My Name is Emma, born Keira Williams, and I am a queer survivor of religious sexual and reproductive of abuse. *updated to be in my own words as of 9/13/2026. Thank you so much to my friend Shobi for helping me get this up!

Due to current events, namely The Eps Files, Trmp’s attack on the poor and disabled, and the complications of Comorbid Conditions, Chronic Pain/Autoimmune Conditions + CPTSD, my recovery has taken more time than I can afford. I have had the opportunity to stay with a friend for the last two years, but for the best of both of us I am in need of a place of my own. From here I hope to explain why I could really use assistance and why living alone is the best situation for me.

It would mean the world to have the security of being as prepared this time, considering the rising costs of housing, food, moving, deposits and fees as WELL AS necessary ongoing medical treatment. I am hoping I won’t have to move again for a very long time.

I've truly put all I can into surviving this long.

I'm looking to make enough for moving expenses, multiple months of rent saved, a medical bill fund, an emergency fund and any extra for basic living expenses; medication, necessities, groceries, and transportation. Ideally, I'd like to make enough to get some CPTSD+Health recovery time, get to the bottom of what's wrong with my body, and finally be able to get back on my feet.

I’ve needed a miracle for ten years, and maybe my whole life if I’m to be honest. Many times I’ve gotten so close to stability and rest only for health, rent, taxes and bills to whittle me down to nothing again. I’ve had amazing support over the years but this just isn’t going to get better gradually. I’ve tried as hard as I can to pull myself out of this situation only to burn out my mind and body – I physically cannot work anymore.

My body and mind are wrecked from trying to function through compounded traumas and absolutely no space or time to do anything about it which has led to even more health issues.

I know a lot of you are dealing with your own struggles - please bear with me.

Graves Disease and Gastroparesis – Physical Hurdles

Over the last ten years I've developed Graves Disease, which is an immune system condition that affects the thyroid gland. The immune system that typically targets viruses, bacteria and other foreign substances changes and suddenly targets the thyroid via an antibody that attacks a part of the thyroid cells. My thyroid has been destroyed by this and procedures [ex. radiation treatment. ablation] to abate this problem. It’s as if the immune system gets confused and attacks itself, like other conditions with similar causes.

It affects many organs in the body, including my eyes and digestive system. An average day I waking up with nausea and fatigue. I spend at least an hour every morning just trying to get through expelling what I barely have in my stomach, if there is anything at all. One of my biggest struggles is that I have developed severe food repulsion but I still have to force myself to eat something just so I can take the medication I need to survive and function [ex Levothyroxine and Lexapro for thyroid and CPTSD respectively]. This requires me to self medicate with hemp so the nausea can dissipate just enough so I can stomach something decent.

Due to graves, fibromyalgia and damage to my reproductive system I deal with a high level of pain that fluctuates daily. Graves & Gastroparesis make it so that I have bladder and gastrointestinal urgency several times in an hour, which of course exacerbates my pain and fatigue. Even if I haven’t eaten anything I frequently experience hair-trigger vomiting and urgency, which forces me to race to the bathroom or to a trashcan the moment the nausea hits. I have to carry nausea bags with me wherever i go because it can happen at literally any time without a trigger.

Undiagnosed Physical Struggles

In addition to Graves, I lost my athleticism and active hobbies to a condition that atrophied my muscle in the span of a week and I still don't have a name for it. To give an example, I went from a physical job and primarily athletic hobbies [dancing, running, basketball, hiking, etc] to being unable to pick myself up off the floor. My legs shook and there was no spring to jump or run so I would collapse if I did anything other than walk. My muscles have not recovered and I struggle to retain muscle built due to my stomach issues and pain making diet and scheduled exercise near impossible. Physical Therapy DOES help when I can afford to go.

Within the same year I started getting sick, I split up with my partner right in the middle of a joint move, ended up needing to use what I'd saved to keep my mum's van from being totaled, ended up homeless and barely medicated without a thyroid. Thankfully, we were able to save the van and it served as shelter for us while I saved to get a new place.

Homelessness of course came with its own struggles as living in a van for 2 does not allow for proper ventilation, privacy or basic needs met, although it was a barrier between us and the streets. During that time my body limited my options, and the most profitable work I could safely do was adult artwork that often clashed with my trauma. The only saving grace of that time was having our cats, though having their litter box off-gassing in such a small space did not help with my [or my mother's] medical symptoms.

During and after the years I was homeless I developed Fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis, and was fighting through new traumas from what I was actively experiencing that I now have to manage along with a history of childhood sexual and reproductive abuse, as well as brainwashing.

Childhood Struggles: Content Warning - Suicide, Grooming, CSA, Reproductive abuse, Child abuse

Due to the constant instability that has been my adult life; I have never had the time to recover from my childhood and teen years. It is causing severe enough damage still that I am desperate for real rest to actually deal with this. I genuinely feel like I am losing myself and my life to this. This is an appeal for rest as well as stability.

I am starting this clarifying my biomother is not part of this. The parents who abused me are my step mother, some of her family, my biofather and some of his family.

