Legal Help Needed: Mother Battling for Custody

I have had majority custody of my children for 10 years. In October, the father filed for a change of custody without attempting to discuss it with me; when I thought we were finally co-parenting for the children after he received a super drunk DUI (0.284 BAC) with our son in the car. He had parenting time suspended, and after a year, I gave him back the same visitation time he had prior. During the parenting time suspension, I separated from the man I remarried as he was showing signs of abuse. We both attended therapy alone and together. After a year of separation and agreement from the children, this man and I tried to make it work. We ended it after two months. After this, I had major neck surgery and was on emergent medical leave for 3 months because of it. After returning to work, I was laid off from Dow a week later. I took another job making significantly less 6 months later. I worked that job for a year, which ended up shutting down. Since then, I have secured a research associate position with DuPont but just started to receive paychecks and am currently doing my best to catch up financially with life.

The children’s father and I had a custodial interview in early December, which I felt was grossly misinterpreted, and many factors were not discussed as they should have been. Our time was cut short, and my evidence I brought was not accepted or considered by the interviewer. However, there was material mentioned from Andrew’s (the children’s father) evidence that wasn’t discussed in our interview. There were factors that should be reevaluated or discussed in a court setting, like the moral fitness of each parent. I have only been in trouble once in my life, and it was 2 years prior to even having children. Andrew spent 7 years of the kids' lives as an alcoholic, which I have evidence of his functional alcoholism (functioning to drive with that kind of BAC) and prior text conversations between him and me, as well as his wife and me, promising he was getting help after I caught him drinking and driving with our daughter. A year before his DUI, the kids expressed not wanting to go to their father's anymore. Rather than fight for more custody at the time, I asked if the children could attend family counseling and attempted to get their father to go so it could help repair their relationship as it was incredibly strained from Andrew’s drinking, marijuana use, and erratic behavior. He shot their family dog in the backyard of their HOA and proceeded to discuss how he did it and walked the children through every step of it, causing my son to regress at the time. His addiction is better, and he has been sober since his DUI, but he still acts in a questionable manner. He lied to the interviewer, stating that I am not willing to work with him about custody and that I get “irate” anytime he has tried to discuss it with me. He also painted a picture as if I am in an abusive relationship and that I have an alcohol problem myself. He also claims that I speak poorly about him to our children, which I do not. I have always gone out of my way to ensure the children respect their father and have fought for his relationship with them myself. Both my children are very active in sports, and I ensure that I still sit next to him, regardless of everything going on, in solidarity for my children so they do not feel as if they have to pick who to sit by. On my time with the children, when we are away at a hockey tournament, I always discuss where we should eat or what we should do during the down times in between games and include his family. On the other hand, Andrew, I feel, has started to set the kids against me, and they are rewarded for it with his love and money. They have yearned for a father for years, so when they receive his affection, I can understand the behavior. However, Andrew has, many times, tried to make me look like a terrible parent. Knowing my financial situation, he would still purchase gifts for the kids like a $4,000 ATV for Tristan’s birthday that he wouldn’t allow me to contribute to. He also planned a birthday party for Tristan and included Tristan’s hockey team but didn’t invite me originally. Even 2 minutes prior to the children’s interview with the friend of the court about their living situation, he sent them money on Cash App. I have also learned from my daughter that he promised to purchase her a newer car.

All of this just pertains to the children, but on the other hand, Andrew has also taken it upon himself to insert himself into other areas of my life. Particularly, 2 years ago, he said he was uncomfortable with our children being around my father because he is an “alcoholic” and “has had domestic violence charges against him from his daughter”. I felt as if I needed to pull away from my own family to protect my children and co-parent with their father appropriately while avoiding any court battles. However, beginning of the fall, Andrew befriended my father and has even invited him for things like Halloween trick-or-treating. I have approached him about this, and he says the kids need a relationship with their grandparents and doesn’t seem to see the wrong in this as I have now become estranged from my father and my closest family. I feel he has done this, knowing they would be the only financial help I could attempt to get in this situation.

While I am human and not perfect, I strongly believe that I am a good mother. If you know me at all you’ll know that my children are my life, my hobby, my reasons. I sacrificed my schooling to finish my bachelor’s degree as I was forced to work two jobs while being the main caretaker for the children, as Andrew didn’t have an interest at the time, while going to school full-time. At this time, he withheld any child support, forcing me to work two jobs to maintain a home and provide for the children. Working two jobs (35+ hours a week each), going to school full-time, and caring for two children was impossible, so I had to give up something. This, along with his many attempts to decrease any child support he would have to pay any chance a recalculation would come up, concerns me about what his true motive is. The sacrifices I have made have made my career incredibly difficult, especially after being laid off from Dow.

There is so much more than what I have mentioned in this; however, I think I have painted a fairly clear picture of why I need financial help to retain legal help for my children because as it stands - the report from the interviewer states that the children should now reside with their father and I, the mother who has supported them their entire life, will see them every other weekend. They will be without their most consistent and biggest supporter for nearly 2 weeks on end. My son will have to change schools and my daughter might have to as she’s going into her junior year of high school or she will be forced to drive 45 minutes to school back and forth on back farm roads… not the most ideal, safe situation for a new driver. I have spent the last 5 weeks trying to find other means to secure a lawyer (searching for ones that accept a payment plan and trying to get loans) however I have exhausted all avenues. Originally I was trying to raise the money to also have the lawyer write up objections - however, due to the tight deadline, it is something I had to do myself. Our court date is 3/10; but I need to retain a lawyer by next week for them to review the case and be prepared - any help is greatly appreciated. I also ready have roughly 1000 myself, cash in hand. All the lawyers I have discussed it with are requesting 3000 as a retainer; I’m hoping if I can at least present 2000 maybe they will work on a payment plan for the rest. Please help.

Update 3/10 - court was pushed out to 5/15 as an evidentiary hearing to finally settle this; however, this is when I REALLY need a lawyer. I did get in touch with one and was able to give her $1000 to start but she still needs $2000 more. Any and all help is greatly appreciated. ❤️

My children should not be forced to change their schools and turn their lives upside down.