My life in the chair

Surviving the turmoil of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.

For safety reasons I am not putting a photo of my friend.

I wanted to help my friend out of a terrible situation, but I wanted her to tell you in her own words.

I am 61 years old and never thought I would be that one. You know, the one who has personally experienced domestic violence to this degree. The degree meaning being body slammed over a couch, being dragged by the car down a gravel driveway, and being constantly, totally controlled to the point I lost myself and turned into a complete mess of what I once was just to survive. It may sound crazy and unbelievable, but I assure you this was my reality for many years. I was always the one to lend a hand when someone was in trouble, and now I find I am the one in trouble and I need help. Here is my story if you want to read on. I know it's lengthy, but I need to get across what is going on to get help.

First of all, I want to say I know there are other people out there like me that need just as much help as I do. I was finally at a place in life where I was going to school for psychology. I had a good job. I had an RV, and that's how I was getting by and eventually looking forward to finishing school. I had just gotten out of a not-so-great relationship, and I was determined not to end up in another bad one. Then this person came into my life and promised me the world. He said all the right things, acted like the most loving, doting human being you could ever meet. He called my friends and family and told them that he was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me and I was never going to have to worry again. He wasn't going to treat me poorly, and I was going to be able to finish school and have a wonderful, beautiful life like I never had before. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Especially being an adoptee when you want more than anything to be happy, loved, and to belong. The first 6 months were not so bad, but then after about a year, I started seeing all the red flags. It crept up slowly, and everybody kept telling me he was a narcissist. I started reading about it and realizing that's what was happening. Only the people closest to me could see what was going on and even believed how bad it truly was because let me tell you, when not behind doors, he was the most charming, likable person you could meet. Master manipulator and good at fooling everyone, but at home, it was hell.

Little by little, he whittled away at my self-esteem and groomed me to believe I was something I wasn't. No matter what it was, it was my fault. Everything happening was my fault, no matter what it was. Constant digs at my character to the point I was starting to not believe in myself. I was walking on eggshells, constantly monitoring my behavior to avoid arguments or triggering disappointing him because I knew what was going to happen. Four and a half years I spent most of my time sitting in the chair holding my breath, praying for relief.

Why didn't I leave? I was frozen, too scared of being homeless in the street, destitute. Where I almost am now and where I prayed not to be. I was trying to make an escape plan. It just didn't happen. He tried every single day to make me believe I was crazy and something was wrong with me and all those great gaslighting techniques to gain compliance.

The withdrawal of any form of support and constant silent treatments to keep me under his thumb. I fought it in my head, constantly telling myself just hang on, it's okay, play his way, keep serving his every whim, which I did to the point of exhaustion. I wasn't even taking care of myself anymore. He made me feel bad for my health issues and sometimes not being able to be the good little servant.

Again, someone who has never gone through this can read my story, but until you are in this kind of situation, it's hard to fathom how bad it really is. I know it's hard to understand why not leave? The fight leaves, and you start to accept their version of reality, prioritizing stability over truth. Your coping and survival skills kick in, and you just stay complacent to get through each moment.

Again, the reason for the chair. It was the only place I could go and shut down and try to stay sane. That is why I have to tell my story in short form to get across how badly I was completely controlled for almost 5 years. I have to tell my story so you can understand my need for help. He threw me in the street like yesterday's trash with no money, hardly any of my things, and a car that has issues, knowing I have really nowhere immediate to go on short-term notice. No money (he controlled), no resources, and no way to really get help. I desperately need help. I am finding resources are minimal. Rural area.

Your contribution will help with getting her back on her feet, fixing her vehicle, phone for safety and networking for help, keeping up insurance to get a job, gas, doctor's appointments, and importantly getting a roof back over her head since her stability was taken from her and her pup.

Every donation, no matter how big or small, brings us to our goal. It makes a huge difference in this unfortunate circumstance.

If you have any questions about this GoFundMe campaign or how the funds will be used, please feel free to reach out. We will be happy to provide any info you may need.

The funds raised will be put towards all the things that were lost and the surmountable pile of debt accruing as well. Please come together to help her get back on her feet and get back some normalcy.

Thank you. I want to add on her behalf this is not a scam, this is real, and she is in her senior years, which makes this even more difficult to just pick up the pieces, especially when you have health issues on top of getting past all the trauma and shellshock of the situation.

Thank you for reading and possibly helping on this journey to help a fellow person get her life back.

She's a good person and, like others, didn't deserve this or to be tossed away like trash with nothing.

Please, anything helps. Thank you so much, Cindy