The first SA that I remember was by a babysitter's son when I was a toddler. I would grow up between a hyper sexual household [where my mother was being abused] and a hyper religious household. I was groomed and abused actively by multiple men starting at 7 going on until I was 15. I was frequently drugged and developed a fear of naps early on that turned into insomnia later. I had constant UTIs but i was not taken to doctors. I was made to apologize to adult men for making them "uncomfortable", they looked the other way when some men were alone with me, and scolded me for 'manipulating' other men. there was no attempt to understand what was happening to me medically or emotionally. Looking back from a distance now that tells me they probably knew and didn't want to be caught.

At 15 I started dating a 21 year old man with my father's knowledge. When the abuse from my boyfriend and being blamed for the way men treated me got to be too much I started burning myself. I was laughed at by my father for not attempting Suicide ‘correctly like his coworker’s daughter’ who ended up in the ER. They took my room away in response.

I had my privacy revoked, forced to get dressed in the living room with the threat that if my brother woke up and saw me dressing I would be punished. his room opened up to the living room so it was a lose/lose for both of us. I was also not allowed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and they would frequently hear things that werent me and scream at me, insisting it was me no matter how clearly id been scared awake.

I was kept up through the night while they tried to get me to confess to things I hadn't done (smoking weed; stealing a dime out of his truck, getting pregnant; taking other people’s clothes, stealing from my brother; etc). When I was exhausted I would just tell them what they wanted to hear so I would be left alone, only for them to get mad that I ‘lied again’ for telling them what they wanted even though they wouldn’t believe the truth.

I was called a slut for showing interest in sex or boys my age, an attention whore when I was in pain (especially if it was 'female' related, i.e. cramping, bloating, migraines, digestive issues), a master manipulator (clear signs of neurodivergence that was assumed to be malice) and whatever happened to me was always part of my grand design in his head.

When pregnancy became a concern, they told me it didn't matter if I was raped and likely to die because I was so small. They sat me down and firmly said no matter what happened to me (death, illness, or otherwise from a bad pregnancy) ‘god wanted my son to be born’, and they would make sure at least my baby would be alive even if I was dead and gone. Now I’ll never be able to have a child by my own choice, especially after such intense abuse. I do not have will probably never have the resources and stability, without significant help, to adopt like I want so badly.

I deserve more than to be re-traumatized every day with the way the world treats survivors, AFAB (assigned female at birth) folks, and the increasing hostility to those of us who can’t have or don’t want to have kids. There is something so uniquely mind-fucking about being a woman who wants kids but can’t due to sexual violence - all while being surrounded by rhetoric insisting you’re selfish for not fucking lonely men and having their kids.

I was sent to a teen camp for my attempts to ask for help combined with their 'fear that was gay' [I was literally terrified of heterosexual sex by this point.] I was called misogynistic slurs and forced to hurt myself with intense physical punishment. The 'academy' as it was called has since been covered up as they opened a legitimate school with the exact same name.

The last time I spoke to my father he confessed to almost murdering my mother. He said the only reason he didnt was because I was there, as if that was supposed to make it anything other than a confession to take my mother, who has been the only person by my side through all of this, away.

This is killing me.

This is not an exhaustive list of every single traumatizing event as it is traumatizing alone to have to relive it, just to explain how I had been failed at every instance as a child.

With the last year, my whole life now feels like one long sexual violation and I just can’t do it alone anymore. I have worked hard, given so much of myself that I can't catch up and it’s clear the longer I do this the worse my health gets. With The Files that have come out, I hope it’s clear that the system has always worked against us but especially if you have no real support or resources.

The Goal

For most people living alone is a luxury, ESPECIALLY right now. Unfortunately through my lifetime I have been made well aware that as nice as I am, my trauma is too much for people to put up with.Especially with my PMDD, I cannot live with people who cannot understand the pain of long term sexual abuse- for their wellbeing as much as mine. For most of my life I've said that I can’t have roommates because my trauma would impact their lives, but I've started realizing I also have to acknowledge the effort I make and the lack of control I have over these types of conditions.

I ALSO deserve to feel like a person, and if I am constantly being trivialized by people who are more uncomfortable with what I've been through than I am, how do I take myself seriously enough to actually heal? I'm the one who's kept me alive all this time; I know how capable I am. Living alone works for me and my health and my healing. Unfortunately I need support in the middle of 2026 with a body that can’t stand, pukes and passes out too often for a 9 to 5. That does not mean I don't have plenty of useful/marketable skills if given the chance to get better.

There is a lot I’d like to do. I want to grow a community, share resources, volunteer and be a part of the healing of this world. I've spent my whole life in fear of the way I was treated; like an incubator, like I and my needs were inconsequential as long as everyone else got what they wanted out of me. I will fight the rest of my life to be an advocate for people who have been tortured the way I was and unfortunately worse.

I want to use what I have been through to be a comfort and kindness and safety for others.

I am extremely limited as I am currently, but I believe with enough help I CAN be and feel like a person again. Please help if you can safely do so. I want to help break the spell and build a safer world for the future. I can’t do this on my own and the more I try the further I run myself into the grave. Please help me have the opportunity to leave something good behind.

I still have fight in me, but I desperately need the support.