CW: sexual/physical violence, child death, drug addiction

Toddy is a black woman born and raised in New Haven, CT. Her favorite memories are those with her children and with her mother. Toddy’s mother would take her on long walks around the park, nature center, and downtown area. Every Friday she would let Toddy and her siblings pick where they wanted to go out to eat and on Saturdays she would take them to the movies. Toddy’s mother was good and caring to Toddy throughout her childhood, even as she was being repeatedly beaten and raped by men in her life. Toddy’s mother is a survivor, who taught Toddy how to be strong, resilient, and above all, she taught her to speak up. “If anyone ever touches you, I will believe you,” Toddy recalled her mother told her at a young age.  And she did--at 13 years old, Toddy was raped by her father. Shortly after that, Toddy’s life took a major turn. 

At 15 years old, Toddy became pregnant with her first child and was incarcerated at York Correctional Institution while pregnant for selling narcotics. When she was released, she started selling drugs again. Struggling with her mental health because of the sexual abuse she had experienced, Toddy gave custody of her son to her grandmother. She then regained custody of her first son, became pregnant again and was reincarcerated again. She then had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with schizophrenia, manic-depression and anxiety. Shortly after, Toddy started using again. When she became pregnant with her third son she stopped using. At only 4 months of life, Toddy’s third child died. She had awoken one morning to find him dead beside her. Toddy was informed that her baby died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which is the unexplained death, usually during sleep, of a seemingly healthy baby less than a year old. After this, Toddy started using again and had another nervous breakdown.

Some time after, Toddy met a nice guy and became pregnant with her 4th son. She began selling drugs again for one of her best friends. “I didn’t know how he felt about me” she explained, as she shared about how he took her to the East Rock neighborhood, raped her, and almost killed her. Toddy woke up in the hospital, saved by an angel who found her slowly bleeding to death. Though she physically recovered, Toddy was scared for her life. She stayed home, always hiding in the dark, because the man who almost killed her had not been apprehended. Her relationship with the father of her child ended which left her heart broken. For 2 years, she would not leave her house or deal with anyone because she was so hurt and depressed. Then, she met another guy and had her first daughter with him, only to lose her to joint custody, which caused her to have another nervous breakdown. Toddy went back to jail, got out, and started using again. Then back to jail, and using again once released. 

Toddy then met another man who became emotionally, verbally, mentally and physically abusive towards her. He beat her repeatedly over a period of 11 years, leaving her with bruises all the time, blackened eyes, 2 broken ribs, and fractured arms. Toddy was re-incarcerated at York CI once again. This is when and where she met team members of CT Bail Fund. Upon meeting and working with Toddy, she committed to changing her life with our support, and that she did. Toddy left everything behind and started over completely. Once she was released, she advocated for herself in court and asked the judge to give her the support she truly needs and has never received--mental health. Having been in and out of jail her whole life, Toddy was required to participate in drug programs which never addressed the underlying reason of why she fell into drugs. Had it not been for the domestic violence and sexual violence support groups she attended, and the mental health counseling she received, Toddy would never have been able to work through her addiction. 

Toddy has now been clean for 7 months. She has worked tirelessly to secure housing through section 8. Despite being certified in 5 trades (hairdresser, business, commercial cleaning, accountant, nurses aid), Toddy cannot find employment. She continues to be discriminated against because of her criminal record and mental health. Nobody wants to hire her--not McDonalds, not Wendys, or even an animal shelter to clean dog poop. We recently fundraised a little under $1,000 to support Toddy. She used that money to purchase a cheap, used car so that she can finally start her own 24-hour cleaning service business--a dream of hers. Toddy has always loved cleaning and she is eager to start her own business so that she can be her own boss and have stability for once in her life. Unfortunately, the car Toddy purchased broke down completely after only 4 days of having it. A minor set back, but Toddy is determined to accomplish her dreams. 

Given all her life experiences, Toddy is also passionate and eager to support and counsel other womyn, who like her, have had to survive physical and sexual violence, and overcome drug addiction as a result of that. Toddy remembers her mother’s life and acknowledges that she went down the same path of abuse and drugs. On 4 occasions Toddy tried to kill herself and believes that she is alive and with us today by the grace of God. She is working hard everyday to better herself and to break the cycle of abuse and violence that has surrounded her. 

All funds raised will go directly to our sister Toddy so she can cover her basic necessities, pay her bills, medications, food, etc. Toddy is appreciative and grateful of any support she receives. More than anything, Toddy wishes to be seen and heard. She shares her story with us because she no longer needs to hide, and because it is necessary for our communities to look beyond a person’s drug addiction and criminal record. More importantly, this is what many womyn in our world experience.

Note: This is Toddy's story, edited with the help of V.