Helping my Dad's Compulsive Hoarding Journey

Hi all! Wow I cannot believe how much support you all have given me in the last 24 hours. I’m so so grateful. For those considering donating, GoFundMe does take a fee so if you have venmo, you can also venmo me instead at @treedboo. Thank you thank you thank you

Background

Hi all. In the last 6 months I have been on a journey to help my dad with his 30+ year compulsive hoarding. As many of you know, my parents are immigrants from Thailand. I grew up in a $450/month 1-bedroom apartment owned by my aunt in Los Angeles while my parents worked in factories and other minimum wage jobs. For most of my life my dad has struggled to let go of things big and small and often scavenges for things others throw away. After attempting to help him 10 years ago and having a verbal verging on physical altercation, I avoided broaching the situation or seeing the inside of my family home again for the next decade. Then this past March my mom got sick and when I dropped her off, I saw what 10 years had done. I was overwhelmed by how the hoarding, which was already a fire hazard when I was growing up, had escalated to unhealthy and unsanitary proportions involving insects and rodents. This is coupled with their advancing age which has made it difficult for them to maintain some degree of cleanliness. My dad is a level 4 hoarder (there are 5 levels) and the situation has become unsafe for their health and well-being. 


Although hiring cleaners to haul it all away seemed like the easiest solution to the problem, I knew that would not be healthy for my dad mentally and would only be a bandaid to the problem. So I began this journey to help my dad’s compulsive hoarding by finding a therapist for my dad and convincing my dad to see the therapist to address the underlying issues such as depression that has led to this behavior. 


Throughout the past 4 months of therapy, we’ve worked with him to try and take the lead on cleaning which has been mostly unsuccessful. Then we successfully convinced him to let me clean several times so I would drive down from the Bay to LA once a month during this pandemic until I realized it was too overwhelming physically and emotionally. Now, with the support of his therapist, I have finally convinced my dad to begrudgingly let me hire a hoarding company to come do a complete overhaul of his (and my mom’s) life and clearing most things out. 


Next Steps and the Ask

I know some of you have wanted to support me and I struggle in accepting the help. With the support and work with my own therapist, I’ve learned that this struggle and reluctance is intergenerational. During this journey I’ve witnessed how my mom’s lifelong tendency to suppress her emotions (such as her feelings about my dad’s hoarding) and do everything on her own has affected her well-being and mental state. I want to break this cycle not only with my parents but with my extended family and show them and myself that healing and change is possible. That’s why I am asking for your help. 


There are multiple costs I’ve incurred and will incur to help my dad emotionally and physically while also trying to maintain my own therapy in order to continue helping them. Therapy for my dad is $175 per week. The hoarding cleaning company will cost $3,250. I will need to buy a working refrigerator and other appliances/furniture to replace 30 year old appliances/bed/couch. Through this process, I have also realized my mom’s need for support, so I will be finding a therapist and translator for her, as well as a caregiver and regular cleaning service. I know there is no quick fix to this deeply-rooted addiction and I want to support my parents and myself in the most holistic way possible that allows for long-lasting healing. I plan on investing in this healing in the coming months/years and currently have some initial big costs to cover. If you are able to help me financially or with any other resources (such as appliances/furniture), I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you and love to you all.


Here are some major items in need of replacing: couch (where my dad sleeps), bed (where my mom sleeps), stove



Here are some resources about hoarding if you want to learn more:

What is Compulsive Hoarding 

Levels of Hoarding 

Humanizing Hoarding TED Talk