Momma Kat's Legacy: Girls Rule

"To know her was to love her... or have very strong feelings about her."

On Tuesday, March 7, 2023, my sister, Katherine Racheal Widner, arrived at Saint Thomas West in Nashville, Tennessee for open heart surgery to repair a leaky valve and correct a genetic heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. The surgery went very well, and the cardiologists were pleased with the results. When she awoke, a lifelong friend was by her side, prepared to stay with her for the next thirty days while she healed and recovered.

The very next day Kat was out of bed, sitting in a chair, hugging her heart pillow, and managing her pain. On Thursday morning, she settled into a regular hospital room with plans on the horizon to start physical therapy strolls around the fourth floor. On Thursday afternoon, she suddenly and unexpectedly suffered a severe stroke. The doctors acted quickly, and she was immediately taken for an emergency thrombectomy to remove two clots: one in her carotid artery and another in her middle cerebral artery. Immediate family and friends began to assemble as quickly as they could to be near her. The doctors were hopeful and continued to monitor her brain with routine scans. Yet, in a cruel storm of factors, the damage to the left side of her brain was apparent, extensive, and continuing to worsen despite every possible intervention.

This summer when I visited her in anticipation of the heart procedure, we talked through the worst possible scenarios. We laughed and joked and never thought we would need to refer to these documents, but we also knew it would simply be foolish to not prepare for the worst, even though we did nothing less than hope for the best.

As the amazing doctors and nurses continued to monitor and observe Kat's brain activity, function, and condition on Friday, additional family and friends arrived from Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Texas, while even more family and friends booked flights or started long road trips.

After talking with a neurologist who made time to review her scans from early Saturday morning and compare them to scans taken 24 hours prior with us, and explain what would continue to happen as a result of the stroke she suffered, we made the impossible but only decision to begin coordinating with Tennessee Donor Services to collect tissue samples just in case all of our prayers weren't answered. Knowing with certainty that she was quickly approaching brain death as the swelling around her brain increased and would eventually reach her brain stem, we chose to honor Kat's wishes to be an organ donor.

At 2:00 pm on Sunday, we moved from the neurological ICU to the operating room. We had a short journey from her room to the surgical floor, but the hallway was lined shoulder to shoulder with loved ones waiting to say a final goodbye and healthcare workers who took a moment out of their day to recognize and honor her sacrifice. Family and friends made their way to the waiting room near the operating room. Five of us donned bunny suits and hair nets and waited for her to be extubated and taken off life support so we could be with her through what we thought would be her final moments.

My sister was a fighter her entire life. She fought for herself. She fought for me. She fought for LeeAnn. She fought for Savannah. She fought for Faith. She fought for Bailey. She fought for and loved children that were not even her own. I counted 28 visitors between Friday night and Sunday afternoon, and those are only the ones I can recall. Kat fought for everything she had in her life and everything she wanted, and she was about as stubborn as any human could be. Even though she had just endured open heart surgery and a severe stroke, and even though we assured her it was okay to stop fighting, she refused to listen. Since she did not pass on her own within an hour of having life support removed, her organs were no longer viable for donation. Her daughters said goodbye to her after an hour of watching her refuse to stop fighting despite all the odds stacked against her.

The medical team moved Kat back to her room in the neurological ICU where she continued to fight for several more hours. She was not able to donate organs, but she was able to donate tissue. Even though her daughters weren't with her, she was still surrounded by five souls in her final moments... five souls who cared for her deeply throughout their lives and her life. Maybe she got tired, maybe she realized she had already shown us how to fight, or maybe she trusted that the five of us and the rest of you all--all the other lives she touched--would keep fighting on her behalf and fighting for her girls.

Her daughters, LeeAnn (24), Savannah (18), Faith (16), and Bailey (15), will have to continue to fight without their mother. And, of course, it's not going to be easy. She didn't teach me how to fight through losing her, but I'm going to figure it out.

If you're wondering why $44,444... Kat's death was pronounced at 12:02 am on 03.13.2023. 222 was Kat's favorite number. In the cover photo of this GoFundMe, there are five faces, and there were five people with her every minute after she was removed from life support, so the goal is five digits. She has four daughters, hence the digit four. Donations of any amount are sincerely appreciated, but if there is a number that is special to you, we would love for you to share that as part of your donation. The money raised will be used to cover Kat's end-of-life expenses, and the balance will benefit her four daughters both in the immediate and long-term future.

A Celebration of Life will be held at Copper Ridge (3597 Betty Ford Rd, Murfreesboro, TN 37130) on March 22, 2023. We welcome folks to begin gathering at 3:00 pm before the formal program commences at 4:00 pm. Please RSVP so we can adequately prepare to celebrate her. As far as attire, please wear whatever makes you comfortable, but know that the family will be dressed to celebrate. If you would like to share photos and memories of Kat for the family to include as part of her Celebration of Life, please share them by clicking on this link.

Obituary for Katherine Racheal Widner

Celebration of Life

Video Tribute

Momma Kat's Playlist

Readings:

" " , read by Valerie Vied

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

" " , read by Savannah Boyd

God saw you getting tired

and a cure was not to be,

so he put his arms around you, and whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,

and saw you pass away.

Although we loved you dearly,

we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,

hardworking hands at rest,

God broke our hearts to prove to us

He only takes the best.

"" , read by Sheila Elmhurst

“[She] has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of little children; who has filled [her] niche and accomplished [her] task; who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has left the world better than [she] found it, whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.”