Overcoming Trauma and Learning to Thrive with BIF

My child, Kay, needs help. We have been on a rough journey and we are still not finished. After 14 years of searching for answers to his academic struggles, he was diagnosed with Borderline Intellectual Functioning (BIF). Just over two years ago, Kay also disclosed that he was sexually abused by people that he no longer has contact with. To complicate matters even more, Kay has been questioning and confronting his gender identity which can be an extremely difficult journey for even the most neurotypical teen. Currently, Kay has changed his gender identity to male and prefers he/him pronouns. His father and I, as a last resort, are trying to get Kay into a residential treatment facility that focuses on helping kids with Kay’s specific needs. I have spent over two years searching and it is the only place in the country I have found that fits his very unique needs. Unfortunately, New Focus Academy is out of our financial reach. I am extending my plea to anyone who is able to help me help my child.

As an infant, I thought Kay might have autism. By four years of age, I noticed his speech was not as developed as his twin brother. By the end of his second year of Kindergarten, Kay still could only identify 12 letter sounds.

His dad and I decided to enroll him in a special needs school for first grade. Kay made progress at the school but after 3 years, we could no longer handle the financial burden and enrolled him back in our local school district.

Grades 4-6 were characterized by him learning material that he appeared to have mastered only to forget that same material weeks later. His progress was slow and very unstable.

At the end of 7th grade, COVID hit.  Within the first two weeks of the National shutdown, Kay disclosed the sexual abuse he suffered from age 7 - 11 years old.

He had a year and a half of of cognitive based therapy for trauma without progress. The cognitive difficulties Kay faces makes this type of therapy unsuccessful for people with intellectual challenges. We also had our first round of family based therapy, which did little to help Kay.

Last year Kay was dx with “borderline intellectual functioning” which means Kay is not officially “Intellectually Disabled” nor was he a “neurotypical”kid. He falls into this grey area where there is no assistance available because he is too high functioning for treatment through our county, but not high functioning enough that mainstream services will accept him. The lack of services for this population is astonishing! Where do these people go for psychological help? The BIF community is a completely ignored section of our population and most of them fall through the cracks of our system.

Kay didn’t have the tools to work through the trauma of the years of sexual abuse like most people.  The intellectual and social divide was starting to become obvious to him. He was having trouble understanding concepts that most teens could understand on television shows geared for his age group. He wanted to be around his peers and fit in, but he knew he was different and was struggling to keep up socially with others his age.

He began hearing voices due to PTSD and the trauma of molestation. There were months in which his father and I were taking him to the hospital every week to keep him from ending his life. 

I was on 6 different waiting lists trying to get appropriate help for Kay only to be turned away by most because of his Borderline Intellectual Functioning. We spent years tied up in a system not designed for people with Kay’s needs. We bounced 

from inpatient hospitalization, to intensive outpatient, back to in patient, weekly emergency visits, and daily Mobil Crisis calls.

We finally realized that Kay’s only hope for recovery was a residential treatment facility.  Recently, we found a place called New Focus Academy in Utah. It was designed for kids like Kay! Finally, I found somewhere my child could heal and grow. Unfortunately, I also discovered it costs between $17,000 - $21,000 per month! This amount is not something financially accessible for me or Kay’s father.

So now we are asking you for any help you can give to help Kay get the very specialized care he needs.

I am willing to do everything in my power to help my baby. But I have reached my financial limit. So now I am asking you. Please help us! 

With sincere gratitude, faith and hope,

Lori Ryales