Making Baby Sonne: Our Gestational Carrier Journey
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A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away—or at the very least what seems like an entirely different planet on which people could congregate and celebrate without masks and fear— we tried everything we could to have a baby. And thus far, that hasn’t happened for us. Yet.
Since we began fertility treatments, we have had a literal rollercoaster of successes and setbacks as we battled through 4 egg retrievals, 5 embryo transfers, 3 pregnancies, 4 miscarriages (one loss was twins who miscarried separately), and a whole lot of heartbreak, stress, trauma, and anxiety.
In October of 2019, Jacob and I were still grieving our latest miscarriage from just a couple months earlier. We were desperate for answers because we had suffered our third loss in a year. We needed more answers because after each of my own successful transfers, I miscarried around the 6-week mark. But for the first time, my doctor did not seem hopeful about trying another transfer with me and this uterus of mine. We tried all of the procedures, meds, tests, tips and tricks, and there were only two options left—try again and risk losing the last of my embryos, or to use a gestational carrier. After much inner turmoil and a lot of difficult conversations, we became comfortable with the new plan. I would undergo my last egg retrieval and we would attempt to transfer again using a gestational carrier. For those unfamiliar, a gestational carrier is a wonderful, thoughtful, and caring individual who will grow a baby in her uterus that is half me and half Jacob. While that concept may be too difficult for most people to even fathom, a special person in our lives has offered to help us in this most monumental of ways.
Danylle, our cousin on Jacob’s side of the family, was going through her own fertility journey, so we were in communication often about our stories. One day, she asked me, very matter-of-factly, if I ever considered using a family member to carry our child. And I had—I had been developing a mental list of possible people to ask “down the road,” but it had never really been a serious conversation. I will never forget that next exchange with Danylle: she said, “I would like to do that for you guys.” Needless to say, Jacob and I were beside ourselves with emotion and gratitude. Being a gestational carrier for a couple who have been longing for a child for so many years is a gift, a blessing, and… well, there are no words worthy enough to adequately express this unique and truly selfless sacrifice.
With every inch of progress, there comes new hurdles. The use of a gestational carrier is very expensive, much more so than IVF. The intended parents (Jacob and I) want to ensure that Danylle gets everything she needs and is taken care of during this process, as she is quite literally doing all the heavy lifting. Even though it feels like life came to a dramatic halt back in March of 2020, life and all its normal struggles continued on. And as life goes on, some people have babies and some people still struggle to have babies that they’ve been dreaming of for what seems like an eternity. Many of you have been following along in our journey and have asked how you can help, and now we have an opportunity for you to do just that.
We are kicking off a fundraising campaign to not only bring awareness to issues like PCOS, infertility, and miscarriage, but to help us provide funding for legal, insurance, procedures, medicines, and many other expenses that come along with using a gestational carrier.
Please consider checking out our fundraising page on BONFIRE for #makingbabysonne gear. BONFIRE is a t-shirt fundraising platform that works for causes such as ours. For those of you uninterested in t-shirts, facemasks, or tote bags, we have created a GoFundMe page for donations. Every little bit helps, so please feel free to share on social media. Baby Sonne Merch Shop
Jacob and I are so thankful for all of the people who have been with us during this entire journey, for reading every word of my blog on WordPress, for offering words of encouragement and comfort during the dark days, for cheering us on during each and every procedure, for wearing #socksforbabysonne, and for supporting us as we head down this new, exciting, and expensive road—the one we hope leads us to bringing Baby Sonne into the world.
Read more from Nicole on WordPress
Since we began fertility treatments, we have had a literal rollercoaster of successes and setbacks as we battled through 4 egg retrievals, 5 embryo transfers, 3 pregnancies, 4 miscarriages (one loss was twins who miscarried separately), and a whole lot of heartbreak, stress, trauma, and anxiety.
In October of 2019, Jacob and I were still grieving our latest miscarriage from just a couple months earlier. We were desperate for answers because we had suffered our third loss in a year. We needed more answers because after each of my own successful transfers, I miscarried around the 6-week mark. But for the first time, my doctor did not seem hopeful about trying another transfer with me and this uterus of mine. We tried all of the procedures, meds, tests, tips and tricks, and there were only two options left—try again and risk losing the last of my embryos, or to use a gestational carrier. After much inner turmoil and a lot of difficult conversations, we became comfortable with the new plan. I would undergo my last egg retrieval and we would attempt to transfer again using a gestational carrier. For those unfamiliar, a gestational carrier is a wonderful, thoughtful, and caring individual who will grow a baby in her uterus that is half me and half Jacob. While that concept may be too difficult for most people to even fathom, a special person in our lives has offered to help us in this most monumental of ways.
Danylle, our cousin on Jacob’s side of the family, was going through her own fertility journey, so we were in communication often about our stories. One day, she asked me, very matter-of-factly, if I ever considered using a family member to carry our child. And I had—I had been developing a mental list of possible people to ask “down the road,” but it had never really been a serious conversation. I will never forget that next exchange with Danylle: she said, “I would like to do that for you guys.” Needless to say, Jacob and I were beside ourselves with emotion and gratitude. Being a gestational carrier for a couple who have been longing for a child for so many years is a gift, a blessing, and… well, there are no words worthy enough to adequately express this unique and truly selfless sacrifice.
With every inch of progress, there comes new hurdles. The use of a gestational carrier is very expensive, much more so than IVF. The intended parents (Jacob and I) want to ensure that Danylle gets everything she needs and is taken care of during this process, as she is quite literally doing all the heavy lifting. Even though it feels like life came to a dramatic halt back in March of 2020, life and all its normal struggles continued on. And as life goes on, some people have babies and some people still struggle to have babies that they’ve been dreaming of for what seems like an eternity. Many of you have been following along in our journey and have asked how you can help, and now we have an opportunity for you to do just that.
We are kicking off a fundraising campaign to not only bring awareness to issues like PCOS, infertility, and miscarriage, but to help us provide funding for legal, insurance, procedures, medicines, and many other expenses that come along with using a gestational carrier.
Please consider checking out our fundraising page on BONFIRE for #makingbabysonne gear. BONFIRE is a t-shirt fundraising platform that works for causes such as ours. For those of you uninterested in t-shirts, facemasks, or tote bags, we have created a GoFundMe page for donations. Every little bit helps, so please feel free to share on social media. Baby Sonne Merch Shop
Jacob and I are so thankful for all of the people who have been with us during this entire journey, for reading every word of my blog on WordPress, for offering words of encouragement and comfort during the dark days, for cheering us on during each and every procedure, for wearing #socksforbabysonne, and for supporting us as we head down this new, exciting, and expensive road—the one we hope leads us to bringing Baby Sonne into the world.
Read more from Nicole on WordPress
Organizer
Nicole Sonne
Organizer
Palos Heights, IL