for lots of people, we all have problems etc and they are all relative. But on 2 occasions in the last 8 years, year I've had to raise substantial funds quicker than I could. It was humiliating to ask for help, but some people were absolutely amazing, you know who you are, so wont name names unless you want me too. Some people offered a taxi service, others financial assistance, others legal advice, people can be amazing when they choose to be.

4 years ago, a few people got together and made a plan to scoop me up from under the pier and into a home. I owe them my life, and a lot of other people on the way. You know who you are. I have been consumed by my own life for a long time, and its time to zag. It's now about everyone else. Perhaps that will work.

Shit or chocolate... I heard that years ago. It made sense later on when I was diagnosed as bipolar. So, if life is arbitrarily brown, it's either amazing, or awful. That's kind of a stressful way to live and it's taken me years of hard work, talking, listening and therapy sessions and medication to get to a good place.

Here is why I'm raising funds.

I have met some people recently and am blown away by the struggles they are facing.

Person number one we will call them. I was in a restaurant, and kind of recognised the guy but didnt say anything as was getting a vibe from them. Turns out I used to get them loads of work as a designer back in the day. They were brilliant and always busy, but now not so much. Here's the thing. We wanted to tip on a card, but he said he's been there for 2 years and the place has yet to dish out any of the card tips. Staggering I thought. My associate went to get cash to give as a tip. It all helps, and a little human kindness goes a long way to helping people's self esteem and self worth. He is going to struggle with a newborn this December so I'm going to do what I can, hopefully as a team with your help.

Person number 2.. hasnt worked for 9 weeks really in their usual job, so they applied for universal credit. The system if you will. They were told that no money will come for 7 weeks. Meaning they missed rent for over a month and they are now going to get £316 to cover everything for a month in December. So I'm going to help them out. For now, this is getting legal advice and acting as a go between with the council. Forgive me but that isnt the system working. It's the DWP hiding behind algorithms that decide human fate. Which is awful.

Person number 3 has been on a zero hours contract at work for 2 years, never knowing whether she can survive the month. This is soul destroying for all concerned. She hasn't had any luxuries for ages. So want to help her and her son out.

Person number 4. Was offered some freelance work which sounded too good to be true. Turns out it was, the client decided to tell him that in fact he had done too much work and he wasnt going to pay. This guy had made promises to pay his phone bill and rent based on funds coming in. Obviously didn't work out so he is screwed.

The reason for this... recently I was scammed online, it was genius, amazing how clever these people are, trying to pay me in dollars and then crypto etc. But the miracle here is that it turns out I got some bitcoin many years ago, and through this scam I had to dig deep with old emails and password etc but potentially a good thing has come of it. Again, this means making good on the past so I will deal with those people personally.

I want to make a difference this year, because last year was not pleasant at all, and I would like to try and prevent the heartbreak of rejection for some other people. With your help and a substantial contribution from me. Homelessness in Bournemouth is rife. If I get some tobacco, and walk from one side of town to the other, it's gone in a flash. Easy come easy go etc.

I saw a guy picking up butts off the floor the other night. I stopped to talk to him, find out more and offered him some tobacco. We talked and he is from the algarve. I was like, crikey, I'd love to be in the algarve. But turns out the system there isnt so welcoming as ours. So I got him a sim card so he can connect to the world. It was only a quid, but changed his day.

I remember every little thing people have done for me. And I will be forever in their debt.

For years I didnt want to be alive. Hated the world and resented being here. But even after multiple attempts to end it over the years, I'm still here so need a plan. It has to be helping others, and also dogs which are my passion. My dogs have never ever let me down and bring me so much joy.

As well as the people above, there are so many others who need help and will be worried about December and January, the long month.. so please join me in doing what you can to help.

Whatever you can afford will help someone feel human again.

I will share updates, photos and moments of gratitude from people we can help, and am looking forward to helping make things better for some people, even in small ways. They all add up. Thank you