Hiya, it's your girl Paris here!

But I didn't start out a girl, or at least I didn't on the outside...

THE STORY SO FAR

No, I began my transition journey in earnest just over 2 years ago as of writing this. And what a ride transition has already been. Thanks to the love and support of family, friends & co-workers, and a healthy dose of courage and conviction on my part, I've made huge strides in a very short space of time.

It's a good thing too, seeing as I started so late!

I've achieved or am working on achieving nearly everything I could reasonably expect within my means:

I would go as far as to even say, that I might just be a little proud haha.

However... Oh what a however it is...

There is one last part of my medical journey that feels painfully out of grasp for an overly sincere creative like me. And that's FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery).

WHAT IS FFS?

FFS (Facial Feminisation Surgery) is the generalised name of a group of medical interventions focused on the, yes you guessed it, face. These range from brow reductions to tracheal shaves, hair transplants to jaw reductions, rhinoplasty to lip alterations.

Each individual will want or need different sets of these various techniques in varying degrees of intensity in order to achieve a feminising effect on their personal face. What's deemed necessary will depend on their starting facial structure and their own personal relationship with their dysphoria.

Of course this means that no one should get it without first doing the internal work in the mind! This is something I am perenially conscious of and always checking in on myself.

What do I want done?

At a minimum I am looking at getting a Brow Reduction, Jaw Feminisation and Tracheal Shave. I have not ruled out more, but I feel these are the core of what would make the biggest difference to massively reduce my dysphoria.

Where do I want it done?

Having seen the results first hand and having tons of success stories, my intent is to go to Facial Team in Marbela, Spain. You can view their website here: Facial Team

"BUT YOU ALREADY LOOK GORGEOUS/FEMININE!"

This is the kind of thing that often, although not exclusively, cis people will say to a trans person like me, often said with good intent.

Look, I have enough self confidence to think I look pretty damn good as I am, but getting FFS isn't about being pretty or conforming to beauty standards. It's about having my internal self be reflected on my external. About being perceived as the woman I am without having to constantly make extra effort to just exist. About seeing my reflection and regardless of if I'm having a bad day or not, seeing the woman within looking back at me.

It can be difficult for people who preemptively love and respect me to understand this feeling. Especially as FFS is so often viewed as an purely aesthetic procedure rather than a positively life changing one. My day to day experience doesn't reflect how those people close to me always perceive me, and that isn't due to a lack of self belief, effort or duty of care.

I'VE SEEN THE RESULTS FIRST HAND

I know several people in real life who have already had this surgery. I even had the pleasure of experiencing first hand the before and after of a friend. I was mesmerised by the results.

What fundamentally stood out to me, is even during the early healing phases, they still looked like them! They hadn't been transformed into other people. They were themselves just... More womanly! I already wanted this surgery before this experience, this just cemented it for me.

A question remained though. With it being so prohibitively expensive, how on earth was I going to reach my goal?

WHY I NEED YOUR HELP

With all the good will in the world on my part, I will never attain this final piece of my medical transition on my own within any reasonable time frame.

And so I turn to the community I've built, the strangers I connect with, and the world at large!

Individually, I likely know no one who could single handedly fund this surgery. But collectively, given enough time, I believe we can get there!

Let's put it this way, if 4000 people donated £10 then I'd reach my goal. This seems very achievable to me.

WHAT HAPPENS IF I SUCCEED

Picture this, it's the enviable optimistic version of the future and we've reached our goal. What happens with the money and how do I hold myself accountable to all the doners and watchers?

First of all, the target goal is somewhat vague. Without a direct quote from facial team, something which only holds for 6 months, I can't put an exact price on the various trips, consultations or surgeries required.

What I do have though, is some experience of other people's costs and the rough ball park I should expect to be sitting in once all is said and done. So £40,000 is an amount that I expect to be able to cover things, or get me close enough that I could feasibly cover the rest with a personal loan.

I have some ground rules I will be strictly adhering to:

Hopefully you can see by following these rules I can make sure that the money I acquire is fairly attained, spent and documented.

I already live a pretty public facing life both online and irl, so this will come naturally to me. I think it would be pretty exciting to help educate and inform people of the process. Who knows, maybe I would then be able to go on to help other trans people more directly. That would certainly be wonderful.

ANY QUESTIONS?

That should cover the bulk of it for now. If you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to get in touch. I'd love to read them :)