My Sister's Remarkable Family

My sister Diane has a truly remarkable family. After identifying as lesbian in college and grad school, she married a woman who turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. While preparing to leave that relationship, she reached out to a friend, Ralph, and realized to her surprise that he was the only man to whom she had ever been romantically attracted. They married (a second marriage for them both), cared for his two children from his first marriage, and eventually had a child of their own, Daniel. 

Daniel is a sweet, funny, bright 9 year old now, who happens to be autistic. Raising an autistic child takes a lot of time and commitment from parents, and my sister had to put her career as a librarian and archivist on hold for several years.  Even now she is only able to work part time as a cashier at a nearby store.  Though she very much enjoys the work, it is a step-down financially from when she was working full-time professionally.  Ralph is approaching retirement age and Diane is a bit younger.  They have been very frugal in order to meet Daniel’s needs and try to be financially prepared when Ralph stops working, but it’s been tough.

Therefore, when Ralph eventually acknowledged that “he” isn’t the pronoun that fits, and that she has always identified as female, they faced some tough obstacles. In addition to the normal challenges of figuring out how to tell family, friends, her employers and co-workers, they also had the puzzle of how to find the financial resources to pay for the surgeries that would allow Mindy to present as Mindy and not as a cross-dressing Ralph. This transition is clearly important to Mindy’s well-being, and they are committed as a couple to finding a way to make it work. Through careful saving, using some of Ralph/Mindy’s income as an archivist and organist, they have covered the costs of therapy sessions, electrolysis treatments, the first of three surgeries, and have pre-paid the surgeon’s fee for the second.

But with two more surgeries to go, requiring an additional $9,000 or more, other life issues have begun derailing their fragile plans. First, Ralph/Mindy was in a car accident, and although she wasn’t seriously hurt, her already aging car is now nearing the end and they don’t have funds to replace it. Then both Diane and Ralph/Mindy received bad dental news, with each trying to put off replacing an old and failing filling in need of a crown, which after insurance will still cost them a significant amount out of pocket. They are left with a hard choice – finish a surgical gender transition that is already started, or pay for the emergency expenses that have arisen over the past few weeks.

So I’m reaching out to ask if you can help support this remarkable family in a difficult time by doing two things. First, if you are in a position to make a donation through the Go Fund Me campaign link below you would be directly helping them be cover the cost of the additional surgeries so that they can focus their limited funds on the extra life expenses that have come up without delaying Mindy’s full transition. Second, if you feel that people in your own community would be inspired to help through donations, please consider posting the link to your own Facebook feed or emailing it to individuals you think would be able and willing to make a contribution. Any amount of support you can offer would be most welcome, and would really make a difference for my sister, her partner, and their son.

Update: Mindy's facial surgery was completed successfully in July, and she is very happy with the results as you can see here: 

Thanks for all who've contributed to support Mindy, Diane and Daniel during this time. If you haven't yet made a contribution, but are interested in helping please know that they can definitely still use financial support with one more surgery still to cover.